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*** The OFFICIAL Weekend Singles Thread *** August 10th-12th 2007-Death and how it affect singles
10th August 2007 | Snugs

Posted on 08/10/2007 5:13:24 PM PDT by snugs

This weekend's topic may seem morbid and maybe not the topic for a summer weekend but we did touch this subject slightly last week.

Death has an impact on all our lives whether we are single or not however it can be more poignant to those who are on their own as they do not have the backup of a spouse to ease the pain and sense of loss. It can also make us feel even more alone and desperate for a partner if the death is that of a parent.

Do you fear death either your own or a close friend or family member?

Does death impact how you lead your life ?

If you though you only had a short time to live how would that affect you in various aspects of your life and would you be honest about it when meeting someone new.

What are your thoughts about an after life?

Do you think that death is an acceptable subject for a social discussion or is it on your ban list?

Do you feel awkward and not know how to deal with someone if they advise that they have a life threatening disease or even more so if they have been told they do not have long to live?

The above is only intended as opener to the subject please feel free to discuss any topic relating to the above or anything that you wish to this subject is only designed to get the discussion moving this weekend but does not mean it limits us to this subject.


TOPICS: Health/Medicine; Religion
KEYWORDS: singles
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To: DancesWithCats
Where in England did you live sorry if you have told me before and I have forgotten. I come from Ashford, Kent, here is a close up of the sheep I took a couple of years ago.


121 posted on 08/12/2007 5:25:31 PM PDT by snugs ((An English Cheney Chick - Big Time))
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To: snugs
I remember the day when I was a child that death hit home. My gramma (dad's side in Queens NY) was dying. It took her TWO years and for those 2 years, we regularly visited her bedside (cancer) and heard her cry and moan from the pain and beg us to shoot her! I was only about six when this vigil began for heaven's sake. When she finally passed, I distinctly remember being loaded into the family station wagon to go to the funeral and the wake. I was so terrified. I prayed in that car that we'd miss it. We got a flat and we missed the wake. I was SO glad. I didn't want to see a dead body. Going to the funeral at the last and to the graveside to throw dirt on her coffin was incredibly difficult emotionally.

After that, we'd had one of our cats die (which before didn't really provoke a lot of thought ... they went to heaven) but this time, my sister and I spent hours with the dead body of this cat, petting her, talking to her, asking her to appear as a ghost cat if she could (LOL what boobs) ... and nothing happened. My sister and I went to our local Catholic church during the week when it was quiet and drank the Holy Water thinking this would tell Jesus how much we loved Him and He would appear to us (gee we were goofy).

Since then, I've kept my strong feelings of God and how much He loves us but He just doesn't interfere. He doesn't treat us as puppets on His stage and the world is one of chaos. What happens to us happens to us and He'll give us the strength to get thru it, but He's not going to direct the show. I do believe that people recover from cancer or other, but I don't believe it's because they were so special to Him or prayed extra good or anything. Just more chaos. Just IMHO.

122 posted on 08/12/2007 5:34:10 PM PDT by DancesWithCats
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To: snugs

Oh Lord Kent is so beautiful. You’re very lucky. I lived for a very short period of time (3 months) in Berkshire with my fiance. We were engaged about 8 months but he turned out to be NOT the person that I thought he was and I wasn’t going to go thru another lousy marriage. Flew home, me and my son, but I just dearly dearly love England and English people. Lovely country. Would go back at the drop of a hat.


123 posted on 08/12/2007 5:36:21 PM PDT by DancesWithCats
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To: DancesWithCats
Parts of Berkshire are very beautiful too. I am fortunate although Ashford is a built up town it is still very near the country and within a few minutes you can be in real Kentish countryside.

And I can always pretend and walk up the road to sheep and think I am in the country.

124 posted on 08/12/2007 5:49:56 PM PDT by snugs ((An English Cheney Chick - Big Time))
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To: snugs

When I walked up the road I liked for it to end at the bakery and creme cakes ... elephant’s knees!


125 posted on 08/12/2007 6:06:45 PM PDT by DancesWithCats
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To: snugs

I grew up on a farm with animals that died and some were slaughtered so I knew they died. And I guess I was not sheltered. When somebody died I always knew about it. I can’t believe how now kids are shielded from the fact that a parent has lost their job or whatever. I never lived in a jar of cotton balls like that.


126 posted on 08/12/2007 6:20:11 PM PDT by A knight without armor
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To: DancesWithCats

Thanks!


