Posted on 11/14/2007 6:49:15 PM PST by GOP_Raider
Your rival. Your undereducated, cousin marrying disgusting scoundrel of a rival. Oh, sure you may say nice, cordial things to one another but let’s face it: you are fairly certain that the fan of your rival school I just mentioned is enriching uranium for Iran’s nuclear weapons program. Heck, for the sheer entertainment of it, he may kick puppies down the street and may have gotten saliva on either his SAT, ACT, or ASVAB exams in high school.
Some of you got your hostilities out of the way early (Louisville/Kentucky). Even more of you like to Git R Done during a state fair (Texas/Oklahoma). But for the rest of us, it’s this time of the month of November, when seasonal affectation disorder starts to kick in, where we play our rival and yours. The McCoy to our Hatfield if you will. Win and you have a whole year of greatness and bragging rights. Lose, and you get to hear irritating comments like “Harline’s Still Open” and, “you’re nothing but drunken idiots”, and if you say that one more time, I’m going to pluck all your back hair off your fat rolls one by one and serve them in your funeral potatoes, you self-righteous son of a---
*Ahem* sorry, got a little carried away there. Let’s just get to the games (and as always, all times are Eastern, probably thanks to your rival, those jerks!)
#2 Oregon vs. Arizona (Tonight, 9:00 pm, ESPN). America gets to see the glory that is Duck QB Dennis Dixon with their very eyes against an Arizona team that inexplicably gave Mike Stoops another year. Nothing against Mike Stoops or anything, I’m sure he’s a nice guy and chicks dig him, but unless the Wildcats are young this year, maybe it’s time to look at anyone not named John Mackovic?
#16 Hawaii vs. Nevada (Friday 11:00 pm, ESPN2) Hey, you know what the best defensive strategy in this game could be? Have both teams go for the onside kick every time they score. I am too serious, don’t laugh at me it’s a fantastic idea!
(for Bat_Chemist) Maryland vs. Florida State (High Noon) There’s still a reasonably likely chance here that the Noles may be playing in the Roady’s Humanitarian Bowl here in Boise (hey, that’s where I live!). What is Roady’s you ask? It’s a chain of truck stops…hey, don’t disparage truck stops like that, truck stops are the glue that holds America together in these troubled times!
(for Biggirl, Man50D, and CT_Freeper) Syracuse vs. #24 Connecticut (High Noon, ESPN2) I probably should have just kept my damn mouth shut last week, because I just had to say “oooohhhh, watch out for the Bearcats”. But on the plus side, this game will actually be on ESPN2. So you do have that going for you.
(for WhyisaTexasgirlinPA, hispanarepublicana, neodad, and all our Red Raider friends) #4 Oklahoma vs. Texas Tech (8:00 pm, ABC) How fun is this game going to be? The Sooners have thoughts of winning back to back Big XII Championships, Tech has thoughts of pulling the upset in the panhandle…the party in Lubbock has got to be a sight to behold.
(for Palmetto) #17 Boston College vs. #15 Clemson (7:45 pm, ESPN2) Life is sure looking up for Clemson these days. They get a BC team that went from a team that could play for a national title to needing this game to get to the ACC Title game. So in other words, right where they want them.
(for sean327) New Mexico vs. UTAH (3:30 pm) I figured it would come to this at some point, does every year actually. Honestly, I haven’t been sure what to make of the Lobos this year. They had a chance to beat UTEP in their first game, very well could have beaten the self-righteous $#@$#@ from Provo, and go into Laramie for Wyoming’s homecoming and beat the Cowboys. The Lobos are also a team that has had our number over the past several years (save for 2004). But this should be a very good game, and if we were on TV anywhere outside of Salt Lake or Denver, you all could see it—and possibly me, since I’ll be back in Salt Lake for the game yet again this Saturday.
Now to the rivalry games…
#7 Ohio State vs. #21 Michigan (High Noon, ABC) So would Michigan still fire Lloyd Carr if he lost this game? And apparently I didn’t see how Illinois could win that game last week…shows you what the hell I know. Oh, as I understand it, Ann Arbor is a lady of a morally casual demeanor, did I hear that correctly?
Northwestern vs. #19 Illinois (High Noon, ESPN) This is the battle for the Sweet Sioux Tomahawk, but political correctness guidelines at both institutions prevent me from showing you a picture of it. (Actually, that isn’t true, I just couldn’t find a decent picture of it to use. You’ll have to use your imaginations if you’re allowed to. You are still allowed to have one, right?).
