(I heard Obama loves grits. That's why I hate them!)
Posted on 03/17/2009 6:27:36 PM PDT by deport
What Are Grits?
Nobody knows. Some folks believe grits are grown on bushes and are harvested by midgets by shaking the bushes after spreading sheets around them. Many people feel that grits are made from ground up bits of white corn.
These are obviously lies spread by Communists and terrorists. Nothing as good as Grits can be made from corn. The most recent research suggests that the mysterious Manna that God rained down upon the Israelites during their time in the Sinai Desert was most likely Grits. Critics disagree, stating that there is no record of biscuits, butter, salt, and red eye gravy raining down from the sky, and that God would not punish his people by forcing them to eat Grits without these key ingredients.
How Grits are Formed.
Grits are formed deep underground under intense heat and pressure. It takes over 1000 years to form a single Grit. Most of the world's grit mines are in South Carolina, and are guarded day and night by armed guards and pit bull dogs. Harvesting the Grit is a dangerous occupation, and many Grit miners lose their lives each year so that Grits can continue to be served morning after morning for breakfast (not that having Grits for lunch and dinner is out of the question).
Yankees have attempted to create synthetic Grits. They call it Cream of Wheat. As far as we can tell, the key ingredients of Cream of Wheat are Elmer's Glue and shredded styrofoam. These synthetic grits have also been shown to cause nausea, and may leave you unable to have children.
Historical Grits
As we mentioned earlier, the first known mention of Grits was by the Ancient Israelites in the Sinai Desert. After that, Grits were not heard from for another 1000 years. Experts feel that Grits were used during this time only during secret religious ceremonies, and were kept from the public due to their rarity.
The next mention of Grits was found amidst the ruins of the ancient city of Pompeii in a woman's personal diary. The woman's name was Herculaneum Jemimaneus (Aunt Jemima to her friends.)
The 10 Commandments of Grits
- Thou shalt not put syrup on thy Grits
- Thou shalt not eat thy Grits with a spoon or knife
- Thou shalt not eat Cream of Wheat and call it Grits, for this is blasphemy .
- Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor's Grits.
- Thou shalt use only salt, butter, and red-eye gravy as toppings for thy Grits.
- Thou shalt not eat Instant Grits.
- Thou shalt not put ketchup on thy Grits.
- Thou shalt not put margarine on thy Grits.
- Thou shalt not eat toast with thy Grits, only biscuits made from scratch.
- Thou shalt eat grits on the Sabbath for this is manna from heaven.
How to Cook Grits
For one serving of Grits:
Boil 1.5 cups of water with salt and a little butter. Add 5 TBsp of Grits. Reduce to a simmer and allow the Grits to soak up all the water. When a pencil stuck into the grits stands alone, it is done. That's all there is to cooking grits.(Some folks like their's soupy and that's OK)
How to make red eye gravy
Fry salt cured country ham in cast iron pan. Remove the ham when done and add coffee to the gravy and simmer for several minutes. Great on grits and biscuits.
How to Eat Grits
Immediately after removing your grits from the stove top, add a generous portion of butter or red eye gravy. (WARNING: Do NOT use low-fat butter.) The butter should cause the Grits to turn a wondrous shade of yellow. (Hold a banana or a yellow rain slicker next to your Grits; if the colors match, you have the correct amount of butter.)
In lieu of butter, pour a generous helping of red eye gravy on your grits. Be sure to pour enough to have some left for sopping up with your biscuits. Never, ever substitute canned or store bought biscuits for the real thing because they caused cancer, rotten teeth and impotence.
Next, add salt. (NOTICE: The correct ration of Grit to Salt is 10:1 Therefore for every 10 grits, you should have 1 grain of salt.)
Now begin eating your grits. Always use a fork, never a spoon, to eat Grits. Your grits should be thick enough so they do not run through the tines of the fork.
The correct beverage to serve with Grits is black coffee. DO NOT use cream or, heaven forbid, Skim Milk.)
Your grits should never be eaten in a bowl because Yankees will think its Cream of Wheat!
Ways to Eat Leftover Grits: (Leftover grits are extremely rare)
Spread them in the bottom of a casserole dish,
Cover and place them in the refrigerator overnight.
The Grits will congeal into a gelatinous mass.
Next morning, slice the Grits into squares and fry them in 1/2" of cooking oil and butter until they turn a golden brown.
