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HELL EXPLAINED BY A CHEMISTRY STUDENT :

The following is an actual question given on a University of Washington
chemistry mid-term. The answer by one student was so “profound” that the
professor shared it with colleagues, via the Internet, which is, of course,
why we now have the pleasure of enjoying it as well :

Bonus Question: Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or endothermic
(absorbs heat)?

Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle’s Law
(gas cools when it expands and heats when it is compressed) or some
variant.

One student, however, wrote the following:

“First, we need to know how the mass of Hell is changing in time. So we
need to know the rate at which souls are moving into Hell and the rate at
which they are leaving. I think that we can safely assume that once a soul
gets to Hell, it will not leave. Therefore, no souls are leaving. As for how
many souls are entering Hell, let’s look at the different religions that
exist in the world today. Most of these religions state that if you are not
a member of their religion, you will go to Hell. Since there is more than
one of these religions and since people do not belong to more than one
religion, we can project that all souls go to Hell. With birth and death
rates as they are, we can expect the number of souls in Hell to increase
exponentially. Now, we look at the rate of change of the volume in Hell
because Boyle’s Law states that in order for the temperature and pressure in
Hell to stay the same, the volume of Hell has to expand proportionately as
souls are added.

This gives two possibilities:

1. If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls
enter Hell, then the temperature and pressure in Hell will increase until
all Hell breaks loose.

2. If Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls in
Hell, then the temperature and pressure will drop until Hell freezes over.

So which is it?

If we accept the postulate given to me by Teresa during my Freshman year
that, “It will be a cold day in Hell before I sleep with you,” and take into
account the fact that I slept with her last night, then number two must be
true, and thus I am sure that Hell is exothermic and has already frozen
over. The corollary of this theory is that since Hell has frozen over, it
follows that it is not accepting any more souls and is therefore,
extinct......leaving only Heaven, thereby proving the existence of a
divine being which explains why, last night, Teresa kept shouting “Oh my God.”

THIS STUDENT RECEIVED THE ONLY “A”.
_______

Those of you who travel or have experienced our own new version of Americana may find this allegorical story a hoot. To get the full effect, this should be read aloud. You will understand what ‘tenjewberrymuds’ means by the end of the conversation.

Hotel Guest dials room service:

Room Service (RS): “Morrin. Roon sirbees.”
Guest (G): “Sorry, I thought I dialed room-service.”

RS: “Rye..Roon sirbees. Jewish to oddor sunteen?”

G: “Uh, yes. I’d like some bacon and eggs.”

RS: “Ow july den?”

G: “What??”

RS: “Ow july den?...pryed, boyud o, poochd?”

G : “Oh, the eggs! How do I like them? Sorry, scrambled please.”

RS: “Ow july dee baykem? Crease?”

G: “Crisp will be fine.”

RS : “Hokay. An sahn toes?”

G: “What?”

RS:”An toes. july sahn toes?”

G: “I don’t think so.”

RS: “No? Judo wan sahn toes??”

G: “I feel really bad about this, but I don’t know what ‘judo wan sahn toes’ means.”

RS: “Toes! toes!...Why jew don juan toes? Ow bow engish moppin we bodder?”

G: “English muffin!! I’ve got it! You were saying ‘Toast.’ Fine. Yes, an English muffin will be fine.”

RS: “We bodder?”

G: “No...just put the bodder on the side.”

RS: “Wad?”

G: “I mean butter...just put it on the side.”

RS: “Copy?”

G: “Excuse me?”

RS: “Copy...tea...meel?”

G: “Yes. Coffee, please, and that’s all.”

RS: “One Minnie. Scramah egg, crease baykem, engish moppin we bodder on sigh and copy....rye??”

G: “Whatever you say.”

RS: “Tenjewberrymuds.”

G : “You’re very welcome.”