We’re #1.
That’s cause we forgot to play along...
Seadrift Texas, “Sleepy little Drinking town with a Fishing problem”
I was out sanding my deuce and a half Army truck today. You had to scrape the testosterone off me with a putty knife. Wait, that was sanding dust.
Got up this morning and ate enough trans-fats and cholesterol to fell a horse (Tennessee Pride sausage, eggs with yolks, plenty of butter with biscuits). After a cold shower with harsh soap I put my unfashionable clothes and steel-toed boots on, marched outside and adjusted the sights of my AR-15 on the punks’ car playing “brrrrrm brrrrrm brrrrrm”. They found they had pressing business elsewhere.
Noticed that a cardinal keeps crapping down my Chevy truck door while feuding with his mirror reflection. That’s a bird, not a demented official from the Catholic church. Let him live, too. Understanding instinctual retardation is a manly trait. Well shucks - cardinals are “purty”.
Attached seat belts because getting shredded through windshield’s for squids. I’d have a six-point NASCAR rig if I could afford it. NO accidents in 30 years but that one idiot is always lurking around the next corner. Took care of errands while trying to keep the charm factor down - always aware of people waiting in line. Humble, too.
Picked up a gourmet pizza and found an excellent Tennessee wine (Stonehaus Davenport Red) to accompany it. Once a week I break my economic habits and splurge because a life of total denial isn’t worth living. Tennesseans are pretty aware of pumping their money back into the local economy when possible.
Back home I thanked God for these things and that Muslims and illegal aliens aren’t living near me anymore. I also thanked Him that there are very few “For Sale” signs in my area and my cool landlady hasn’t raised my rent in three years, that I had enough money saved to survive unemployment during this downside and that we still have the freedom to express ourselves through great sites like this one. Amen.