Michigan shoplifting suspect crushed in trash compactor (Darwin Award inductee)

CNEWS ^ | 8-20-08 | Mikey_1962

[Mikey_1962]

DELTA TOWNSHIP, Mich. - Michigan authorities say a shoplifting suspect has died after being crushed in a trash compactor where she was hiding.

The Eaton County sheriff's department said two women fled a Lansing-area TJ Maxx discount store after spraying a security guard with Mace. A deputy found one of the women behind a nearby trash compactor.

[dfwgator]

Her family will sue.

...and win.

[Bommer]

That’s where I grew up, near Lansing. I wonder who she was.

A dumb@ss, like most people I knew in Lansing. Thank God I moved to Texas!

[Former War Criminal]

I can’t open the link.

Is it a compressed file?

[jmpmstr4u2]

“She had never shoplifted before. I asked her to help me. I guess the Pressure was more than she could take.” the sobbing suspect said during an interview with Police Authorities.

[OESY]

Shaughnessy was chatting with Houlahan when he mentioned that O'Gardy had been sent off to jail.

Houlahan was shocked. He said, "Sweet Mary, Mother of Christ, what for?"

Shaughnessy answered, “For shoplighting!"

Houlahan says, "You're crazy. You can't be sent to jail for shoplifting."

Shaughnessy says, "Aye, you can. He blew Harrods two feet off the ground."

.

[Bigh4u2]

“She had never shoplifted before. I asked her to help me. I guess the Pressure was more than she could take.”

Not to be negative..but..the irony in that statement just can't be overlooked...

[RightWingTeen]

Jeez, why would you want to SHOPLIFT from TJ Maxx, if I was going to shoplift — I’d go to Neiman-Marcus. :-)

[GladesGuru]

“Not to be negative..but..the irony in that statement just can’t be overlooked...”

Much of this thread is “pun-ishing”, to say the least.

[6SJ7]

You get the max for the minimum at TJ Maxx!

[A_perfect_lady]

Yeah, Lansing’s kind of... yeah. I got out at 19. Joined the Navy and GTFO.

[70th Division]

Does moving to Texas cure Dumb Ass?

[Toki]

opps. Thats why they have sarcasm tags here. Sorry missed that part, thank you for pointing it out.

[jagusafr]

If it does, all those people who come before me in Municipal Court are Yankees, and I just don’t think so...

Example: Two 15 year olds came to court on disorderly conduct charges for fighting with each other. Both of them said the same thing: “We’re friends, and all of our other friends are in alternative campus (AC), so we figured if we had a fight, they’d send us there”. One of them added, “besides, I figured I could raise my class ranking at AC”.

Sometimes I just shake my head...

Colonel, USAFR

[jmpmstr4u2]

Sorry, couldn’t help myself. The fingers just kept typing.. lmaoo

[TexasRepublic]

Very depressing.

[M203M4]

Kennedy gets brain cancer and we are all forced to sing his praises on this site and prayers up and all that other crap. Some poor dumb double digit IQ shoplifter actually dies in a horrible manner and it’s a big joke. Something wrong with that.

I wasn't forced to sing any praises for Ted Kennedy. I just stayed off those threads because I knew those threads would be watched by useful useless idiots and did not want to say anything that would paint a big target on FR (or make the tarring of FR by the resident FOX News garden gnome any easier).

As for the thief...never would have happened if she didn't steal. No sympathy from me - same goes for drowned border swimmers, dead drunk drivers, rapists who contract HIV, electrocuted car thieves, burglars who are mauled to death, etc etc etc. Don't expect a reward for doing wrong.

[Bommer]

Does moving to Texas cure Dumb Ass?

Hell yeah! Your IQ goes up 10 points immediately. Right now our state is being flooded with people from Michigan! So either their brains thawed and they got wise or they missed a turn going from Detroit to Kalamazoo!

[RightOnTheLeftCoast]

Not to be insensitive or anything, but does anyone sense a certain unfortunateness about the juxtaposition of these two headlines on a news site?