Posted on 04/25/2009 9:47:01 AM PDT by chasio649
“Honey, do you remember our first date?” I asked Husband-Head after hanging up the phone with my old high school girlfriend from California. “What did we do and how did we meet?”
Husband-Head was sitting on the couch and it was clear that there couldn’t be a subject he was less interested in than that of reminiscing about our dating days nearly 20 years ago.
Why is it that we girls want to remember every detailed minute, yet the actual wedding date seems to be a painful memory for the men?
From what I recall, the first time I met Husband-Head, I was tending bar at a local well-known watering hole, and he and 20 of his closest friends had come in to celebrate his birthday. Each one of his so-called “buddies” had ordered him a shot of liquor and — even though this was prior to the stringent liquor laws about overserving a patron — I knew that it was not a good idea. “Ummm ... dude ... you’re gonna die if you drink all these,” I warned him as I looked at all the shot glasses lined up on the bar.
“Then go out with me,” he bargained, as he started to drink the shots.
Not wanting him to die on my shift, I agreed to meet him the next night, pretty sure that there was no way he would ever remember the date.
I was wrong.
He didn’t die, but he did show up for our date.
And we ended up getting married — not until three years later, of course — but we’ve lived happily ever after since then.
All that came back to me the other weekend when my best friend from high school in California called me to give an update on her latest dating debacle.
Dana is a single, slim, smart and stylish woman, but for some reason she’s been single all of her life. She’s tried her hand several times at the online dating services, but so far has not had much luck with the men she’s met.
We talk on the phone almost every Friday night to share the events of our week and what’s been happening in our lives.
On this particular evening, Dana was relating a recent date she’d been on with a guy she’d met on one of the online dating services. The man claimed to be a 54-year-old medical doctor.
After chatting for a while, they agreed to meet for dinner at an Outback Steakhouse restaurant. “That’s not bad,” I said, trying to be encouraging. “I hear they have great steak and pasta.”
“I don’t even LIKE pasta!” Dana pointed out.
For me, it would be all about the food, but obviously this isn’t the main course in the dating world.
“And then he had a friggin’ coupon for the blooming onion appetizer,” Dana lamented.
I found this to be kind of funny, and I laughed.
You don’t like onions, nor do you want to kiss someone after eating them?
“Then, at the end of the dinner, he pulled out a gift certificate to pay for it all,” she continued. “And this guy is supposed to be a DOCTOR!”
Hmmm ... perhaps the economy is bad even for physicians.
I put my hand over the mouthpiece of the phone so she couldn’t hear me laughing. ...
Nevertheless, Dana relayed that she continued to give him a chance and accepted an invitation to go to his apartment for a cocktail afterwards. Which, surprisingly, did not go well.
“I am not going to date a guy who drives a crappier car than I do and lives in a crappier apartment than I do,” she reported indignantly. “It was gross!”
At this point, I had my hand over my mouth and was trying not to snot in my palm...
I didn’t even venture to ask if there had been any intimacy involved and what it was like...
“And furthermore, he had a flag draped over his bed,” she continued, answering my unasked question. “And he’s not even a veteran — he’s an idiot! I am SO done with dating!”
I wanted to console her by relaying all the idiots I’d dated — and kissed — in my younger years, but I didn’t think it would make her feel better.
When you’re dating in your middle-aged years, you think you know better by now and have learned from past mistakes.
HA!
Guess what...you’re pretty much just as stupid as you were when you were 25.
I looked at Husband-Head with new eyes after Dana and I got off the phone.
“Honey, let’s go out to Red Lobster for a romantic dinner this weekend,” I suggested. “I think I have a coupon...”
Yikes! Depressing...
Since they'd never met, how could he be?
My grandson, whose father is wealthy, broke up with his girlfriend because she wore $300.00 jeans. He considered it a symptom.
Exactly. They’d never met and he’s pulling out a coupon on the first date?
Look, men who say she’s a gold digger or whore, if this were...Ann Coulter or Michelle Malkin you were going to dinner with would you use a coupon? Yeah.
You seem to know what you are talking about so I will ask you this question. Why would a man marry and remain married to a women who seeks to diminish him?
Michelle Malkin is married. Ann Coulter is single in her late 40’s, for some reason ...
When I was dating, at age 19 and 20, it was assumed that none of us had a dime to spare, so cost-saving measures went without saying. Then we got married and were even poorer, and wouldn’t have considered going out to eat without a coupon. (Found some great restaurants that way, too: “Look - free entree at Los Barrios! Let’s try it!”)
