[AFPhys]

I've got a situation here I need to bounce off people I trust - that means you all, collectively.

Please help me if you think you have any experience or thoughts to contribute to this. All ATRWer comments are solicited and welcomed.

Setup:
My 10yo daughter is in 4th grade.  I have sole custody, though I try hard to work with her mom on critical decisions.  For historical reasons, daughter is in Catholic school which resides in a school district that is NOT in the same school district our home is in.  The closest Catholic high schools are 50 miles away.  So, sometime in the future, she will be changing to the public school system, in the school district in which I reside, and that will result in a COMPLETE change of her social circle - much like moving - as in addition we'll probably be changing the church we regularly attend for the most part when I make the move, at least gradually, to the church associated with the "new" school district.

She makes friends rather easily right now, and has pretty decent self-confidence.  She was rather blase about my tentative exploration with her about changing schools... but it might just have been bravado, or her "saying what dad wants to hear", I realize.

Present school district: 6-8th grade jr high.
My school district: 7-9th grade jr high.

Present Catholic school: up to 8th grade, if they can manage to muster sufficient attendance, which they did not this year ...
Possible Catholic school in My school district: up to 6th grade... good 5th/6th socially according to reports.

For both her mom and me, whenever we change to My school district, it will be much less convenient for us... and that is reason I didn't change earlier... but can't wait much longer.  Of course, her mom's solution is that I sell my house and change school districts, which is not realistic financially - and mom is in extreme opposition now that I've made it clear this change is in the wings some time.  However, I believe the important factor here is not my convenience, or hers, but rather our daughter's welfare.

Up until yesterday, I was agonizing whether, 1) make the change next year, for 5th grade, so as to give her some "transition" time and so she would have at least a small circle of friends from Catholic school when she gets thrown into the "new" public jr. high school, or, 2a) sticking it out at this Catholic school until at 8th or 9th grade, depending on how long we the present Catholic school had viable classes.

Meeting with her present school teachers (very supportive of ME making best decision for her despite their attendance situation) led me to the realization that I was ignoring the REAL, much better, second alternative: 2b) Place her in the 'new' jr.high at the start of 7th grade, when all students would be starting in the bigger fish pond and forming new friendships.

So I'm now agonizing over "5th or 7th" and would love to hear opinions from anybody here ... would it be better to make:

1. Two "milder" transitions (Catholic> Catholic 5th no existing friends> public 7th with some friends),
2. One "huge" transition (Catholic> public 7th with no existing friends)

She has been very sheltered from the coarseness of life she's going to discover when she goes to the public system- much more, I think, than most Catholic children in her school, as we listen almost exclusively to evangelical Christian radio, and have only genteel, solid, practicing Christian, friends.  I'm taking the day off to try to talk to some folks from the jr.high to get their read... I've already done sufficient work to be very satisfied that the Catholic 5th would work out well either way. 

What are thoughts, especially regarding the 'new friendship forming' part of this 5th vs. 7th?

I have to make the decision very soon, like by Tuesday, I think, and will spend a lot of time here discussing this with you unless it is deemed too much for the thread... And I will appreciate any bandwidth and thinking you will lend me, whether on thread so others can join in the discussion or by FReepmail.  If you want to talk to me by phone, let's exchange numbers by FReepmail... 

[AFPhys]

Minor additions (no matter how much I proofread, I still have something left loose):

Mom hasn’t lived with us for over six years, and lives in “present” school district. (Of course, she still thinks she has a right to run my life... lol)

Daughter’s circle of friends are all part of the present school district - no friends in the local neighborhood - since we’ve spent all our energy up to this time nurturing those friendships and taking part in those activities.

[lysie]

I will give this some thought.

Right now, I just want to congratulate you for being such a great father. Our world would be a much better place if others were even half as concerned.

Thank you!

[lysie]

One thing to keep in mind is that due to other changes in your daughter's life as she gets older , those changes may hinder how easily she adapts.

Get my drift?

[Iowa Granny]

2b) Place her in the 'new' jr.high at the start of 7th grade, when all students would be starting in the bigger fish pond and forming new friendships.

From my point of view, having raised 3 sons who went to Parochial School K-8 and now having 6 gc in Catholic School, K-6, you have identified the best solution.

Making the switch when everyone else is switching, as well, is the best possible choice.

My son's families are wrestling with this same issue, and have both decided to make the 'jump' when all the other students are also making the change. It will avoid the NEW KID issues. Everybody will be NEW.

[Mrs.Liberty]

I like your 2b solution—moving her at the start of 7th grade. My son did this—went from a small private school (and a 7th grade class of 14) to a 7th grade class of about 450. Long story, but we pulled him out of the very un-Christianlike parochial school midyear. He absolutely did not mind being the small fish in a big pond—found a group of like-minded kids (library dwellers and computer “geeks”) to hang with in short order.

[EDINVA]

I’ll join the 2b) chorus. It’s much easier for any kid to start new when everyone else does, and the groups/cliques aren’t established. They have a way of gravitating toward their own kind no matter where they are.

So many parents have probably made that choice, it might explain why the Catholic school can’t go through 8th grade some years.