LOL! - It shall be done!
But we're using sporks to shovel out the pork at the same time ;o)
Posted on 02/29/2008 5:00:01 AM PST by Lucky9teen
I think it does!
Hahaha.
TEN SIGNS YOU MIGHT BE TALIBAN
10. You refine heroin for a living, but you have a moral objection to beer.
9. You own a $300 machine gun and a $5,000 rocket launcher, but you can’t afford shoes.
8. You have more wives than teeth.
7. You think vests come in two styles: bullet-proof and suicide.
6. You can’t think of anyone you HAVEN’T declared Jihad against.
5. You consider television dangerous, but routinely carry ammunition in your robe.
4. You’ve never been ask ed, “Does this burka make my ass look big?”
3. You were amazed to discover that cell phones have uses other than setting off roadside bombs.
2. A common compliment is, “I love what you’ve done with your cave.”
And, the NUMBER ONE SIGN you might be a member of the Taliban:
1. You wipe your ass with your bare hand, but consider bacon unclean.
You Are a Colon
You are very orderly and fact driven.
You aren’t concerned much with theories or dreams... only what’s true or untrue.
You are brilliant and incredibly learned. Anything you know is well researched.
You like to make lists and sort through things step by step. You aren’t subject to whim or emotions.
Your friends see you as a constant source of knowledge and advice.
(But they are a little sick of you being right all of the time!)
You excel in: Leadership positions
You get along best with: The Semi-Colon
The seven dwarfs always left to go work in the mine early each morning.
As always, Snow White stayed home doing her domestic chores.
As lunchtime approached, she would prepare their lunch and carry it to the mine.
One day as she arrived at the mine with the lunch, she saw that there had been a terrible cave-in.
Tearfully, and fearing the worst, Snow White began calling out, hoping against hope that the dwarfs had somehow survived.
“Hello, hello!” she shouted. “Can anyone hear me? Hello!”
For a long while, there was no answer.
Losing hope, Snow White again shouted, “Hello! Is anyone down there?”
Just as she was about to give up all hope, there came a faint voice from deep within the mine.
“Vote for Hillary! Vote for Hillary!”
Snow White fell to her knees, crossed herself, and prayed, “Oh, thank you God! At least Dopey is still alive.”
All I Need To Know About Leap Year Birthdays, I Learned From My Cat!
Be finicky - they’ll try harder to please you in four years.
If you don’t like your presents, SULK.
If you get bored at your party - just curl up for a nap.
Don’t stress out over your first gray whisker.
Act completely unimpressed by the presents you receive.
Remember, this is your day, so if anyone bugs you, you’re
allowed to hiss and spit.
Take the day off and lie in the sun.
Stay out on the prowl all night long.
Demand only the most expensive fresh fish for dinner.
It’s a good day to shed your inhibitions.
If you aren’t getting enough attention, sharpen your claws on somebody’s leg.
Don’t let anything or anyone PUT YOU OUT!
And remember…curiosity might kill you, but birthdays won’t!
I used to work with a lady whose birthday was Feb. 29.
Happy Birthday, Annette!!!
A little girl asked her mother: How did the human race appear?
The mother answered: God made Adam and Eve and they had children and so was all mankind made.
Two days later she asks her father the same question.The father answered: Many years ago there were monkeys from which the human race was developed.
The confused girl returns to her mother and says: Mom, how is it possible that you told me that the human race was created by God and Papa says they were developed from monkeys.
The mother answers: Well dear, it is very simple. I told you about the origin of my side of the family while your father told you about his side...
She asked Kady what he had done over the weekend.
"I went to visit my Nana."
"No, you went to visit your GRANDMOTHER. Use Big People' words!"
She then asked Mitchell what he had done.
"I took ride on a choo choo. "
She said "No, you took a ride on a TRAIN. You must remember to use "Big People' words."
She then asked little Zach what he had done .
"I read a book," he replied.
"That's WONDERFUL!" the teacher said. "What book did you read?"
[I love this]
Zach thought real hard about it, then puffed out his chest with great pride and said:
"Winnie the SH*T".
- instead of McC?
Republican governor of Alaska! -> # 58
Bambulance bump...
Thanks. I laughed over the list. All the things listed my female cat, Mittens, already does. Thank God, she’s been spayed.
I was a question mark too...hmmmmmmm
| You Are An Exclamation Point |
 You're often a bundle of joy, passion, or drama. You're loud, brash, and outgoing. If you think it, you say it. Definitely not the quiet type, you really don't keep a lot to yourself. You're lively and inspiring. People love to be around your energy. (But they do secretly worry that you'll spill their secrets without even realizing it.) You excel in: Public speaking You get along best with: the Dash |
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