Posted on 09/28/2008 11:23:16 AM PDT by nuconvert
Flitting with disaster
BY DAVE BARRY
(This classic Dave Barry column was originally published Oct. 14, 2001.)
A very important issue that we all need to be concerned about is global warming, and we will get to that shortly, but first we need to discuss what happened the other night in my kitchen.
It began when I was in the bedroom, flossing my teeth (I keep my teeth in the bedroom). Suddenly my wife burst in and said: ''There's a bat in the kitchen!'' A snappy comeback line would have been: ''No, thanks! I already ate!'' But snappy comebacks are not what is called for in this situation. What is called for, by tradition, is for The Man of the House to put down his floss and go face the bat.
I opened the kitchen door and peeked inside, and, sure enough, there was a large black thing flitting around, banging itself against the ceiling. This was a perfect example of why -- no matter what you hear from the liberal communist news media -- private citizens have a legitimate constitutional need for machine guns. No single-shot weapon is going to bring down a flitting bat at close range. To stop one of those babies, you need to put a LOT of lead into the air.
Unfortunately, the only weapon I had was a broom. And to get it, I had to get to the other side of the kitchen, which meant going directly under the bat. You know how, in John Wayne war movies, when it's time to go into battle, John Wayne gives out a mighty whoop and charges boldly forward with his head held high? Well, that is not how I crossed the kitchen.
(Excerpt) Read more at miamiherald.com ...
Pong again
Ping for later. Too funny!
Ping for later. Too funny!
Mothra!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Okay, now let me get this Diet Coke out of the keyboard!
I DID have bat in my house. They come in around this time of year. We’ve never figured out how they do it.
I can sympathize. This summer, we’ve had at least 4 chipmunks and a racoon in the house, not to mention various lizards, dragonflies and cicadas.
A liberal got into my house.
I threw a skim latte out the door and it ran out after it.
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