Posted on 08/10/2007 5:13:24 PM PDT by snugs
This weekend's topic may seem morbid and maybe not the topic for a summer weekend but we did touch this subject slightly last week.
Death has an impact on all our lives whether we are single or not however it can be more poignant to those who are on their own as they do not have the backup of a spouse to ease the pain and sense of loss. It can also make us feel even more alone and desperate for a partner if the death is that of a parent.
Do you fear death either your own or a close friend or family member?
Does death impact how you lead your life ?
If you though you only had a short time to live how would that affect you in various aspects of your life and would you be honest about it when meeting someone new.
What are your thoughts about an after life?
Do you think that death is an acceptable subject for a social discussion or is it on your ban list?
Do you feel awkward and not know how to deal with someone if they advise that they have a life threatening disease or even more so if they have been told they do not have long to live?
The above is only intended as opener to the subject please feel free to discuss any topic relating to the above or anything that you wish to this subject is only designed to get the discussion moving this weekend but does not mean it limits us to this subject.
May I suggest a book I read a few years ago. It is called Reasons to Believe by Dr. Hugh Ross, Ph.D. . Or possibly Evidence that Demands a Virdict by Josh McDowell.
very good & thoughtful answers. Easy to see you have “been there” & not just academically addressing some issues.
I too care give my mom & thoroughly understand what you are saying about SS.
One modification.. If you wake up “dead” you will wake up more alive than you have ever been as you will have shed a big burden..your body & its concerns. (my thoughts)
Night all..
and Eleanor, this is a good topic to discuss. very needed as western folk seem to like to bury the death mentality & it will disappear.of course then there are more problems in dealing with the reality when it occurs.
thanks again
Well, I have not posted on the Singles Thread for some time, but this topic definitely hits home for me.
Some of you know that my husband died suddenly 5 1/2 years ago. We had a newborn baby at the time.
I have no fear of death. I believe he is in Heaven and one day I will see him again. In the mean time, our little boy needs his Mommy and most of my time is consumed with either working or taking care of him.
Unfortunately by the time I get around to reading my ping list, mostly every one else is already asleep.
{{{{{ TheresaKett }}}}}
good to see you theresa. Yes it is hard to juggle time & prioritize. What did your hubby die of so young (if you dont mind sharing)
I am about ready to sleep. had a nice long soak in tub &finishing my second chocolate martini.. (one prior to bath & one now)
He had a problem with his heart (coronary artery) that was unknown until the autopsy. At least (for his sake) he never suffered because of it and was gone instantly. One night he took our colicky 17 day old baby downstairs to pray with him to calm down so I could get some sleep, a few hours later I found him.
......Chocolate, sounds good about now, wish I could find some around here.
What a good thread....
Last Christmas, my husband and I talked seriously with the grown, married kids and with each other about what we wanted when it came time for us to leave this life.
So, on March 18, when we first saw the x-ray that told me he had cancer and it was terminal, we knew what we would do. We told his doctor(s) and it was done.
He spent his illness at home, with me (and hospice) taking care of him, and we had a wonderful time. All the family came to visit, and as many friends as could, and we spent many nights holding hands. When he could, we went out and sat on the deck and watched the sun set on the pond, listened to the frogs, talked about what he wanted to eat, or do.
When the last day came, and I knew it, our priest (who had visited him before) came and gave him the last rites, and stayed and talked with the grandkids. At 11:30 p.m., with me, the children, and grandchildren around him, my husband died. May 1 of this year.
We called hospice, and the nurse came, and then the funeral home came and picked up his body. He was gone, but he was still among us, no other way to explain it. We sat up and talked about him, mostly laughing about old family stories...
I’ve only just been able to return to mass. Not from any problem with the church, but because I like my grief private, and didn’t want to be a spectacle...after 37 years, every time I turn around, I miss him...
