Thanks go to fnord for the heads-up.
Posted on 02/26/2009 5:16:21 AM PST by dennisw
My cousin's son is in 12th grade and going to college next year
GOAL!!!!---that he not goof off in college like he has in high school. He is obsessed with on line poker (no other computer games are involved)
Question--- why should his parents put forth a full effort (pay all tuition and room and board) when he won't put forth full effort to get As and to excel
Question
What proportion of college--- top 20 private school ---$50,000/year ---should he pay? 50% perhaps?
Question ---- should they (bribe!!!) have a reward system where the better the grades are the less of the $50,000 he has to account for by student loans or working?
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------ Parents are conservative and will look at answers and are very interested in your opinions ....
---- Father is dentist on Long Island NY. Mother keeps busy
----Lazy relatives son---
----plays poker on line all the time...not other computer games
---- plays late at night
---- he is in HS senior year already accepted to college
---- never had summer job
---- will not get one this summer the boy says but actually just got a tutoring job (some classmate maybe)
--- parents can afford to pay all tuition and room and board
----BUT are seriously thinking of insisting that he pay a large part (maybe half) by taking out loans and working---- because he is lazy......
----and want him to have "skin in the game" to put a constraint on the on line poker
----- OTHERWISE he will be quite content to just get B and C when he is far more capable and this limits what grad schools he can get into
----- And they resent paying full freight when he will not put forth the effort to get A grades
--- College which is $50,000 and three thousand miles away
---private college
---- has claimed to me he will be studying statistics and economics
----- only child
--- very very very high SAT of the 2400 kind
--- bad lazy attitude over all
----- laziness started in 10th grade he is in 12th now
---- Involved in on line poker ever since 10th grade and this is when bad lazy attitude started
---- not socializing enough with peers
HIS PARENTS ARE VERY WORRIED ABOUT WHAT HE IS GOING TO DO IN COLLEGE!!!
Especially with a good football team. Forget about studying on Saturday, and a good part of on Sunday on a football weekend. Believe me, I know.
Thanks go to fnord for the heads-up.
OK, as a current college student, I’ve got some suggestions:
-First off, forget the ‘top 20’ school at $50,000 a year. That’s just ridiculous. They should send him to a community or SUNY college first two years so he can live at home. Counting full-time in-state tution, student fees, and books, this will probably be around $6000 a year. Plus, he’ll probably change majors three times in those two years (cause at that point, you’re only taking basic classes, so they’ll count towards whatever you could imagine), so spending 12k instead of 100k on a time where he’ll be mostly ‘exploring’ his future career options would only make sense.
-Make him get a summer job, or a part-time job, worked full-time over the summer. He can probably earn around $2500 this way to help pay for college. It would probably be helpful if you set up the stipulation that as long as he’s earning money towards his education, then he can live in their house like he did before. Granted, he shouldn’t be freeloading, but he’s not really if he’s trying to get himself through college.
-Following what I just said, there are other methods these people could use to split the bill. GPA isn’t a great indicator, as I’ve got A’s in humanities classes where I simply went to class and could literally count on my fingers the number of hours I studied for them all semester, and I’ve spent entire nights in the lab studying for engineering courses and still would have failed were it not for a curve. So, aside form varying by subject, this will also vary from one educational institution to another. Personally, I think a system in reverse of what another person suggested would work - maybe part of freshman year, more of sophomore year, and so on would be better, as it’ll reward him for staying in college (and not getting kicked out due to bad grades or quitting cause it’s ‘too hard’).
-The video poker: If he’s playing with cash, he should stop and put that money towards college. If not, his parents should just put the stipulation that as long as it doesn’t interfere with his job or education, he can spend his free time doing whatever he pleases (obviously, within the limits of the law and his parents’ house rules). Chances are pretty good that he’ll find much better things to do once he’s in college anyways...
If they are that worried about his dedication to his studies maybe they should consider a “pay per performance” format. Basically they pay for his first semester and then the percentage of the following semester that they pay for will be based on his GPA.
4.0 = 100%
3.0 = 75%
2.0 = 50%
1.0 = 25%
Or whatever scale they wish to use. This puts him in the position of having to fund the remainder with grants, student loans, ect. Put the pressure on him to do well and you may be surprised where his focus will go. Or it may just cause him to wash out all together (which is not always a bad thing).
