Fine. Don't try to manipulate us with your sexuality.
4. Learn to clean up the toilet. If peeing standing up is so difficult and you are bound to miss, then may we suggest that you learn to use a toilet brush and sponge to clean up after yourself.
I'll sit down a pee like a girl. But you have to flush the toilet every time you pee. (You are not saving any water, because I'm going to flush it anyway before I use it. Twice.)
And don't ask me to unclog the toilet after you've tried to flush your, um, euphemisms.
And let's BOTH close the LID. I don't want my dog drinking from the toilet.
6. Don't do it, if you're not going to follow-thru.
Don't get me aroused if you haven't washed that thing in three days. (See Rule #1, something about "planning".)
8. Ask for directions
Learn how to read a map. I'll happily let you navigate, but I don't want to hear "You should have turned left three blocks back."
11. "I don't feel like talking right now" is an acceptable thing to say- Unacceptable thing to do is sit there and pretend you're listening and just say "uh huh" and "yes Dear"- it's condescending.
Don't ask me what I'm thinking. If I wanted you to know what I was thinking, I'd be talking.
13. If you can ogle so can we!
Ogle all you want. If it makes you horny, good. I want you to be horny.
But don't sit there reading Architectural Digest and sighing over brazilian-dollar homes full of fabulous furnishings that I'll never be able to give you. That f'ing hurts.
14. One remote is ENOUGH... no need to have a control tower in your living room.
Fine, if you agree that one pair of shoes is enough.
You're a smart woman, that's one of the many reasons why I love you. Please stop abdicating any responsibility for every piece of technology in our household. Why do you turn into a Luddite when confronted by anything with buttons? Take seven minutes and learn how this gear works. Timmy can do it, and he's only nine.
And BTW, I don't WANT to hog the remote, but dammit, if you're not going to hit the mute button when an obnoxious commercial comes on, then hand the g'damn thing over!
16. Your way is not always the right way. Learn to say- "I was wrong"
How about trying to be on my side from time to time?
A man is standing on a chair trying to change the battery in a smoke alarm. He can't quite reach it.
His mother would say, "That chair is too short."
His wife would say, "You're not tall enough."
17. If we can't talk to you during a football game, then don't try to get our attention during Gray's Anatomy.
You CAN talk during a football game. Just don't sit there quietly until the instant the ball is snapped and then start yakking.
Football has a rhythm. It's eight seconds of excitement, followed by 45 seconds of boredom. Talk during the 45 seconds. We don't really care what Tony Kornheiser is saying, anyway.
Look, ladies. We don't want to watch football, we want to enjoy watching football. And what we would really like is to enjoy watching football with you. Try to cultivate an interest.
Our wedding vows included:
(ME) I promise to go shopping for clothes with you, and hold your purse when you're in the dressing room.
(HER) I promise not to talk during third-down passing situations.
18. If you say you are going to do something, then just do it. Don't sit around thinking of creative excuses why you couldn't get to it.
Ceiling fans have to age for several months before they can be installed. It says so right there on the box.
20. Wendy's is not considered a romantic dinner for two.
It is compared to the snack bar at Wal-mart. And I guess you didn't think Black Hawk Down was a romantic movie, either.
Man Law: If you absolutely have to hold her purse, then make sure that you hold it like a running back holds a football.
SNORT!
I like your list....BTW, I loved the soundtrack from BHD.
“But don’t sit there reading Architectural Digest and sighing over brazilian-dollar homes full of fabulous furnishings that I’ll never be able to give you. That f’ing hurts.”
lol
Good Lord, what kind of filthy skanks do you hang out with??!!