Idaho vs. #18 Boise State (2:00 pm) Contrary to popular belief, potato sack races are not performed at halftime during this game. Actually, outside of French fries and the occasional bowl of New England clam chowder, there really isn’t much potato consumption during this game. The Vandals and the Broncos do play for this thing called the Governor’s Trophy, which kind of looks like a very expensive bowling trophy. Somebody around here needs to work on that.
Vanderbilt vs. #20 Tennessee (2:00 pm) A casual observer may just say “dude, this isn’t a rivalry, I bet Tennessee kicks the snot out of ‘em every year”. History may suggest that, yes. However, if you take anybody lightly, you’ll end up bamboozled with a dumb look on your face—just ask Steve Spurrier.
#25 Wisconsin vs. Minnesota (3:30 pm THE Big 10 Network) When a game that features such things as Paul Bunyan’s Axe and the kinda sorta defunct Slab of Bacon, that piques my imagination. What could be even more fun is if a real slab of bacon were on the line and the winning team got to eat the bacon and made the losing team cook it. “Wait a second…this is turkey bacon, I can taste this stuff from a mile away, nice try!”
Purdue vs. Indiana (3:30 pm THE Big 10 Network) Here we have the Battle for the Old Oaken Bucket, or the “Thank God Basketball Season Is Finally Here” game.
Penn State vs. Michigan State (3:30 pm, ABC) While doing my research for the games this week, I had nearly forgotten that the Nittany Lions and the Spartans play for the Land Grant Trophy. What distinguishes this apart from some of the other rivalry trophies is that it’s made of wood, so it offends most liberals. And it also weighs more than your average liberal college student, so they can’t sneak in and try to steal it.
Let us now look at a few other games that aren’t rivalry games but maybe they will be some day
#5 Missouri vs. Kansas State (12:30 pm) If you really want to ask Texas this you can, but K-State can sneak up and ambush you if you aren’t careful. Then everyone can say “oh, they were looking ahead to the KU game”, but I would hope you all wouldn’t go to the cliché well like that. I expect better from all of you.
Iowa State vs. #3 Kansas (3:30 pm, ABC) Out of curiosity, how often does one school have two teams ranked this high in both football and basketball? I mean that has to be some kind of record or something.
#1 LSU vs. Ole Miss (3:30 pm, See-BS) The Tigers may not get much of a challenge this week as it appears most of the matchups in this game favor LSU. But the SEC has been nothing if not exciting this year, so…
Have fun with your games wherever you are and remember…your rival’s fans may wait tables at the Waffle House and may have married their third cousin, but they put their pants on two legs and half and arm at a time, just like you and me.
Oh, “Your Rival: Part Deux” next week will be incredible, I promise you!
I'm not entirely sure it's very gentleman-like either, come to think of it...
Ryan Leaf’s brother just forced a pass on 3rd and 3, INT TD Arizona...it’s not looking good for the Ducks so far.
Holy Cow! AZ up 31-11. Q2 5:23
UO doesn’t look like the same team w/o Dixon.
Yeah,big loss.
Lesson of the season—
DO NOT BE RANKED NUMBER 2
This also looks very good for Kansas, as I would have to think they’d take the #2 spot now.
Kansas will go to number 2 then lose to Missouri.
Missouri will go to number 2 then lose to Oklahoma...
Do you see a pattern here?
Oh, I’m really sensing the pattern...would that put OU in the title game then?? Good hell this is out of control.
Yahoo has OK at number 3...huh.
Maybe they go to number 2 (?)
Either way sitting at number 2 is a bad place to be.
Maybe OK goes to number 2?
I’m confused,tired and cranky.
ESPN has Kansas at 3, Oklahoma at 4, Mizzou at 5.
So.....
Oregon loses.Kansas goes to number 2,if they win Sat.
Last game of the season- Mizzou beats Kansas.
IF Ok wins out, Big 12 Champ Game
OK number 2 plays number 3 Missouri—
If the trend continues,Mizzu wins and finishes number 2-—
and loses to LSU in the BCS title game-—
Maybe somebody wants them to lose. :)
Down goes Oregon...no thanks to Dixon’s knee injury. No one wants to be #2 this year do they?
A: Pay for the pizza.
Thanks for the cheerleader pics. Those Missouri girls are babe-e-lishous.
Some goalposts are coming down.
I do wonder if that could mean, should Ohio State beat Mich. if that could get them back into the hunt should Kansas lose at some point down the road.
No problemo. Looking at all of them, I’d say the Mizzou girls were the most attractive.
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