I would not have done well going directly into college after high school. When I finally went I was a parent, and I was highly motivated to better our family situation. I went full time, and worked full time and still got my BS with a 4.0 GPA. I could not have done that right out of high school.
Yeah, but you avoided the satanist trap of online poker.
I kicked satin’s butt in a tourney just the other night. He has too many tells so I no longer fear him.
Yeah, but when he gets you to go all in, look out.
That’s why I never push without the nuts.
INSANE - ESPECIALLY if the “yoot” has personal “time management” issues and not inclined to meet the desires of his parents - the source of his financial support...
A tour in the military has the remarkable ability to focus one’s attention, teach self discipline and clarify life's important realities.
From punk to man in an instant.
Great recommendation. I have been doing the Dave plan for a couple of years and it is amazing how much better life is.
I have a Dave fan ping list. Do you want on?
I need to fly for now, so if you do I will get you on it tomorrow. Nice to meet you FRiend.
sure- Dave ping sounds good
Is he a winnng player? If he’s that smart, he may be.
Here’s an outside the box suggestion...
Rather than wsste 50K a year on something that clearly isn’t what he is really interested in, send him to a state college. Tell him if he graduates, with at least a 3.0 GPA, his graduation present will be $20K and a plane ticket to Vegas. Not only will he be motivated to work hard in school, he will either make a whole lot of money at something he loves, or find out he really isn’t that good. In any case he will have an education, and even with the 20K it will cost a lot less than the “top” school.
No indication of how good a poker player he is.
Makes all the difference in the decision.
From talking to him I think he is probably a very good on line poker player. He is very good in math ....got very very high SATs. He does not play for money
Rather than wsste 50K a year on something that clearly isn’t what he is really interested in, send him to a state college. Tell him if he graduates, with at least a 3.0 GPA, his graduation present will be $20K and a plane ticket to Vegas.
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He is strictly on-line. But you have an idea there.
This would be the ideal path and would get him grounded very fast. Get him real about life. Probably won’t happen. But I’m not his parent anyways and don’t know
No cash is involved in his online poker——
Your idea is very good. Makes a lot more sense for the kid to “find himself” at $6000/year instead of $50000/year
My comments are extraneous since he is not my son, but his parents are very grateful for all the freeper ideas and will look at all of them
I have added you to my ping list. Nice to meet ya FRiend.
Don’t Do It. My son is a pretty brilliant kid, 1350 SAT’s, gifted programs. At one time 2 years ahead in school. Didn’t work in high school if it involved homework. Never held a job for more than a few weeks. I pushed him into college and he took out the loans.
He barely passed most of his classes first semester. Second semester he quit half way through and did’t tell me. Just continued to leave the house like he was going to class and sleeping in the car until it was time to come back.
He played video games late into the night (doesn’t matter poker or not).
I’m making the car payment(I cosigned)for the college car he needed. It sits parked because he doesn’t have gas money. I’m also paying the college loans for the two semesters he went. Only $50 a month but you get the point.
Since my son was diagnosed as ADD in high school he qualified for job training through Office of Vocational Rehabilitation here in PA. He got about $5500 for truck driving training and got his Class-A CDL which is the first significant thing he ever completed. He has yet to land a job because you have to be 21 to drive interstate. Those are the companies that take no-experience drivers and train them.
If I had it to do over again I definitely wouldn’t have pushed my kid into college. That was a lot more about me than him. They develop at different rates. I think he is going to come around but I’m having to be patient.
Good luck!
I agree with a lot of what is in this thread about how to handle this particular kid. Paying nothing would not be a terrible idea.
If I were doing it I agre with the person who said this, first, forget the private school and go to a state school. Then pay the first semester and then go based on grades.
I will say that I have a unique perspective in this in that my dad did pay for my undergrad and is currently paying for me to go to law school. What is right for this kid, isn’t necessarily right for every kid. Parent’s should know if their child will respect the sacrifice they are making to pay for their school. If their kid is driven and motivated enough to do well on their own, it can be a tremendous leg up for their kids to not have to pay back loans after college.
I don’t think any particular rule works across the board. It is far too simplistic.
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