6 Formerly Kickass Creatures Ruined by Evolution (with illustrations)

Cracked.com ^ | 6/23/2008 | Walter Lawrence

[Soliton]

Evolution isn't perfect. Just as the Kennedy family can produce a Ted, some noble species go down the wrong genetic path and what used to be the Tyrannosaurus Rex can wind up as a modern chicken.

Here are six kickass creatures that evolution apparently decided were just too awesome to exist and then, to add insult to injury, evolved them into the crappiest replacements possible.

[rabscuttle385]

There is no evolution. Only a list of animals Chuck Norris allows to live.

[Shryke]

Finally, the final nail in the final coffin of Darwnistic Finality. They will never be able to deny this refutation of their implausible assertions, claiming undeniability even though Dinah Shore just denied it.

[LiberConservative]

And just how many generations did a pre-bird dinosaur creature have to live with crappy legs before it evolved crappy wings?

[Soliton]

Dinah Shore

Dinah Shore was around when the dinosaurs became extinct

[Soliton]

And just how many generations did a pre-bird dinosaur creature have to live with crappy legs before it evolved crappy wings?

9

[Shryke]

How do you know that? Were you.....in the kitchen? WERE YOU IN THE KITCHEN WITH DINAH??

[Soliton]

She sang in Disney cartoons in the 40’s and dated Bert Reynolds. You got a problem with that?

[elfman2]

Kickass Creatures Ruined by Evolution?

Well, first there was Reagan,... evolving into Bush41,... then Bush43, and now... John McCain?

[A_perfect_lady]

Possums are cool. I took care of a baby possum once. If you set out two bowls of water, they’ll use one as a toilet. It sounds disgusting, but actually, it makes clean-up very easy. Just dump the mess in the toilet.

[Soliton]

I had a cousin that caught a mama possum with babies attached. He wore the babies in his hair for a few minutes before returning them to mom and releasing them.

[A_perfect_lady]

Yeah, they make great accessories. ;^)

[REDWOOD99]

It’s so hot here, even Chuck Norris said “Whew, it’s hot!”

[wideminded]

Possums are cool.

I have heard that one should avoid putting two male possums in the same enclosure, as one of them will bite off the other one's tail.

[Kirkwood]

Don’t disrespect the pig. Without them there would be no bacon, ham, baby back ribs, pork chops...

[Soliton]

Don’t disrespect the pig. Without them there would be no bacon, ham, baby back ribs, pork chops...

Don't watch the video clip then. The piglet is so cute and dog-like it almost made me give up bacon.

[A_perfect_lady]

I have heard that one should avoid putting two male possums in the same enclosure, as one of them will bite off the other one's tail.

Yikes. I'll keep that in mind.

[Grizzled Bear]

Dinah Shore was around when the dinosaurs became extinct

Dinah Shore witnessed Helen Thomas murder the dinosaurs with her "Medusa-like" gaze.

[Soliton]

Helen Thomas was one of the grat plagues of Egypt too.

[Dumpster Baby]

Mmmm, pigs....