But my original point is still unaddressed. How could a man she’d never met be “really, really interested in her”? He probably just wanted to know if she were anything like the way she presented herself online and by phone.
I don't claim to have all the answers but I will give it a shot. Many men just give up, feeling they don't deserve any better. Many are just too tired to get rid of their miserable bride and start fresh - it can seem like a daunting task. Other men just suffer from a poor self image and their wives' conduct validates that image.
Some men just get used to it. Some just don't care anymore, after taking the abuse for a while. Some others have no other choice, or feel that have no other choice.
Yet other men feel inferior, so naturally they draw a woman into their life who agrees.
If he treated the waiter like dirt that was our last date. My primary requirement was that he had to be kind.
My grandson, whose father is wealthy, broke up with his girlfriend because she wore $300.00 jeans. He considered it a symptom.
smart kid
I had to laugh but my son in law indicated he appreciated the fact that our daughter, his wife, was frugal with their money. He did laugh and say that she was opening up a bit. She is but still this woman does her part. They bought a home in FL as a second home. Now she is swapping their home in FL with others around the world so they travel the world without it costing them extra for housing.
LOL! Maybe he picked her up at her place? Not something that I ever did on a first date. I always met them so I had a easy escape route if the date went sour. Of course going to his place on a first date is also a safety no-no so it is quite possible that he picked her up.
A few years back I dated a guy who was shall we say, quite frugal.
And I didn’t have any problem with his frugality at first; he had a good stable well paying job, a nice home that he hoped to pay off in a few years, didn’t drive a late model fancy car, didn’t spend his money foolishly, saved, invested, wasn’t in any credit card debt: all very good things in my opinion that at first blush made me think he might be a “keeper”.
He was fond of using coupons and discount cards – again not a problem with me!
So what was the problem?
Well the problem was that he was rather overly obsessed with saving a few bucks and with money in general.
For instance, he’d take me out for dinner at a nice restaurant, ask me if I enjoyed the meal then go into great detail about how he found this coupon or used this or that discount card and about how much money he had saved and how proud he was about himself. Again I have no problem with my date using a coupon or discount card but when he spends more than 20 minutes of our date explaining how smart he is for doing that, that’s not what I consider a particularly good date.
And it wasn’t as if I was expecting to be wined and dined all the time. I had an equally good job and income and nice home and was more than willing to pick up the tab now and then or at least chip in to pay the tip. I cooked meals for him at my home and we stayed in to watch a movie – to me, not a bad way to spend an evening.
One Sunday we planned to take a picnic at a local park, a very romantic gesture IMO. But when I met him at his house that morning, he had all the local newspapers spread out and all the grocery store flyers and a game plan on what stores we should go to in order to buy what items we needed for our picnic at the absolute cheapest price. Two hours spent visiting four grocery stores to save all of about two dollars?
Another time he came with me to buy a birthday present for one of my teenage nieces and admonished me for spending too much money at Old Navy (I think I spent all of about $40) and then insisted that we go to a dollar store for the wrapping paper and birthday card.
He also told me that buying my make up at a department store was a waste of money as I could get the same thing at the Dollar Store.
He was also engaged in a very heated and bitter argument with his sister over their parent’s estate, and his parents were still both alive at the time.
One day I gave him the “You’re a really nice guy but…I’m in a different place in my life…It’s not you it’s me… Let’s just be friends” speech and ran away as quickly as I could. Can you blame me? Does that make me a shallow?
Can you blame me? Does that make me a shallow?
You gave it a the old college try...i wouldn’t say you were shallow at all...pretty tacky of him to comment on your niece’s gift also.
Anyone who’s paid attention knows that if a man is really, really interested in you he will not go ‘on the cheap’.
*******
Did you read that in Cosmopolitan?
Probably not.
They need a little perspective.
When i was dating, i always thought it was a little corny to go on a 1st date to a swank place...i figured if a mexican food joint was beneath her then i wasn’ interested from the get go.
His zealotry gives you ample justification to split.
I don’t disagree...i wouldn’t bring a coupon myself....but if that is a deal breaker on a 1st date...then some are living an episode of Seinfeld...i would hate to think of some mistakes i’ve made on 1st dates....i’m sure i’ve given off the wrong impression without realizing it during small talk or what have you.
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