Posted on 07/14/2009 10:48:56 AM PDT by Woebama
Every now and then I feel a pang of loss and longing that takes me completely by surprise. I might be sitting in a cafe talking to friends, or wandering around the supermarket.
Then I see a mother with her child and the realisation hits me, as if for the first time - that's never going to be me. If someone had told my 25-year-old self that I would end up here - aged 45, newly married and, sadly for us both, without a hope of ever getting pregnant - I wouldn't have believed them. It would have seemed incredible that love would take so long to find me; that becoming a mother would ever matter so much; or that my fertility - a gift that, at the time, seemed more like an inconvenience - would plummet far beyond the point at which doctors could work their magic. Yet, it is a fact my husband David and I have spent the past year learning to accept. I know it sounds naive but, when we met four years ago, it never crossed our minds that having a baby would be an impossibility.
Read more: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-1199491/Seduced-stories-stars-giving-birth-later-IVF-myths-career-obsessed-Lucy-believed-children-love-wait.html#ixzz0LFzliqOh&C
(Excerpt) Read more at dailymail.co.uk ...
bttt
Good luck!
Wife and I almost missed the boat. in 2005, After 15yrs of marriage (she was 39 and I was 43) she finally got pregnant. All it took was $40K for In-Vitro and we have a perfect little girl. But after age 40, the chances of having another one drop by about 80% or so. We got lucky.
I’ll tell my little girl not to wait to long also.
Most people like the idea of having their own kid, not just adopting another.
My wife wants to adopt though, at least at some point.
Thanks!
We joke that we’ve been waiting 10 years to consumate the marriage.
I joke with my wife that I want the two children 9 months apart.
For some reason she doesn’t find that so funny...
;)
I understand....and was merely reinforcing the unspoken lesson....
So, hubby isn't really interested in nurturing a child, watching him/her grow day by day, and being there for all the heartaches and joys that life brings. No, he insists that he loves this woman so much that he can only love a child that has her genetic map. He sounds about as selfish as a human being can be.
Were my husband to take such a position, not only would I not consider adoption, I'd be thinking about what an ass I was to marry him in the first place.
The women’s movement has sold women a bill of goods.
All of life revolves around the family — or it should. But the idea of “providing” for a family has morphed into the idea of “career,” wherein the means to an end has become the end in itself. People have lost focus as to what really matters.
The idea of motherhood has been denigrated. Women have been taught to disdain the very activities which we are biologically — and yes, spiritually — wired to do. The activities which ultimately bring us the most joy.
The notion of sexual morality — designed to protect children from being born into situations without a mother to nurture and a father to provide — has been undermined. In the name of “equality,” young women are now being conditioned to behave like the fantasies of the most selfish, irresponsible men. They make themselves available without any commitment or even love. If they conceive, they kill the child, or go off to raise it on their own, patting themselves on the back for their independence.
I went to law school after putting my sixth child in kindergarten. I now have 19 grandchildren. My job has been rewarding in every way that a job can be rewarding. But it can’t begin to give my life meaning the way my children and grandchildren do.
I’m sorry that this poor woman bought into the lie.
I understand....and was merely reinforcing the unspoken lesson....
____________________________________________
Gotcha. Our society teaches the opposite lesson in my opinion. It says: “wait, don’t get pregnant too early, it will mess up your all important education and career.” Which is all wrong because a lot of times in life you don’t get the second, third, fourth, fifth, chances that this lady Lucy assumed would always come her way.
Good post.
“The idea of motherhood has been denigrated. Women have been taught to disdain the very activities which we are biologically — and yes, spiritually — wired to do. The activities which ultimately bring us the most joy.”
Law school after 6 kids eh? Wow.
Yeah. I did it for financial security, and to have the money to help educate my kids and provide some of “extras” that make life fun and create family memories. I never expected it to turn out as well or as lucratively as it has.
But, it was a tradeoff. I didn’t get to spend the time with the younger ones that I did with the older ones, and I missed that.
My story is similar. I waited until 27 to try to start a family, hardly elderly. After ten years of treatments, surgery, taking my temperature every morning, taking fertility drugs, two failed in-vitro attempts, and two miscarriages I was over the moon happy to give birth to my daughter at age 37. The ten year marathon effort wore me out emotionally and we decided to accept whatever came our way naturally after her birth. I never conceived again but God gave me an absolutely perfect daughter. It’s a biological fact that fertility decreases with each passing year after puberty. Combine that with a faulty reproductive system and a woman can find herself out of luck.
$40K. That’s gonna make my day a little different.
They thought about using donor eggs (read the story!!).
Her husband wanted their baby to have her DNA, you really took such a negative view of the story. Maybe you should read the whole story or even imagine being in her shoes before passing judgement
That came across as very harsh. Many woman who do wait do respect life. Some respect it so much that they are willing to wait and bring a child into this world when they really are able to care for them mentally, financially, emtionally, and so forth.
It’s very hard for young woman nowadays especially where I’m from. (NYC) You have all this pressure from others and even worse, yourself to be successful and you want that greatly as well as maybe eventually a companion and a child. I feel bad for this lady.
I think about this often. I’m only 25 but I see where she is coming from. My mother got married and had her first child at 20 and me at 42!! (I was a very late baby lol.) My sister got married and had her first kid by 19. I’m the first woman in my family to be 25, not married, no children, and not really dating anyone seriously. It didn’t bother me before but it does a little now, only slightly though.
I use to take pride in this but not so much anymore because honestly................I don’t see myself getting having kids for another 10 years. I’m still young and I LOVE children, more so than most people but there is so much I need to do first. Is it so wrong to want to have certain things settled before you decide to have a child/make sure it can have a life that it deserves?!
Why bring a child into this world at 25 instead of 35 when I/my partner will be more secure in all areas.
My mother use to say to me no big deal you’re young. However earlier this year I told her that I had no intentions of having kids until I was 35 and she sees by my dating habits/personality that it is most likely true. Now she has stopped all her no big deal talk and has begun dropping hints of wanting a GRANDBABY?!?!??!! (She has 2 by my sister who is 46 but wants one from me eventually) Having a best friend who is 26, married and has 4 kids doesn’t help then situation. My mom once criticized her for her decision, but now praises her!!!!! WTH!!!?!?!
She had me a 42 in 1983 and the doctors gave her hell for it. She says having kids younger is better yet she wants me to be as successful as I can be. I’m not the only 25 year old going through this struggle. I know many girls that are.
It’s rough.
You started at 27 and went through that for ten years?!?! I’m happy that you have a daughter but that scares me. I’m 25 and not even thinking of a child now but I would like to have one eventually. Wow, 27 that’s scary.
Is it a sin to want to wait until you are married and doing well enough financially, mentally, emotionally, and so forth before having a baby? Isn’t that the right way to do it? It seems that that’s the only way to be fair to the child. Just asking.............
That is what the story was about- she had spent her life thinking me, me, me. Now she regrets her decisions that she made early on such as putting her career first. She is just trying to give some advice to the younger ones coming along. Don’t take things for granted.
You rock!
Exactly what i would like to do. My 6th is 18mo. When he gets into school I will be going back myself, probably not for law, just a teaching degree, but I figure we can graduate at the same time!
It’s a lot of fun trying, Mike!
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