Posted on 12/14/2007 7:20:53 AM PST by Lucky9teen
Ya forgot a few.....
If the traffic on the other side of the freeway/tollway from the accident is backed up farther than the side with an accident, you live in Chicago.
If you slow down or stop to look at the car wreck on the other side of the road, you live in Chicago.
If you forget that a 4WD vehicle does not allow you to drive 75 mph on an ice covered road, you live in Chicago.
Jokes...
-Jose and Carlos are panhandlers. They panhandle on different areas of town. Carlos panhandles just as long as Jose, but only collects 2 to 3 dollars every day. Jose brings home a suitcase full of $10 bills, drives a Mercedes, lives in a mortgage free house, and has a lot of money to spend. Carlos says to Jose, ‘I work just as long and hard as you do, but how do you bring home a suitcase full of $10 bills every day?’ Jose says, ‘Look at your sign, what does it say?’ Carlos’ sign reads: ‘I have no work, a wife, and 6 kids to support.’ Jose says, ‘No wonder you only get $2-3 dollars.’ Carlos says, ‘So what does your sign say?’ Jose shows Carlos his sign....it reads: ‘I only need another $10 to move back to Mexico.’
-A Japanese doctor says, ‘Medicine in my country is so advanced that we can take a kidney out of one man, put it in another, and have him out looking for work in six weeks.’
A German doctor says, ‘That is nothing. We can take a lung out of one person, put it in another, and have him out looking for work in four weeks.’ A British doctor says, ‘In my country medicine is so advanced that we can take half a heart out of one person, put it in another, and have both of them out looking for work in two weeks.’ The American doctor, not to be outdone, interjected, ‘You guys are way behind. We are about to take a woman with no brains, put her in the White House, and then half the country will be out looking for work.’
-On a trip to Great Britain while he was President of the United States, Bill Clinton had a meeting with Queen Elizabeth. During that meeting he asked her, ‘How does one manage to run a country so smoothly?’
‘That’s easy,’ the Queen replied, ‘You surround yourself with intelligent ministers and advisors.’
‘But how can I tell whether they are intelligent or not?’ asked Bill.
‘You ask them a riddle,’ she replied, and with that she pressed a button and said, ‘Would you please send Tony Blair in.’ When Blair arrived, the Queen said, ‘I have a riddle for you to answer for me.’
‘Your parents had a child and it was not your sister and it was not your brother. Who was this child?’ Blair replied, ‘That’s easy. The child was me.’ ‘Very good,’ said the Queen. ‘You may go now.’
Sizing up his wife’s chances in her presidential bid, and thinking back on that meeting, Bill Clinton spoke to Hillary. He said to her, ‘ I have a riddle for you, and the answer is very important. ‘Your parents had a child and it was not your sister and it was not your brother. Who was that child?’
Hillary replied, ‘Yes, it is clearly very important that we determine the answer. Can I deliberate on this for awhile?’ ‘Yes,’ said Bill, ‘I’ll give you four hours to come up with the answer.’
So Hillary called a meeting of her campaign team, from top to bottom, and asked them the riddle. But after much discussion and many suggestions, none of them had a satisfactory answer. She was quite upset, not knowing what she would tell her husband. As Hillary was leaving her meeting, she ran into Barack Obama.
So she said, ‘Mr. Obama, can you answer this riddle for me? Your parents had a child and it was not your sister and it was not your brother. Who was the child?’ ‘That’s seems pretty easy,’ said Obama, ‘I think the child would be me.’
‘Oh thank you!’ said Hillary. ‘You may just have ensured my nomination for the Democratic candidate for the presidency of the United States!’ So Hillary went back to Bill and said, ‘I think I know the answer to your riddle.’
‘The child was Barack Obama!’
‘No, you dummy!’ shouted Bill. ‘The child was Tony Blair!’
I’m done w/ my Christmas shopping. Whoo Hoo!
Yep, only us old guys are working.
Hey, looks yummy! Hot food, what a nice concept.
The Dangerous Book For Boys will be purchased on Saturday for my nephew.
TOMKOW rack itttt ROFL
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