Posted on 03/23/2007 11:44:31 AM PDT by Eleutheria5
Squarebarb:
There were some of us including GOPpoet who were thinking of starting a writer's thread here on FR. There's a horse thread, a football thread, a Hobbit Hole thread, so why not a thread for us writers?
And mainly sticking to fiction otherwise the discussion tends toward politicsa iinstead of the craft of writing.
Okay Eleutheria5, YOU start the thread."
Eleutheria5:
On it. Could use some help from someone who knows how to do HTTP and other techy stuff, though. Tried to learn, but drat that right hemisphere dominance we creative folks have. I've actually been running a board on the aol writers' club since 1996 called Conservative Writers' Club. Mostly it simply fights flame wars with liberal writers, though, and all the conservative contributors, including me, burn out. It'd be great to get away from that and just swap ideas with people who DON'T wish every one of us a flaming death.
(Excerpt) Read more at freerepublic.com ...
I didn't feel it from Margaret's, the police, or Simeon's persepective. I felt that I was involved though - like I had a front row seat for the action. On the outside but still involved.
That was the intended perspective, achieved by switching back and forth without a personal attachment. And that's what works well in action scenes ... the reader's mind automatically makes a choice of perspective if not directed by the writer.
Did you write that?
It is very good. Fifth Novel... I am so impressed.
It's okay and serves the intended purpose. Don't be impressed by numbers, it's fun work.
That was very good, in my humble opinion. Were I an editor, I might have flagged one or two uses of the past tense. But from a reader's standpoint, it was engaging and moved well.
A valid method. I prefer to have the reader associate with a character, and so I would have told that from the Israeli’s POV, the woman at the window, or maybe even the cop’s POV.
Back to the topic of description, here's something I wrote that (hopefully) puts all the description into the flow of the story.
“Master! The Founder, all praise to his name, has forbidden all contacts with mortals!”
The Sun God chuckled, raising his blond eyebrows in a reassuring nod at his nervous servant. “Dedi, you worry too much. My father is currently busy in a parallel universe. He’ll never even know we stopped here.”
Dedi, a small winged cherub, rubbed his hands nervously. His wings flapped slowly, allowing him to hover near the seven foot tall vision of manly perfection that was the Sun God.
“Master, you said that when you sported with all twenty-four daughters of The High Garrick of the Outer Rim. Yet the Founder banished you to Heaven’s Lowest Kingdom for a decade for that debacle.”
“A little slumming is good for the soul, Dedi. As you’ll remember, I met that lovely Nearly Fallen Angel in a bar there. And five years straight of the banishment passed in her bed.”
“Please, master, let’s learn from our mistakes, just this once?”
The Sun God gave his servant a good-natured slap on the back. A cloud of feathers puffed up from Dedi’s white fluffy wings. “Dedi, I’m an immortal god. Forever is too long without mistakes.”
“Oh, here we go again,” Dedi said, the tips of his wings sagging as he followed his master down the hillside and towards the lights of the small town.
If you can remember, please flag the use of past tense and I will correct them.
Thank you again.
May I please be on your list?
I'll watch and listen; and maybe I'll learn something.
:-)
Now, the way you interspersed all the action, description, with the dialog, is the way I prefer to write as well. In one smooth flow - all of it coming together seamlessly. So, when I have to stop and write a needed descriptive narrative, it goes against my natural bent.
In just this segment you get the relationship between your two characters right off. Thank you for you sharing. I'm still chuckling.
please ping JamesP81 - he has the list.
:-) Thanks!!
Jackson was born on January 21, 1824, in the western portion of Virginia that had remained faithful to the Union at the start of the war and was even now in the process of forming a new state.
The “had” is not necessary. “Jackson was born on January 21, 1824, in the western portion of Virginia that remained faithful to the Union at the start of the war and was even now in the process of forming a new state.”
Have a great lunch. And thanks for the heads up on the "had".
Don't be afraid to contribute either. :)
The grasshopper must first learn--before it speaks.
:-)
Well, as you can tell... we have some really talented writers on this thread.
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