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****THE OFFICIAL FRIDAY SILLINESS THREAD***

Posted on 01/18/2008 4:59:39 AM PST by Lucky9teen

Thesaurus Day



When : Always January 18th

Thesaurus Day celebrates the birthday of the author of Roget's Thesaurus. Peter Roget was born on this day in 1779.

The Thesaurus has been an invaluable reference book for hundreds of years. Students and writers use it to improve the quality of their literary work. Do you remember how the book works? After High School, many of us forget. So, you're in good company. The Thesaurus lists synonyms (words with the same or similar meaning) for words. It allows you to avoid repetition in writing and speeches. It also lists antonyms...words with opposite meaning.

Enjoy today appreciating the value of the Thesaurus. If you haven't seen it in a while, take a moment to browse through it.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Origin of Thesaurus Day:
We know that Thesaurus Day was created to honor Peter Roget, the author of Roget's Thesaurus. We fully expected to find a book company, or the folks at thesaurus.com to claim to be the originators. However, we did not find the originator or the date of origin. Perhaps it was one of the millions of people who appreciate the value of this reference book.

MEN'S THESAURUS

"I'M GOING FISHING"
Means: I'm going to drink myself dangerously stupid, and stand by a stream with a stick in my hand, while the fish swim by in complete safety.

"IT'S A GUY THING"
Means: There is no rational thought pattern connected with it, and you have no chance at all of making it logical.

"CAN I HELP WITH DINNER?"
Means: Why isn't dinner already on the table?

"UH HUH," "SURE, HONEY," OR "YES, DEAR..."
Means: Absolutely nothing. It's a conditioned response.

"IT WOULD TAKE TOO LONG TO EXPLAIN"
Means: I have no idea how it works.

"I WAS LISTENING TO YOU. IT'S JUST THAT I HAVE THINGS ON MY MIND."
Means: I was wondering if that redhead over there is wearing a bra.

"TAKE A BREAK HONEY, YOU ARE WORKING TOO HARD."
Means: I can't hear the game over the vacuum cleaner."

"THAT'S INTERESTING, DEAR."
Means: Are you still talking?"

"YOU KNOW HOW BAD MY MEMORY IS."
Means: "I remember the theme song to 'F Troop', the address of the first girl I ever kissed, and the vehicle identification numbers of every car I've ever owned, but I forgot your birthday."

"I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT YOU, AND GOT YOU THESE ROSES."
Means: The girl selling them on the corner was a real babe."

"OH, DON'T FUSS, I JUST CUT MYSELF, IT'S NO BIG DEAL."
Means: I have actually severed a limb, but will bleed to death before I admit that I am hurt.

"HEY, I'VE GOT MY REASONS FOR WHAT I'M DOING."
Means: And I sure hope I think of some pretty good reasons soon."

"I CAN'T FIND IT."
Means: It didn't fall into my outstretched hands, so I'm completely clueless.

"WHAT DID I DO THIS TIME?"
Means: What did you catch me at?

"I HEARD YOU."
Means: I haven't the foggiest clue what you just said, and am hoping desperately that I can fake it well enough so that you don't spend the next 3 days yelling at me.

"YOU KNOW I COULD NEVER LOVE ANYONE ELSE"
Means: I am used to the way you yell at me, and realize it could be worse.

"YOU LOOK TERRIFIC."
Means: Please don't try on one more outfit, I'm starving.

"I'M NOT LOST. I KNOW EXACTLY WHERE WE ARE."
Means: No one will ever see us alive again.

And because it's longer...A Woman's Thesaurus


TOPICS: Humor
KEYWORDS: ofst; silliness; thesaurus
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Comment #61 Removed by Moderator

To: Lucky9teen
Barry says: "Hello there."
62 posted on 01/18/2008 8:35:15 AM PST by CJ Wolf
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To: Lucky9teen

Uncle Jay Explains The News

See http://www.funnieststuff.net/viewmovie.php?id=575

(The vid stops abt 4 times but hang in there.)


63 posted on 01/18/2008 8:39:46 AM PST by lilylangtree (Veni, Vidi, Vici)
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To: Lucky9teen

64 posted on 01/18/2008 8:50:47 AM PST by Lady Jag (I dreamed I surfed all day in my monthly donor wonder bra - https://secure.freerepublic.com/donate)
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To: backinthefold
5. The butcher backed up into a meat grinder and got a little behind in his work.

And the postman was a little behind on Second Street. He got a little behind on First Street.

65 posted on 01/18/2008 8:51:01 AM PST by LantzALot (Yes, it’s my opinion. No, it’s not humble.)
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To: Allegra

You sure that’s not, “Allah barfs”?


66 posted on 01/18/2008 8:52:37 AM PST by Lady Jag (I dreamed I surfed all day in my monthly donor wonder bra - https://secure.freerepublic.com/donate)
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To: Allegra
Barf was coming out of the sky in Baghdad last Friday.

