****The Official Friday Silliness Thread****

[Lucky9teen]

No matter how much you cheat the government in taxes, you'll never get close to being even. Trust me. (Tim Geithner, Treasury Secretary's proverb)

Good intentions make the most noise. (Proverb of Obama's Economic Recovery Team)

All good things are either illegal, immoral, or lead to obesity. (Kennedy family proverb)

Surely you can fool all the people all the time. (Proverb of the mainstream media)

To err is human, and we use this faculty frequently and with much pleasure. (Proverb of the US Congress)

All work and no pay makes Jack an exemplary citizen. (Proverb of Obama's Economic Recovery Team)

If toast falling off the table always lands butter-side down, it is safe to presume that toast buttered on both sides will stop and hover in midair. (Proverb of Obama's Economic Recovery Team)

All that glitters must be taxed. (Proverb of the Ways and Means Committee)

Every time the government tries to organize the economy, the only thing that stays organized is crime. (Proverb of the Chicago Mafia)

The people are not only our most precious recourse, but also a means of enrichment. (Proverb of the US Congress)

Too many cooks don't pay enough taxes. (Proverb of the Ways and Means Committee)

Every man has a right to the left. (ACLU proverb)

Every rake deserves a chance to be stepped on repeatedly. (Proverb of Obama's Economic Recovery Team)

For a lie to become believable it must be published in The New York Times. (Proverb of Democrat strategists)

Teach someone how to fish, and you lose a Democrat voter. (Proverb of the Teachers' Union )

You will be driving your old car for a longer period of time if you don't buy a new one. (Proverb of Obama's Economic Recovery Team)

Never spend your own money when you can spend the government's. Charity begins with a lawsuit. (Proverb of community organizers)

Let bygones be hammered into everyone's brain using news media, television, and Hollywood. (Proverb of Democrat strategists)

Government helps those who refuse to help themselves. (Proverb of community organizers)

If necessity is the mother of invention, government mandate is the fairy godmother. (Proverb of carbon emission regulators)

A bad workman blames corporate greed and lack of government oversight. (Proverb of the Financial Services Committee)

All that glitters must be equally redistributed to each according to his need. (Proverb of community organizers)

Never pick on a Democrat candidate's family; attack something he cares about instead. (Proverb of Republican strategists)

If you can't lick them, tax them. (Proverb of the Ways and Means Committee)

He who pays the piper must also cover his health insurance and retirement benefits. (Proverb of Obama's Economic Recovery Team)

Give your opponents one hundred dollars worth of steak, and you shall receive one trillion dollars worth of pork. (Proverb of the US Congress)

The difference between a kleptomaniac and a Congressman is mostly one of semantics. (Proverb of the US Congress)

Don't tax you, don't tax me, tax that fellow who didn't vote for you and me. (Found buried in a federal "stimulus" bill)

All it takes to prove that I am the smartest guy in any room is for the rest of the people in that room to believe me when I say it. (Joe Biden's proverb)

President Obama said when it comes to passing the stimulus package we can’t afford distractions and delays. You know who took offense to this in Congress? The head of the Senate Distractions and Delays Committee.'

To Democrats, IRS means, “I’m really sorry.”

Obama is a genius. Whenever he nominates someone, they pay their taxes. He’s found a way to eliminate the deficit — nominate everyone in the country, one person at a time, and they’ll pay their taxes.

President Obama is working very hard to get the stimulus passed. He has asked the Senate to cut $50 billion from the plan. He said we no longer would need the $50 billion once everyone in his Cabinet pays his taxes.

[Lucky9teen]

[Tamar1973]

You Are 84% Capitalist, 16% Socialist

You're a capitalist pig - and proud of it.
You believe that business makes the world great...
And you'd never be ashamed of being rich!

Are You a Socialist or Capitalist?

[Tamar1973]

Where are we going wrong? We are only 92% Capitalist. I always thought that I did not have a Socialist bone in my body. Is there a therapy class that we can go to to fix this problem?

The quiz was written so that every question you checked off was a pro-capitalist answer. Look at the questions you did not check and meditate on them for a while. It seems to me that this test is biased towards the libertarian posistion (all drugs and prostitutes should be legal).

[do the dhue]

Ahhh, I only read it once. Aint sure I could make it through three times consecutively. But if that is what it takes, I break the book out. I have it in my library. I like the story line, but Rand is kinda wordy. I am a get to the point kind of person. :-)

[BenLurkin]

[do the dhue]

I didn’t check the drug one or prostitute one. So, I let some morals creep in and I can live with that. Good, I don’t have to read Rand three times consecutively now.

[Monkey Face]

LOL!

That looks about right for Washington DC!

:o])

[Monkey Face]

Hey! We stole that thread for February! You have good taste, Ben!

[BenLurkin]

Cheers!

[Monkey Face]

:o])

[Squidpup]

[Lucretia Borgia]

Are You a Socialist or Capitalist?

