'BEYOND STUPID': Teen sentenced for putting sperm in salad dressing

St. Louis Compost-Disgrace ^ | 2007.05.24 | AP

[gas_dr]

Creamy ranch?

[antiRepublicrat]

for contaminating salad dressing with semen

Oh just say what you mean, he jerked off on a plate of salad at school.

The punishment will be nothing compared to the ridicule he'll get from fellow students.

[krb]

I wonder how he got caught. Perhaps some girl (or guy!) was like “now wait a minute...where have I tasted this before? Oh yeah...”

[Red Badger]

I DO NOT EAT SALADS OUTSIDE MY HOME.......now you know why........

[Dilbert San Diego]

why does he have to do community service work with AIDS patients?

[VR-21]

Ugh! Talk about revolting. I guess we should be relieved to know that it wasn’t one of the faculty or the Principal.

[Spruce]

Something like this would have earned you permanent tenure on the ass-kicking list when I was in school.

[Red Badger]

Bring home the Hellman’s and bring home the Best!......

[krb]

I guess to show them other ways to pleasure yourself without needing to stick your weenie into other sick people.

[Red Badger]

This same thing happened when I was a kid in Jacksonville, FL at The Biff Burger restaurant, circa 1969-70.....

[Tatze]

This could be interesting!!

[andy58-in-nh]

It was quite a bit worse than that - he, ahem, “contaminated” the entire commercial-sized container.

[PBRSTREETGANG]

Biting my tongue on that straight line.

[basil]

I go a bit further than you--I try very hard not to anything anything outside of my home. Now, of course, I've just had the horrible thought that any processed food (cans, bottles, etc) could be easily contaminated during the processessing stage.

Damn--life is hard when you're this paranoic--LOL!

[basil]

Corrections to previous post:

I go a bit further than you--I try very hard not to eat anything outside of my home. Now, of course, I've just had the horrible thought that any processed food (cans, bottles, etc) could be easily contaminated during the processessing stage.

Damn--life is hard when you're this paranoid--LOL!

[Froufrou]

No, most likely some other perv was contaminating the gravy at the same time and in the same place, then got to the principal’s office before Marco sicko.

[antiRepublicrat]

It was quite a bit worse than that - he, ahem, “contaminated” the entire commercial-sized container.

This will reflect on the sad state of affairs these days, but some girls (and boys) in the lunch line were probably saying "Hmmm, this tastes familiar..."

[antiRepublicrat]

Damn, you beat me! (uh, don’t take that wording wrong)

[antiRepublicrat]

Bring home the Hellman’s and bring home the Best!......

This would have been classic had his last name been Hellman.