127 posted on 08/12/2007 6:38:32 PM PDT by RockinRight (Fred's Campaign: A hell of an opening, coast for a while, and then have a hell of a close.)
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To: DancesWithCats
I think that children need to be introduced to death but not forced to view a dead person or attend a funeral that the parent should be sensitive to how the child can cope or wants to do.

I know my dad says he wishes he had not been forced to see his grandfather after he passed away as for many years after he could not remember him alive. He had to deal with that memory of him laid out and come to terms with it before he remembered him alive and things they did together.

128 posted on 08/12/2007 6:46:42 PM PDT by snugs ((An English Cheney Chick - Big Time))
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To: DancesWithCats
My parents tried to protect me when my grandfather died and would not allow me to go to funeral. I felt I was old enough and wanted to go but somehow could not find the words to ask.

I think I inferred it a couple of times and it was obvious from the reaction I got that it was not an option and that I was too young to deal with it.

I have always wished though I went to the funeral.

129 posted on 08/12/2007 6:48:37 PM PDT by snugs ((An English Cheney Chick - Big Time))
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To: DancesWithCats

Cream cakes yummy.


130 posted on 08/12/2007 6:49:20 PM PDT by snugs ((An English Cheney Chick - Big Time))
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To: snugs

Ohhhh yeah.


131 posted on 08/12/2007 6:57:57 PM PDT by DancesWithCats
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To: snugs

Yes. These decisions to attend or not should be left to the individual child after a good explanation of what to expect. to force a child to attend or to not attend is cruel.


132 posted on 08/12/2007 6:59:09 PM PDT by DancesWithCats
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To: snugs

My Father died in 1994 after a loooooooong illness. (Emphysema ) For 15 years I had watched his body & mind fail from the lack of oxygen. His passing was a relief.

It was then I learned that each of us copes in different ways. Also, I learned that we each have different strengths and weaknesses. For example, I could not handle being at the Hospital when he died like my siblings. However I was the one who had the strength to focus on the myriad of details in arranging the funeral.


133 posted on 08/12/2007 7:06:11 PM PDT by Petruchio (Out to Lunch)
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To: Petruchio

Were you an adult throughout his illness? My father also died in the hospital but it was only 3 days after the diagnosis and all the doctors thought he’d be coming home and be fine. When they operated on him, they discovered that his body was littered with cancer from stem to stern. But he was such a heavy alcoholic that he’d allowed himself to kill the pain with whiskey and live like that for years. He was not a nice person and it didn’t devastate me the way that my gramma’s passing did. And I swear, to was religious again? I brought to him a prayer cloth and the moment it touched his hand as I explained what it was, coated with Holy oil and had been blessed by my pastor and church and prayed over for him? He threw it across the room as if he had been scorched by it. My gramma would have held it to her breast and cried for the good feelings that it gave her to have something so precious. People, yes, cope differently and people deal differently with death. It’s very personal and difficult and sometimes, as you say, a relief. I was glad to see him go. I don’t regret that he’s gone.


134 posted on 08/12/2007 7:12:19 PM PDT by DancesWithCats
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To: Petruchio

I can understand that - I did all the arranging of my mother’s funeral etc but I do not know how I would have coped with seeing her passing.

I am thankful I did not have to deal with that arriving at the hospital a few minutes after she died. I saw her and she looked peaceful but I was spared the actual moment of her passing.


135 posted on 08/12/2007 7:17:30 PM PDT by snugs ((An English Cheney Chick - Big Time))
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Comment #136 Removed by Moderator

To: DaveLoneRanger

I cannot remember crying at a funeral maybe a few little tears or a feeling of sadness but most of tears or emotions in each case had been dealt with long before the funeral.

Especially with my mother as she had not been able to hold a conversation or really know me for a long time only fleeting moments so she was not really my mum anymore so her passing was a relief that she was finally at peace.


137 posted on 08/12/2007 7:57:00 PM PDT by snugs ((An English Cheney Chick - Big Time))
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To: All

Well it nearly 4.00am and although I had a good lay in this morning I have work in a few hours so I need to get a couple of hourse sleep.

Thank you for participating whether as a lurker or a poster and look forward to “seeing” you either during the week on other threads on on next weekend’s singles thread.

Night all


138 posted on 08/12/2007 7:58:35 PM PDT by snugs ((An English Cheney Chick - Big Time))
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Comment #139 Removed by Moderator

Comment #140 Removed by Moderator


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