Winner and still champion:
“There you go again...”
This is completely stupid. The expression is "the spirit of the staircase", in the sense of inspiration. It means retorts or witticisms thought of after the fact, too late, when retiring.
Pretty funny.
By the way, that’s a nice haircut you gave yourself.
I don’t know. Seems like the original, quick-witted comebacks are the best. I think the “Cracked” guys were smoking some crack - and/or 14 year-old boys.
Val Kilmer: Look up "idiot" in the dictionary. You know what you'll find?
Robert Downey Jr.: A picture of me?
Kilmer: No! The definition of the word idiot, which is what you are!
Some good ones there! Then there are some that I would not have included on a top ten list......
For instance, the Keith Moon one is not particularly funny, I don’t find — it’s of interest b/c of how spectacularly wrong Moon was about the prospects for such a band and that Moon himself provided the name for the band (if that’s what he actually said in a drug-induce haze). But I don’t find it to be a great, hilarious “zinger”..... maybe that’s just me.
btw, the opening bit about “L’esprit d’escalier” misunderstands the point of that expression, since it has to do with what someone DIDN’T say as a comeback, but only thought of too late, on the stairway, while departing the premises. Thus, it is not the expression to use in referring to these ten comeback zingers which all were (allegedly) uttered at the time, not thought of after the fact.
Anyone remember “The Ultimate Flame” thread? I had it bookmarked but it’s been gone for years I guess.
Lady Astor: “If I were married to you, I’d put poison in your coffee.”
Churchill’s Reply: “If I were married to you, I’d drink it.”
FEMALE INTERVIEWER:
So, General Cosgrove, what things are you going to teach these young boys when they visit your base?
GENERAL COSGROVE:
We’re going to teach them climbing, canoeing, archery and shooting.
FEMALE INTERVIEWER:
Shooting! That’s a bit irresponsible, isn’t it?
GENERAL COSGROVE:
I don’t see why, they’ll be properly supervised on the rifle range.
FEMALE INTERVIEWER:
Don’t you admit that this is a terribly dangerous activity to be teaching children?
GENERAL COSGROVE:
I don’t see how. We will be teaching them proper rifle discipline before they even touch a firearm.
FEMALE INTERVIEWER:
But you’re equipping them to become violent killers.
GENERAL COSGROVE:
Well, Ma’am, you’re equipped to be a prostitute, but you’re not one, are you?
The radio went silent and the interview ended.
One of the best:
I liked your new book, Who wrote it for you?
Yes, it is good, Who read it to you?
When quantum mechanics first introduced the idea of probability wave functions, a lot of physicists were like “what?" While not a come-back, that strikes me as extremely funny.
bump for later
Churchill...to woman: "Madame,if you were my wife,I'd let you".
bump
During the 1930's when Churchill's influence was on the wane, one junior member of Parliament from the opposite party took after Churchill in the house one day. Calling Churchill every name in the book, the MP crossed the unwritten boundary of what may be said on the floor and what may not. Churchill sat there in silence, but the MP's own leadership were agast at the manner in which the member insulted him. After the session, his leaders called him in and pointed out that his actions went beyond the bounds and ordered him to apologize. Humbled, the MP went to Churchill's house at Chartwell to offer his apology in person. Informing the butler of his purpose, the servant went off to find Churchill and found him in the restroom. When informed of who the caller was and what was his purpose, Churchill replied, "Tell him that I'm sorry but I'm in the privy and can only take one shit at a time."
Sorry for the language, but it would have lost it's impact if I censored it.
Sorry if this might be a little too graphic for some. But, my all time favorite is “The best part of you rolled down your Mothers’ leg.”
My current favorite from this decade would be “Don’t get stuck on stupid”.