Officer: Good evening. Can I see your driver’s license?
Driver: I’m afraid I don’t have one. I was suspended when I got my fifth conviction fro drink driving.
Officer: Oh dear. Can I see the owner’s documents for this vehicle?
Driver: Actually it’s not my car. I stole it yesterday.
Officer: The car is stolen?
Driver: Yes. But actually, I think I saw the owner’s card in the glove box when I was putting away my gun.
Officer: There’s a gun in the glove box?
Driver: Yes sir. That’s where I hid it after shot the owner and shoved her body in the trunk.
Officer: There’s a BODY in the TRUNK?!?!?
Driver: Yes, sir.
When he heard this, the police officer radioed his captain for backup. In a few minutes, the car was surrounded by armed police. The captain approached the driver to try and diffuse the tense situation.
Captain: Sir, may I see your license?
Driver: Sure. Here it is.
Captain: Whose car is this?
Driver: It’s mine, officer. Here’s the owner’s card.
Captain: Would you mind just slowly opening your glove box so I can see if there’s a gun in there?
Driver: Of course officer, but there’s no gun in here!
Captain: Would you mind opening your trunk? I was told you said there’s a body in there.
Driver: No problem officer, but I assure you there is nothing in the trunk!
The police captain was very confused about what had happened.
Captain: I don’t understand it. The officer who stopped you said you told him you didn’t have a license, that the car was stolen, that you had a gun in the glovebox, and that there was a dead body in the trunk!
Driver: Really? Ain’t that something? And I’ll bet the lying sucker told you I was speeding, too ...
_____
The new Supermarket near our house has an automatic
water mister to keep the produce fresh. Just before
it goes on, you hear the sound of distant thunder
and the smell of fresh rain.
When you approach the milk cases, you hear cows
mooing and witness the scent of fresh hay.
When you approach the egg case, you hear hens cluck
and cackle and the air is filled with the pleasing
aroma of bacon and eggs frying.
The veggie department features the smell of fresh
buttered corn.
I don’t buy toilet paper there any more.
LOL Nice ones
guy speeds up 85,90,95,120...cop still chasin & gainin...guy has no more pedal left, so he slows down, pulls over and stops...waiting for the hammer to fall.
Cop says:
I’m at the end of my shift and I was going into the station, when I saw you were only speeding a little and I was only going to give you a warning.
Then you sped up.... now I have to go through all the paperwork, impound your car, take you in for an overnight.
It’s been a rough shift, I’m tired and I want to go home...tell my why I shouldn’t lock you up ?
Guy says: Last week my wife ran off with a state cop...I thought you were trying to bring her back.
Cop says: sir, you’re free to go, have a nice night.