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Posted on 10/07/2007 6:40:02 PM PDT by Soaring Feather
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Hi Meg, nice graphic thanks.
LOL.
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WOO HOO, sooooo cool Meg, thanks.
The quake was sort of getting one to stop focusing on what I was doing. I was at my computer at work when I heard this sound followed by the sound of thing rattling and then a 20 second mild roller coaster ride. A few jumping jacks in your driveway will make you forget about your muscle soreness. ;^)
All of these pictures of lovely witches. What is a poor sailor to do?
;o)
I have to get out and about..and quit playin’ on the computer!Loved your good morning post.
Thanks, have a grand day Meg!
What? You got 1,050? It must be witchcraft. LOL.
LOL.
A man is walking home alone late on Halloween night.
It's dark, and the streetlights are out. Suddenly, he hears
BUMP!
BUMP!
BUMP!
behind him. He walks faster, but the sound keeps coming.
BUMP!
BUMP!
BUMP!
Worried he is being followed, he glances behind him and through the darkness, he can just see an upright coffin.
No one seems to be holding the coffin, it's just bumping down the street behind him.
The man is scared. He's sure it's following him! In an effort to shake it off, her turns a corner. To his relief, the sound stops. He keeps walking but before a minute has passed, he hears the familiar sound behind him again:
BUMP!
BUMP!
BUMP!
He is terrified! He starts to run towards his home, but the faster he runs, the faster the coffin bounces along behind him!
bumpity BUMP!
bumpity BUMP!
bumpity BUMP!
He pushes open his front gate, and runs up the path, fumbling for his keys. He coffin reaches the gate and effortlessly pushes it open. It's right behind him!!!
Finally his shaking hands manage to unlock his front door. He has no time to slam it behind him, the coffin is right on his heels! He rushes up the stairs, praying the coffin cannot climb after him.
BUMP!
BUMP!
BUMP!
The coffin pauses at the bottom of the stairs. The man breathes a sigh of relief but ...
clappity-BUMP...
clappity-BUMP...
clappity-BUMP...
The coffin is now climbing the stairs behind him. He runs to the bathroom - perhaps he can lock himself in there! His heart pounds and his lungs hurt with the exertion of running for his life! He has only just latched the bathroom door when ...
CRASH!!!
The coffin breaks through the bathroom door!
What can he do? The coffin is nearly upon him! He reaches out for something heavy that he can throw at the coffin, and his hand comes to rest on a large bottle of cough syrup.
Desperately, he throws the cough syrup as hard as he can at the coffin and
...........
...........
(wait for it)
...........
...........
..........finally the coffin stops!!
20 Ways to Confuse trick-or-treaters
1. Give away something other than candy. (Toothpicks, golf balls, bags
of sand, etc.)
2. Wait behind the door until some people come. When they get near the
door, jump out, wearing a costume, and holding a bag, and yell, "Trick or
Treat!" Look at them, scratch your head, and act confused.
3. Fill a briefcase with marbles and crackers. Write on it, "Top Secret"
in big letters. When trick-or-treaters come, look around suspiciously, say,
"It's about time you got here," give them the briefcase, and quickly shut
the door.
4. Get about 30 people to wait in your living room. When trick-or-
treaters come to the door, say, "Come in." When they do, have everyone
yell, "Surprise!!!" Act like it's a surprise party.
5. Get everyone who comes to the door to come in and see if they can
figure out what's wrong with your dishwasher. Insist that it makes an
unnatural "whirring" sound.
6. After you give them candy, hand the trick-or-treaters a bill.
7. Open the door dressed as a giant fish. Immediately collapse, and
don't move or say anything until the trick-or-treaters go away.
8. When you answer the door, hold up one candy bar, throw it out into the
street, and yell, "Crawl for it!"
9. When you answer the door, look at the trick-or-treaters, act shocked and
scared, and start screaming your head off. Slam the door and runaround the
house, screaming until they go away.
10. Insist that the trick-or-treaters each do ten push-ups before you give
them any candy.
11. Hand out menus to the trick-or-treaters and let them order their candy.
Keep asking if anyone wants to see the wine list.
12. Get a catapult. Sit on your porch and catapult pumpkins at anyone who
comes within 50 yards of your house.
13. When people come to the door, jump out a nearby window, crashing
through the glass, and run as far away from your house as you can.
14. Answer the door dressed as a pilgrim. Stare at the trick-or- treaters
for a moment, pretend to be confused, and start flipping through a calendar.
15. Instead of candy, give away colored eggs. If anyone protests, explain
that the eggs are the only thing you had left over from Easter.
16. Answer the door dressed as a dentist. Angrily give the trick-or-
treaters a two-hour lecture on tooth decay.
17. Answer the door with a mouthful of M & M's and several half-eaten candy
bars in your hands. Act surprised, and closes the door. Open it again in a
few seconds, and insist that you don't have any candy.
18. Hand out cigarettes and bottles of aspirin.
19. Put a crown on a pumpkin and put the pumpkin on a throne on your porch.
Insist that all of the trick-or-treaters bow before the pumpkin.
20. Dress up like a bunny rabbit. Yell and curse from the moment you open
the door, and angrily throw the candy at the trick-or- treaters. Slam the
door when you're finished.
As I was posting the joke I discovered that Tomkow is telling all my good Halloween jokes and I just found out that was one of them.
Spooky.
Top 10 Halloween things that sound dirty... But Aren't!
10. She's a goblin!
9. I'd like to get a little something in the sack.
8. Let me see your bag....OH!-You're having a great night!
7. Just get on your hands and knees and bob your head.
6. She's got a couple of nice pumpkins on her porch
5. If you just lick it, it'll last longer.
4. Show me your JuJuBees and I'll let you see my Zagnuts.
3. Have your mom check it before you put it in your mouth.
2. You scared me stiff!
1. He's got Candy spread out on the living room floor!
Halloween Rules,
When it appears that you have killed the monster, *never*
check to see if it's really dead.
Never read a book of demon summoning aloud, even as a joke.
Do not search the basement, especially if the power has just
gone out.
If your children speak to you in Latin or any other language which
they should not know, or if they speak to you using a voice which
is other than their own, shoot them immediately. It will save you
a lot of grief in the long run. NOTE: It will probably take several
rounds to kill them, so be prepared.
When you have the benefit of numbers, *never* pair off and
go it alone.
As a general rule, don't solve puzzles that open portals to Hell.
Never stand in, on, above, below, beside, or anywhere near a
grave, tomb, crypt, mausoleum, or other house of the dead.
If you're searching for something which caused a noise and
find out that it's just the cat, *leave the room immediately i
f you value your life.*
If appliances start operating by themselves, move out.
Do not take *anything* from the dead
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