Howdy
Official Friday Silliness Thread
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Yea!!!
You might be a redneck pilot if:
—your stall warning horn plays “Dixie.”
—your cross-country flight plan uses flea markets as check points.
—you think sectional charts should show trailer parks.
—you’ve ever used moonshine as gas.
—your wheel pants have mud flaps.
—those mud flaps sport a chrome silhouette of a reclining nude.
—you think GPS stands for “Going Perfectly Straight.”
—your toothpick keeps poking your boom mike.
—you constantly confuse Beechcraft with Beechnut.
—you use a Purina feed bag for a windsock.
—you fuel your Cessna from a Mason jar.
—you wouldn’t be caught dead flyin’ a Grumman “Yankee.”
—you refer to flying in formation as “We got ourselves a convoy!”
—there is a sign on the side of your aircraft advertising your septic tank service.
—the set of “matched luggage” you take on your long cross-country flights is three grocery sacks from the same Piggly Wiggly.
—you subscribe to The Southern Aviator because of the soft paper.
—just before impact, you are heard saying, “Hey y’all, watch this!”
Yarrrrgh!
Eweeeewwwww!!!
You are one twisted pup, Lucky!
....or not
Have you ever heard that a dog "knows" when an earthquake is about to hit?
Have you ever heard that a dog can "sense" when a tornado is stirring up, even twenty miles away?
Do you remember hearing that, before the December tsunami struck Southeast Asia, dogs started running frantically away from the seashore, at breakneck speed?
I'm a firm believer that animals - and especially dogs have keen insights into the Truth.
And you can't tell me that dogs can't sense a potentially terrible disaster well in advance.
Simply said, a dog just KNOWS when something isn't right.....when impending doom is upon us . .
Check out the Global Warming Nazis response to this book.
Carols for the Mentally Disturbed
1. Schizophrenia -— Do You Hear What I Hear?
2. Multiple Personality Disorder -— We Three Kings Disoriented Are
3. Dementia -— I Think I’ll be Home for Christmas
4. Narcissistic -— Hark the Herald Angels Sing About Me
5. Manic -— Deck the Halls and Walls and House and Lawn and Streets and Stores and Office and Town and Cars and Buses and Trucks and Trees and.....
6. Paranoid -— Santa Claus is Coming to Town to Get Me
7. Borderline Personality Disorder -— Thoughts of Roasting on an Open Fire
8. Personality Disorder -— You Better Watch Out, I’m Gonna Cry, I’m Gonna Pout, Maybe I’ll Tell You Why
9. Attention Deficit Disorder -— Silent night, Holy oooh look at the froggy - can I have a chocolate, why is France so far away?
10. Obsessive Compulsive Disorder -— Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bell s, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells...
Jokes...
-Jose and Carlos are panhandlers. They panhandle on different areas of town. Carlos panhandles just as long as Jose, but only collects 2 to 3 dollars every day. Jose brings home a suitcase full of $10 bills, drives a Mercedes, lives in a mortgage free house, and has a lot of money to spend. Carlos says to Jose, ‘I work just as long and hard as you do, but how do you bring home a suitcase full of $10 bills every day?’ Jose says, ‘Look at your sign, what does it say?’ Carlos’ sign reads: ‘I have no work, a wife, and 6 kids to support.’ Jose says, ‘No wonder you only get $2-3 dollars.’ Carlos says, ‘So what does your sign say?’ Jose shows Carlos his sign....it reads: ‘I only need another $10 to move back to Mexico.’
-A Japanese doctor says, ‘Medicine in my country is so advanced that we can take a kidney out of one man, put it in another, and have him out looking for work in six weeks.’
A German doctor says, ‘That is nothing. We can take a lung out of one person, put it in another, and have him out looking for work in four weeks.’ A British doctor says, ‘In my country medicine is so advanced that we can take half a heart out of one person, put it in another, and have both of them out looking for work in two weeks.’ The American doctor, not to be outdone, interjected, ‘You guys are way behind. We are about to take a woman with no brains, put her in the White House, and then half the country will be out looking for work.’
-On a trip to Great Britain while he was President of the United States, Bill Clinton had a meeting with Queen Elizabeth. During that meeting he asked her, ‘How does one manage to run a country so smoothly?’
‘That’s easy,’ the Queen replied, ‘You surround yourself with intelligent ministers and advisors.’
‘But how can I tell whether they are intelligent or not?’ asked Bill.
‘You ask them a riddle,’ she replied, and with that she pressed a button and said, ‘Would you please send Tony Blair in.’ When Blair arrived, the Queen said, ‘I have a riddle for you to answer for me.’
‘Your parents had a child and it was not your sister and it was not your brother. Who was this child?’ Blair replied, ‘That’s easy. The child was me.’ ‘Very good,’ said the Queen. ‘You may go now.’
Sizing up his wife’s chances in her presidential bid, and thinking back on that meeting, Bill Clinton spoke to Hillary. He said to her, ‘ I have a riddle for you, and the answer is very important. ‘Your parents had a child and it was not your sister and it was not your brother. Who was that child?’
Hillary replied, ‘Yes, it is clearly very important that we determine the answer. Can I deliberate on this for awhile?’ ‘Yes,’ said Bill, ‘I’ll give you four hours to come up with the answer.’
So Hillary called a meeting of her campaign team, from top to bottom, and asked them the riddle. But after much discussion and many suggestions, none of them had a satisfactory answer. She was quite upset, not knowing what she would tell her husband. As Hillary was leaving her meeting, she ran into Barack Obama.
So she said, ‘Mr. Obama, can you answer this riddle for me? Your parents had a child and it was not your sister and it was not your brother. Who was the child?’ ‘That’s seems pretty easy,’ said Obama, ‘I think the child would be me.’
‘Oh thank you!’ said Hillary. ‘You may just have ensured my nomination for the Democratic candidate for the presidency of the United States!’ So Hillary went back to Bill and said, ‘I think I know the answer to your riddle.’
‘The child was Barack Obama!’
‘No, you dummy!’ shouted Bill. ‘The child was Tony Blair!’
I’m done w/ my Christmas shopping. Whoo Hoo!
The Dangerous Book For Boys will be purchased on Saturday for my nephew.