You Are 92% Capitalist, 8% Socialist
You’re a capitalist pig - and proud of it.
You believe that business makes the world great...
And you’d never be ashamed of being rich!

It scored me correctly!

[Rightly Biased]

Heck I had a hell of a time getting thru Rand once.

I was seeing if you’d bite.

[Pan_Yan]

Lucky, at a mere 80% it looks like you are the Stalin kissing, Mao snuggling, Daily Worker reading comrade of the thread.

[unique]

“Sometime this year, it’s possible that taxpayers will receive an additional Economic Stimulus Payment. This is a very exciting new program that I will explain using the Q and A format:

Q. What is an Economic Stimulus Payment?*

A. It is money that the federal government will send to taxpayers.

Q. Where will the government get this money?*

A. From taxpayers.

Q. So the government is giving me back my own money?*

A. No, they are borrowing it from China. Your children are expected to repay the Chinese.

Q. What is the purpose of this payment?*

A. The plan is that you will use the money to purchase a high-definition TV set, thus stimulating the economy.

Q. But isn’t that stimulating the economy of China?*

A. Shut up.

Below is some helpful advice on how to best help the US economy by spending your stimulus check wisely:

If you spend that money at Wal-Mart, all the money will go to China.

If you spend it on gasoline, it will go to Hugo Chavez, the Arabs and Al Queda.

If you purchase a computer, it will go to Taiwan.

If you purchase fruit and vegetables, it will go to Mexico, Honduras, and Guatemala (unless you buy organic).

If you buy a car, it will go to Japan and Korea.

If you purchase prescription drugs, it will go to India.

If you purchase heroin, it will go to the Taliban in Afghanistan.

If you give it to a charitable cause, it will go to Nigeria.

And none of it will help the American economy.

We need to keep that money here in America. You can keep the money in America by spending it at yard sales, going to a baseball game, or spend it on prostitutes, beer (domestic ONLY),or tattoos, since those are the only businesses still in the US.*

*Keep Smilin’

(Hmmm, skip the Bud Weiser unless you want to help Germans.)

[Pan_Yan]

You have to lose most compassion and read Atlas Shrugged three times consecutively

Losing all compassion isn't much of a problem, but I liked The Fountainhead better than Atlas Shrugged. Can I read that one again instead?

[unique]

The Love Dress

A woman stopped by unannounced at her son’s house. She knocked on the door then immediately walked in. She was shocked to see her daughter-in-law laying on the couch, totally n@ked. Soft music was playing, and the aroma of perfume filled the room.

“What are you doing?” she asked.

“I’m waiting for Mike to come home from work,” the daughter-in-law answered.

“But you’re n@ked!” the mother-in-law exclaimed.

“This is my love dress,” the daughter-in-law explained.

“Love dress? But you’re n@ked!”

“Mike loves me to wear this dress,” she explained. “It excites him to no end. Every time he sees me in this dress, he instantly becomes romantic and ravages me for hours on end. He can’t get enough of me.”

The mother-in-law left.

When she got home, she undressed, showered, put on her best perfume, dimmed the lights, put on a romantic CD, laid on the couch waiting for her husband to arrive.

Finally, her husband came home. He walked in and saw her laying there so provocatively.

“What are you doing?” he asked.

“This is my love dress,” she whispered, sensually.

“Needs ironing,” he said. “What’s for dinner?

HE NEVER HEARD THE SHOT.........
______

There are only 6 things you have to know about plumbing:
1. Hot is on the left,
2. Cold is on the right, and,
3. $h*t doesn’t flow uphill....
4. Keep your fingers out of your mouth.
5. Payday is Friday.
6. Rules 1 and 2 assume competence from the previous plumber. Not a safe assumption.

[a fool in paradise]

Odd that they would classify “liberal” (or libertarian) approaches to drug legalization and prostitution as “socialist” when those who sell such goods (which can be “manufactured” at home) would stand to make legal capitalist profit if there were legalized.

As the USSR fell apart, pornography became more available. So their socialist system didn’t tolerate these vices.

And I fail to see why fast food and tobacco companies should be taken to task over the “impact” of their products when the grain heavy food pyramid also is unhealthy if you aren’t needing a processed carb heavy “active” diet. Certainly is not balanced (fruits and vegetables would be a better “base”).

[Lucky9teen]

Yawww...quizes schmizzes....they don't mean nothin' ;)

[erkyl]

ALWAYS CHECK YOUR CHILD'S HOMEWORK

(Here's the reply the teacher received the following day)

Dear Mrs. Jones,

I wish to clarify that I am not now, nor have I ever been, an exotic dancer.

I work at Home Depot and I told my daughter how hectic it was last week before the blizzard hit. I told her we sold out every single shovel we had, and then I found one more in the back room, and that several people were fighting over who would get it. Her picture doesn't show me dancing around a pole. It's supposed to depict me selling the last snow shovel we had at Home Depot.

From now on I will remember to check her homework more thoroughly before she turns it in.

Sincerely,
Mrs.Smith