Posted on 05/20/2008 9:37:30 PM PDT by Daffynition
1. A black eye. Unless the rim hits your face mid-dunk, your peepers should remain unblemished. You're smart enough to talk your way out of any fight you're going to lose.
2. A witty e-mail signature. Quotes and song lyrics should be heard during toasts and karaoke performances, respectively. Don't let your electronic correspondence become the digital version of a motivational poster.
3. An empty refrigerator. Your larder should be amply stocked, your pantry provisioned. Always aim to be ready to create an on-the-fly, three-course dinner for her...along with breakfast in bed.
4. PlayStation thumb. When they're relaxing, grown men can behave like children. But if you devolve long enough to cause calluses or button-shaped bruises, you're assuredly missing out on life.
5. A key chain with a bottle opener. This bauble is both a gauche reminder of your college days and proof that you don't know how to apply leverage using available, impromptu bottle openers: a lighter, the back end of a fork.
6. A lucky shirt. Every shirt is lucky when worn by a man who knows that the harder he works the luckier he'll be.
7. An unstamped passport.
8. Olympic dreams. Exceptions: curling and archery.
9. Less than $20 in his wallet. Fiduciary nudity is negligence. A real man should always carry a business card and enough dough to pick up coffee, bagels, and the Sunday paper without whipping out the plastic.
10. A name for his penis. Even if it's a really clever name.
11. Any beer that costs less than $20 a case. And no exception for the grand-slam 30-pack that crosses that price threshold.
12. The need to quote The Big Lebowski/ Caddyshack/Superbad. Reciting someone else's lines reminds people that you haven't the wit to write your own.
[snip]
(Excerpt) Read more at men.msn.com ...
Well, I’ve got a p38 on my key ring, what can I say it works.
Add:
Fake Tan Cremes.
Thong underwear.
In an unguarded moment or two, and perhaps with the assistance of ethanol-based libation, I might tell you of my personal experiences with real characters who drifted through my life back when I lived in New York. They were rather well "connected", if you get my drift.
You also mentioned Tombstone which I've only seen once. Pretty good flick as well. I was considering The Quick and the Dead, starring Sharon Stone, but only because I thought she was hotter than a magnesium flare.
No doubt!
“What “H” mo wrote this?”
“That’s what I was thinking. I thought that whole metro-sexual bs died out. This guy needs to put down the eyelash curler and invest in a pair of balls.”
Reminds me of Bernie Mac’s comedy routine.......
“Stop that crying boy and do some push ups or something..!”
"I may be blind, but I got ahcute 'earing!"
1. Sexual relations with anyone under 18.
2. A written list of their sexual conquests. If you can’t remember them, they weren’t worth remembering.
3. A web site dedicated to a crush you have on an teenage celebrity.
4. A Barry Manilow album
5. Any album by any singer younger than 25.
6. A Michael Jackson album after he turned white.
“No, it doesn’t. It just makes you a sissy with a gun.”
Do you regularly carry? Have you ever had to defend your home against druged-out scum? If not, then watch who you are calling a sissy, you keyboard jockey.
It may make me LOOK like a sissy, but if you answer in the negative to both of the above questions, then YOU are the sissy (puke, wimp, keyboard warrior, etc.) who doesn’t understand the concept of surprise in a true life or death situation. That is unless you have served, in which case all is forgiven.
Hmm, after checking out your posts, I see that you did serve. All forgiven. Sill, “sissy with a gun” is a typical libtard statement, so no apologies for my response, either.
Less than 1000 rounds of ammunition on hand.
My favorite - "Never trust a woman or a government!"
Well, one of my favorites. Some I can't really post here, now can I? ;^)
“exfoliate” is that sumptin like defoliate?
I am sorry, there is just something wrong with that (and I Love President Bush), but the next thing you know it will be his boxer shorts. TOO MUCH!!!!!
I love President Bush, but that is going to far. The next thing you know I will find out it is on his boxers. That is just TOO MUCH!
Crocs should never be worn by anyone!
2, Plenty of real men out there who aren't redneck enough to wear a ball cap. I personally wear leather do-rags when it's cold, and cotton when it's not. But I realize that it's as much a biker thing as ball caps are a redneck thing.
Avoid floral print shirts and shorts at all costs.
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