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Posted on 04/30/2008 11:44:25 PM PDT by Soaring Feather
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Family member...(we don’t talk about him much)...
Probably related to one of your minds, a figment of your imagination.
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Looks like a storm coming in the Pelican better hurry. Nice picture.
The Blonde Cook
A new young blonde bride calls her mother in tears.
She sobs, “Robert doesn’t appreciate what I do for him!”
“Now, now,” her mother comforted, “I am sure it was all just a misunderstanding.”
“No, mother,” the young woman laments. “I bought a frozen turkey loaf and he yelled at me about the price.”
“Well, that is being miserly,” the mother agreed, “Those turkey rolls are only a few dollars.”
“No, mother it wasn’t the price of the turkey roll, it was the airplane ticket.”
“Airplane ticket.... What did you need an airplane ticket for?”
“Well mother, when I went to fix it, I looked at the directions on the back and it said, ‘PREPARE FROM A FROZEN STATE,’ so I flew to Alaska.”
LOL!
Thanks, MsFeather.
Can you believe this, our temp is 41F right now!!? It is miserable out there. I have no idea what happened to Spring.
It’s NEVER gonna get warm again....
Must be the global warming has shifted to global cooling?
Tom, they are even talking the white stuff falling. We have had snow in May in past years, but this is getting on toward the end of May and should be warming up.
The Airplane Ride
Bill and his wife Martha went to the state fair every year and every year Bill would say, “Martha, I’d like to ride in that airplane.”
Martha always replied, “I know Bill, but that airplane ride costs 10 dollars, and 10 dollars is 10 dollars.”
One year Bill and Martha went to the fair and Bill said, “Martha, I’m 81 years old. If I don’t ride that airplane I might never get another chance.”
Martha replied, “Bill, that airplane ride costs 10 dollars, and 10 dollars is 10 dollars.”
The pilot overheard them and said, “Folks, I’ll make you a deal. I’ll take you both up for a ride. If you can stay quiet for the entire ride and not say one word, I won’t charge you; but if you say one word it’s 10 dollars.”
Bill and Martha agreed and up they went.
The pilot did all kinds of twists and turns, rolls and dives, but not a word was heard. He did all his tricks over again, but still not a word. When they landed, the pilot turned to Bill and said, “By golly, I did everything I could think of to get you to yell out, but you didn’t.”
Bill replied, “Well, I was gonna say something when Martha fell out, but 10 dollars is 10 dollars.”
| What American accent do you have? Your Result: The Midland
"You have a Midland accent" is just another way of saying "you don't have an accent." You probably are from the Midland (Pennsylvania, southern Ohio, southern Indiana, southern Illinois, and Missouri) but then for all we know you could be from Florida or Charleston or one of those big southern cities like Atlanta or Dallas. You have a good voice for TV and radio. |
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| Philadelphia |
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| The Inland North |
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| The Northeast |
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| The South |
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| North Central |
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| Boston |
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| The West |
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| What American accent do you have? Quiz Created on GoToQuiz |
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TREASURE ISLAND, Fla. (AP) - An Ohio woman is recovering after a pelican slammed into her face while she was swimming in the Gulf of Mexico.
Debbie Shoemaker of Toledo, Ohio, was swimming Thursday near Treasure Island, a beach community west of St. Petersburg, when she felt something hit her face.
The bird's large beak ripped through her cheek, requiring 25 stitches
FULL STORY HERE
Mercy, that bird sure ripped up her face, but then he died.
Gotta watch out for those birds while swimming.
Real Notes Sent to Milkmen
Will's Milkmen's Jokes. These notes were left in milk bottles.
Dear milkman I've just had a baby, please leave another one.
Please leave an extra pint of paralysed milk.
Cancel one pint after the day after today.
Please don't leave any more milk. All they do is drink it.
Milkman, please close the gate behind you because the birds keep pecking the tops off the milk.
Milkman, please could I have a loaf but not bread today.
Please cancel milk. I have nothing coming into the house but two sons on the dole.
Sorry not to have paid your bill before, but my wife had a baby and I've been carrying it around in my pocket for weeks.
Sorry about yesterday's note. I didn't mean one egg and a dozen pints, but the other way round.
When you leave my milk knock on my bedroom window and wake me because I want you to give me a hand to turn the mattress.
Please knock. My TV's broken down and I missed last night's Coronation Street. If you saw it, will you tell me what happened over a cup of tea.
More notes left in milk bottles
My daughter says she wants a milkshake. Do you do it before you deliver or do I have to shake the bottle ?
Please send me a form for cheap milk, for I have a baby two months old and did not know about it until a neighbour told me.
Please send me details about cheap milk as I am stagnant.
Milk is needed for the baby. Father is unable to supply it.
From now on please leave two pints every other day and one pint on the days in between, except Wednesdays and Saturdays when I don't want any milk.
My back door is open. Please put milk in 'fridge, get money out of cup in drawer and leave change on kitchen table in pence, because we want to play bingo tonight.
Please leave no milk today. When I say today, I mean tomorrow, for I wrote this note yesterday.
When you leave the milk please put the coal on the boiler, let dog out and put newspaper inside the screen door. P.S. Don't leave any milk.
No milk. Please do not leave milk at No. 14 either as he is dead until further notice.
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You must not be.
Well, it has been a while since I was. LOL
I’m a blonde
You’re so cute I didn’t notice.
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