Gives those "mud angels" a whole new twist... huh? :^)

67 posted on 01/18/2008 9:20:34 AM PST by r-q-tek86 (If your not taking flak, your not over the target.)
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To: tomkow6

Mess Cake

The Chaplain had been assigned to the ship and he noticed how much grief the cooks (Mess Specialists) caught from the crew and how they gave back as much as they got. He talked to the Food Service Officer and decided to talk to the cooks and get them to be more cheerful when they served the meals to the sailors coming down the line. A smile and a cheerful comment, a willingness to serve them will reap great benefits he told them.

After his pep talk the Food Service Officer and the Chaplain stood back and watched the food being served.

A new sailor aboard walked down the line but he didn't like anything he saw so he just carried his tray down the line till he got to the desert section. He picked up a saucer containing a large piece of chocolate cake.

The Mess Specialist looked at him, "Is that all you're gonna eat?" he asked.

The sailor said, "Yeah, the rest of it don't look too appetizing."

The Mess Specialist smiled and said, "Well, in that case would you like two pieces of cake?"

The Chaplain smiled and nudged the Food Service Officer in the ribs, "I told you my talk did them some good."

The kid said, "Yeah, man, I'd appreciate it."

The cook leaned over and cut the piece of cake on the tray in half.

 


68 posted on 01/18/2008 9:23:12 AM PST by Lady Jag (I dreamed I surfed all day in my monthly donor wonder bra - https://secure.freerepublic.com/donate)
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To: ErnBatavia
....The weather outside is frightful....let it barf, let it barf, let it barf


69 posted on 01/18/2008 9:23:17 AM PST by r-q-tek86 (If your not taking flak, your not over the target.)
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To: girlscout; Jersey Republican Biker Chick

LIGHT-HAIRED DETOUR OFF THE INFORMATION SUPERHIGHWAY ping to post 37


70 posted on 01/18/2008 9:26:39 AM PST by r-q-tek86 (If your not taking flak, your not over the target.)
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To: girlscout
THINGS THAT ARE DIFFICULT TO SAY WHEN DRUNK:

Coincidentally, brewery is tough to say without sounding drunk.

71 posted on 01/18/2008 9:26:41 AM PST by llevrok (Drink your beer, damnit! There are sober people in Africa!)
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To: r-q-tek86
Hi RQ...

Thanks for the Blonde, Ping.

Politically Incorrect and Damn Proud!! ha ha ha

72 posted on 01/18/2008 9:36:05 AM PST by Jersey Republican Biker Chick (RIP Eric Medlen. You will be missed.../ Get well Soon John Force!!!)
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To: ErnBatavia

What’s long and hard on a black man?
- Father’s Day
What’s long and hard on a mexican man?
- 5th grade
What’s long and hard on a white man?
- Nothing


73 posted on 01/18/2008 9:36:07 AM PST by Sonora
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To: llevrok

“Sometimes when I reflect back on all the wine I drink I feel shame. Then I look into the glass and think about the workers in the vineyards and all of their hopes and dreams. If I didn’t drink this wine, they might be out of work and their dreams would be shattered.
Then I say to myself, “It is better that I drink this wine and let their dreams come true than be selfish and worry about my liver.”
Jack Handy

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may leave you wondering what the hell happened to your bra and panties!

“I feel sorry for people who don’t drink. When they wake up in the morning, that’s as good as they’re going to feel all day.”
Frank Sinatra

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may create the illusion that you are tougher, smarter, faster and better looking than most people.

“When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading.”
Henny Youngman

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may lead you to think people are laughing WITH you.

“24 hours in a day, 24 beers in a case. Coincidence? I think not”
Stephen Wright

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause you to think you can sing.

“When we drink, we get drunk. When we get drunk, we fall asleep. When we fall asleep, we commit no sin. When we commit no sin, we go to heaven. So, let’s all get drunk and go to heaven!”
Brian O’Rourke

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause pregnancy.

“Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy.”
Benjamin Franklin

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol is a major factor in dancing like a retard.

“Without question, the greatest invention in the history of mankind is beer. Oh, I grant you that the wheel was also a fine invention, but the wheel does not go nearly as well with pizza.”
Dave Barry

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause you to tell your friends over and over again that you love them.

To some! It¢s a six-pack; to me it’s a Support Group Salvation in a can!
Dave Howell

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may make you think you can logically converse with members of the opposite sex without spitting.

