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The Official Friday Silliness Thread |
Come and hit the OFST today....
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The Official Friday Silliness Thread |
Come and hit the OFST today....
Happy Friday, Lucky!
A Department of Water representative stopped at a ranch and talked with an old rancher. He told the rancher, “I need to inspect your ranch for your water allocation.”
The old rancher said, “Okay, but don’t go in that field over there.”
The Water representative said, “Mister, I have the authority of Federal Government with me. See this card? The card means I am allowed to go WHEREVER I WISH on any agricultural land. No questions asked or answered. “Have I made myself clear? Do you understand?” The old rancher nodded politely and went about his chores.
Later, the old rancher heard loud screams and saw the Water Rep Running for the fence and close behind was the rancher’s bull. The bull was gaining on the Water Rep with every step. The Rep was clearly terrified, so the old rancher immediately threw down his tools, ran to the fence and shouted out:
“Your card! Your card!
Show him your card!”
Boy do I need this to brighten my day today. I don’t want to be a downer, but today is the 1 year anniversary of the death of a friend and collegue of mine. If anyone is interested, his memorial is here: www.mbkmemorial.com
He didn’t like the casserole
And he didn’t like my cake.
He said my biscuits were too hard...
Not like his mother used to make.
I didn’t perk the coffee right
He didn’t like the stew,
I didn’t mend his socks
The way his mother used to do.
I pondered for an answer
I was looking for a clue.
Then I turned around and smacked the sh*t out of him...
Like his mother used to do.
Country Funeral Story
As a young minister in Kentucky, I was asked by a funeral director to hold a grave-side service for a homeless man, who had no family or friends. The funeral was to be held at a new cemetery way back in the country, and this man would be the first to be buried there.
I was not familiar with the backwoods area, and I soon became lost. Being a typical man, I did not stop to ask for directions. I finally arrived an hour late.
I saw the backhoe and the open grave, but the hearse was nowhere in sight. The digging crew was eating lunch. I apologized to the workers for my tardiness, and I stepped to the side of the open grave. There I
saw the vault lid already in place. I assured the workers I would not hold them up for long, as I told them that this was the proper thing to do.
The workers gathered around the grave and stood silently, as I began to pour out my heart and soul. As I preached about “looking forward to a brighter tomorrow” and “the glory that is to come,” the workers began to say “Amen,” “Praise the Lord,” and “Glory!” The fervor of these men truly inspired me. So, I preached and I preached like I had never preached before, all the way from Genesis to Revelations.
I finally closed the lengthy service with a prayer, thanked the men, and walked to my car. As I was opening the door and taking off my coat, I heard one of the workers say to another, “I ain’t NEVER seen nothin’ like that before, and I’ve been puttin’ in septic tanks for thirty years!”