Death foreseen can be a blessing, it gave me time to tell him how much I loved him and would miss him, let me reassure him I’d be okay, but would grieve. He told me to remarry, “Wife is what you do best,” he said, smiling. I will never forget that...
One thing: everyone came in hushed and nervous, when they came to visit before he died—and they left laughing. “Why won’t anyone tell me a joke? I’m not dead yet!” he would say.
Six short weeks, then into eternity. I intuit that he is somewhere, healing, with wonderful angels-lovers-spirits keeping him company, the Great Physician making him finally whole, and finally at home.
And in grieving, I am not unhappy. Doesn’t make sense, here on a page, but it is true.
In one sense, you bring back memories of my late wife, who opposed transfusions based on her spiritual beliefs. When she lost a huge amount of blood internally, transfusions in the E.R. was the only thing that kept her alive.
But then, our E.R. experiences are not those of the general public. One of her daughters is an RN in the E.R. At 3:00 a.m., we sped through city streets at 60mph and over the bridges at 80, and she was escorted directly to a treatment bay. She had the doctors' immediate attention (luckily, at 3:00 a.m. there was almost no other activity there) and within two hours she had blood replaced and all the tests necessary to diagnose her condition.
Too many stories of conditions in other hospitals' E.R.'s justify your outlook on the subject. So again, best wishes for your outcome.
I bought the audio tape of Patrick Stewart reading A Christmas Story. I love that voice of his.
A good way to do that is to have a regular friend or relative that we ring every day or 2 even if that person is miles away. Make sure the person knows who holds a key to your place and in the event of not hearing from you for a couple of days rings that person to come and check.
I haven't necessarily had the experience. I cannot now think of anything comforting or appropriate to say, so I'm certain I would not be able to then either
I have been in that situation several times one quite recently with the wife of a former work colleague, retired employees were invited to a company BBQ and the wife of one of them had recently been diagnosed and been operated on for breast cancer. I asked how she was and she advised that really the long term outlook was not good as it had spread. Initially I was lost for words but somehow especially if the person themselves has/is dealing with it they come and you do manage to give some sort of support.
I also have a closer friend or really a closer friend of dad one of our neighbours opposite. She had been treated for bowel and stomach cancer a few years ago and even though it had taken a while to diagnose for a long time she was being treated for IBS and I think that the doctor possibly put some of her symptoms down to her time of life etc. Unfortunately recently though she had been experiencing some pain and other symptoms and they have done various tests and it has now spread to the liver and lymph glands. They are doing chemo and radio therapy but the long term outlook is not good. They have 4 children all grown now and 2 grandchildren but one of the children is very angry and blames the GP for not picking it up earlier. Whilst the couple do wonder if there could have been a difference if diagnosed earlier they do not blame the doctor and fortunately are strong Christians (strict and particular baptists or reformed Baptists you may know it as).
I find it difficult with them as I partly blame the GP as dad and I has suspected for months it was more serious but they did not jump up and down and demand second opinion just kept going along with it. Their particular Christianity does major very much with predestination so I wonder if this has something to do with their outlook on life.
What I often do with them is just listen and sort of agree with them it is easier than getting into a pointless discussion about something that you cannot change and would upset them.
I liked George C Scott version better. But it is a classic story...
I did liver and bacon a while back and it was lovely, I am about to go to the Supermarket I may get some liver as I have the bacon and the onions but not liver.
If a relative especially a son or daughter is advising you of the death of a friend or relative that can be a difficult one but I have found that often if you can continue the conversation long enough you find the right words
Though I have only read extracts I have been told the evidence that demands a verdict is an excellent book.
You have done one of the things that is on my list to spend Hogmanay in Scotland.
I have only visited Scotland twice (Glasgow) for Scotland V England soccer match that used to take part every 2 years unfortunately that no longer does as the home internationals (4 British teams) tournament died due to lack of support.
It was a great time though and I still have some souvenirs from the visits even though I was only a school girl at the time.
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