And saving the best for last, as explained by Cliff Calvin, of Cheers. One afternoon at Cheers, Cliff Calvin was explaining the Buffalo Theory to his buddy Norm.
Here’s how it went:

“Well ya see, Norm, it’s like this... A herd of buffalo can only move as fast as the slowest buffalo. And when the herd is hunted, it is the slowest and weakest ones at the back that are killed first This natural selection is good for the herd as a whole, because the general speed and health of the whole group keeps improving by the regular killing of the weakest members. In much the same way, the human brain can only operate as fast as the slowest brain cells. Excessive intake of alcohol, as we know, kills brain cells. But naturally, it attacks the slowest and weakest brain cells first. In this way, regular consumption of beer eliminates the weaker brain cells, making the brain a faster and more efficient machine. That’s why you always feel smarter after a few beers.”


74 posted on 01/18/2008 9:38:12 AM PST by r-q-tek86 (If your not taking flak, your not over the target.)
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To: nuke rocketeer
I got our family feline a bar code tattoo so she could be cat scanned.
75 posted on 01/18/2008 9:40:58 AM PST by llevrok (Drink your beer, damnit! There are sober people in Africa!)
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To: r-q-tek86

A young cowboy from Wyoming goes off to college, but half way through the semester, he has foolishly squandered all his money. He calls home.
“Dad,” he says, “You won’t believe what modern education is developing! They
actually have a program here in Laramie that will teach our dog, ol’ Blue how to talk!”
“That’s amazing,” his Dad says. “How do I get Ol’ Blue in that program?”
“Just send him down here with $1,000” the young cowboy says. “I’ll get him in the course.”
So, his father sends the dog and $1,000. About two-thirds through the semester, the money again runs out. The boy calls home.
“So how’s Ol’ Blue doing, son,” his father asks.
“Awesome, Dad, he’s talking up a storm,” he says, “but you just won’t believe this they’ve had such good results they have started to teach the animals how to read!”
“Read!” says his father, “No kidding! How do we get Blue in that program?”
“Just send $2,500, I’ll get him in the class.”
The money promptly arrives. But our hero has a problem. At the end of the year, his father will find out the dog can neither talk, nor read. So he shoots the dog. When he arrives home at the end of the year, his father is all excited.
“Where’s Ol’ Blue? I just can’t wait to see him read something and talk!”
“Dad,” the boy says, “I have some grim news. Yesterday morning, just before we left to drive home, Ol’ Blue was in the living room, kicked back in the recliner, reading the Wall Street Journal, like he usually does. Then he turned to me and asked, ‘So, is your daddy still messing’ around with that little redhead who lives in town?”
The father exclaimed, “I hope you shot that son of a bitch before he talks to your Mother!”
I sure did, Dad!”
“That’s my boy!”

“The kid went on to be a successful lawyer”.


76 posted on 01/18/2008 9:41:47 AM PST by r-q-tek86 (If your not taking flak, your not over the target.)
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To: r-q-tek86

Old Rancher
>
> The banker saw his old friend Tom, an eighty-year old rancher, in
> town.
>
> Tom had lost his wife a year or so before and rumor had it that he
> was marrying a “mail order” bride.
>
> Being a good friend, the banker asked Tom if the rumor was true.
> Tom assured him that it was. The banker then asked Tom the age of
> his new bride to be. Tom proudly said, “She’ll be twenty-one in
> November.”
>
> Now the banker, being the wise man that he was, could see that the
> sexual appetite of a young woman could not be satisfied by an
> eighty-year-old man.
>
> Wanting his old friend’s remaining years to be happy the banker
> tactfully suggested that Tom should consider getting a hired hand
> to help him out on the ranch,knowing nature would take its own course.
>
> Tom thought this was a good idea and said he would look for one
> that afternoon.
>
> About four months later, the banker ran into Tom in town again.
>
> “How’s the new wife?”, asked the banker.
>
> Tom proudly said, “Good - she’s pregnant.”
>
> The banker, happy that his sage advice had worked out, continued,
> “And how’s the hired hand?”
>
> Without hesitating, Tom said, “She’s pregnant too.”
>
> Don’t ever underestimate old Geezers


77 posted on 01/18/2008 9:53:26 AM PST by llevrok (Drink your beer, damnit! There are sober people in Africa!)
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To: DaveLoneRanger

Also a real country song: “I’ve Got Tears In My Ears From Lyin’ On My Back In My Bed Whilst I Cried Over You”


78 posted on 01/18/2008 9:59:10 AM PST by Fudd Fan (Vic-tor-ee-in-Ess-Cee! I'm conservative and I'm with FRED©®™!!)
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To: Lucky9teen
Photobucket

Photobucket

79 posted on 01/18/2008 10:00:19 AM PST by dragonblustar (Once abolish the God, and the government becomes the God - G. K. Chesterton)
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To: DaveLoneRanger

Oh yeah — I remember that song!!


80 posted on 01/18/2008 10:05:16 AM PST by StarCMC (http://cannoneerno4.wordpress.com; http://starcmc.wordpress.com/ - The Enemedia is inside the gates.)
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