Many people are tempted to pour syrup onto Grits served this way. This is, of course, unacceptable.
TRADITIONAL BLESSING BEFORE EATING GRITS
May the lord bless these grits,
May no Damnyankee ever get the recipe,
May I eat grits every day while living,
And may I die while eating grits.
AMEN
(I heard Obama loves grits. That's why I hate them!)
Nothing not to like about grits. Sweet, filling, and extra good with some bacon or sausage on the side. The ultimate comfort food.
We go through 5 lbs. about every two weeks. My 2 yo eats them for a snack and my teens will eat them a couple of times a day on some days.
I just bought 30 pounds of grits, it isn’t like they have a short shelf life.
I don’t know we go through 5 lbs a week, but in the winter it can get close to it!
And Brinner or whatever it is called when you eat breakfast for dinner is certainly a good way to end the day!
Over 100 posts and I saw no reference to the cafe scene with Joe Pesci in “My Cousin Vinny”. Somebody’s falling down on the job.
Just noticed a double post there. Sorry about that.
What does the acid treatment do?
bump ,girls raised in the south
AB: Absolutely. Why, I remember at my Grandmother's house, white hominy grits were always on the table come breakfast time. Although I have to say, Ma'am, I don't remember hers looking or smelling as good as yours.
CM: Oh, why, it's nothing, sir. It's just cornmeal. I use it for everything around here.
AB: So it's a multitasker then.
CM: Uh ... yeah. We just call it good Southern country food. AB: Country cooking. And you know, not just this country. Why, in Europe, Africa, even Asia, they eat a lot of cornmeal.
CP: You don't sound Southern.
AB: Aw, it's, it's ... I had to lose my accent for television. Hey, you know that cornmeal's become so popular, they're even serving it in ritzy restaurants in New York City, San Francisco, Chicago. It's really funny. You go there and you watch these people eat and you'd swear they'd never seen polenta before in their whole life.
CP: What you tryin' to say, boy?
AB: Nothing. Just that, you know, when you remove the cultural part of the equation, grits and polenta are the same thing.
"I wish to apologize to any and all southerners who might have caught our True Grits episode the other night. Why? Because a short but crucial scene got lost in the edit and I’ll be darned if I can find where I put it. The scene in question dealt with the issue of hominy grits which are not the same as plain old grits. Hominy grits are made from hominy, a form of dent or field corn which is treated with an alkali such as lye before drying and milling. The resulting chemical changes inside the corn manifest themselves in a gruel that never gets totally creamy. Hominy grits are in fact “grittier” than other grits. But they are not the only grits out there. Many reputable firms such as Bob’s Red Mill market the same product as grits and polenta. And they are technically right to do so. Well actually, they're wrong. Grits and polenta are dishes prepared from corn meal...so they really should just be selling corn meal but that's their business. The point is, blasphemous though it may seem to some, there are grits besides hominy grits, just as there are motorcycles that aren't Harley's (more hate mail comin' my way). Just for the record I prefer hominy grits. I am after all a Georgia boy despite the fact that I was born in California. (Both my parents were from Georgia ... they just got a little lost when they got married is all)."
I'll bump to that.
AB has some interesting shows.........
Maybe #43? I remember Vinny asking the cook at the diner “What’s a grit?”.
Born here in Florida over 70 years ago, when it was still a Southern State, I can remember breakfast, every morning, of grits, hand churned butter and fresh milk from our cow, fresh eggs from the nest, country smoked ham from the smoke house and biscuits, all cooked on a wood fired stove. Sometime we had the same thing for supper, we called the evening meal SUPPER, because that’s all we had.
Even now, a good country breakfast of grits, eggs, ham or bacon makes the world seem alright. Am I the only one to confess to eating SPAM with my grits ?
I like ‘em leftover...then they can be sliced thin and fried in butter...then you pour scrambled eggs over them and eat ‘em up ! ! !
Now thats eatin’
YUM!
Even now, a good country breakfast of grits, eggs, ham or bacon makes the world seem alright. Am I the only one to confess to eating SPAM with my grits ?
My guess is that anyone born before say 1950 has eating Spam with grits at some point even if they don’t eat Spam today.
My wife’s family is from the Philippines. All Spam and no grits.
My grandmother called it “mush”. I, too, found in bland and boring.
But, fried polenta, especially with some Italian sausage and tomato sauce is good.
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