Posted on 02/10/2007 11:08:57 AM PST by WFTR
It would be a big change from campaigns to take planets, asteroids, ships involving large land and space battles and the surrounding political climate of the war and how it all effects this squad of Marines to writing that kind of thing. And no, I do not currently have a girl that I just talk to so I am at a major disadvantage here.
I guess this feeling shows a big male/female difference. I've never been intimidated to meet a woman that others thought might be right for me. In my church days, I'd sometimes ask for a delay because i thought that I had "to pray about it" a certain amount before it was okay to meet someone, but I was never that worried about meeting. In some ways, it was interesting and at times discouraging to see what some other people thought was appropriate for me. In more recent years, I've had people say that they were trying to set something up, but nothing more has ever been said. I've always avoided bringing it up again because I don't want to create awkwardness if the person heard the description and was very turned off.
For me, the bigger problem is that I won't take the chance of "drilling dry holes." I hate to go to some social function where I might meet someone if I think it's likely that I'll not meet anyone remotely appropriate. I'm not at my best in those gatherings and don't enjoy them. When they're over and I haven't met anyone or met someone who clearly wasn't interested, I feel particularly discouraged that I've wasted a few hours of my life and accomplished nothing. I think of other things I could have done and enjoyed more or felt better about doing. Those feelings keep me from going to the next event.
I know how you feel. My normal writing was political commentary on my time and engineering issues at work. The switch to relationship short stories was always a shock.
Yep. And I have no personal experience in relationships to work from.
I spent the first 30 or so years of my adult life always looking and hoping for that special someone, going through some horrible relationships in that process and one miserable failed marriage. I am probably considerably older than many here, but I finally realized that, as FrouFrou said, I am responsible for my own happiness, and that no other person can make me happy if I am not happy with myself. It was not an easy change to make. Sometimes I think females are not conditioned to think in that way, or at least weren't conditioned to think in that way when I was of impressionable age.
This sounds quite Pollyanish, but I wake up every morning determined to be happy, and 9 times out of 10, I am.
But despite my lack of experience, I might give it a try.
That's great!
Thank you for the compliment.
That was bad advice, about the jobplace. I dated a co-worker once and it was a bad idea, but the may be because he dated other co-workers, too. I've always had a disregard for guys who 'make their way through the ranks' in circles of friends, etc.
Let's ask Moni what she thinks...
My best friend is an engineer and I understand what you mean everything is planned written down and of course a drawing made.
I asked to ascetain in a table would fit in my kitchen and I ended up with a floor plan.
:0)
That is my philosophy as well
I know many engineers, and all have a bit of trouble loosening up in the non-work world. I don't know what it is about you creatures, but do me a favor.
Think of your favorite song, play it, and get up and dance. Be silly for two minutes. Even if you are a terrible dancer. No one will be there, just let loose. I guarantee you will feel a bit better after you do that.
If you notice, there are very few children who are brooding and depressed, rigid in their activities and apprehensive about their future. You know why? Because children know how to be silly. They know how to enjoy the moment. They know how to play, without worrying about tomorrow.
Adults can benefit a great deal by remembering how carefree we were when we were kids. What changed? You learned how to worry.
Play a song, and go silly. Just for two minutes. It's good exercise, too. ; )
LOL We never really turn it off.
Don't I know it but it can come in handy, he is a brilliant packer he can immediately see what will fit into car boot (trunk), box etc.
I agree with Froufrou: work is 99.44% off-limits. There are probably some exceptions but for starters; if you marry and live with someone do you really want to literally be together 24/7, home and work? Plus, the office can be gossip-central.
This sounds quite Pollyanish, but I wake up every morning determined to be happy, and 9 times out of 10, I am.
When I was younger and still going to church, I had a preacher who had supported himself for much of his life as a salesman because he pastored churches that were too small or too poor to pay him. I had originally gone to his church when I was in college, and being a pastor in a town with an engineering school, he'd known many engineers who came to him for advice.
He once told me about a big difference between engineers and salesmen. He said that if a salesman makes 10 sales calls and gets 10 rejections, the salesman says to himself, "The next call is bound to produce a sale. I have a great product. I have a great presentation. If the last 10 calls haven't worked out, the next one is bound to be a success." On the other hand, if an engineer were to make 10 sales calls and get 10 rejections he'd say, "Okay, I've run this experiment. I've gotten a repeatable result. I can draw my conclusion now. I'm not going to be able to sell this product."
There are very different mindsets that are a part of what makes every person a human being. Those mindsets come with different advantages and disadvantages. I'd guess that you wouldn't want to drive over a bridge designed by an engineer who took the attitude that even though his last 10 designs had failed, he was a great engineer who had great designs, and his next bridge was bound to stand for 100 years. On the other hand, if there weren't people who could persuade themselves that a product was good regardless of past failures, maybe commerce couldn't happen because no one would be wiling to take commercial risks.
My point is that not all of us can just say that "Today is going to be a good day," and make a good day happen. We just aren't made that way. I've been through numerous experiences in my life where I was determined that I was going to turn a setback into something positive or I was entering an unknown situation and was going to make it into something positive. I worked and worked and worked to make those positive things happen, but the result of the situation was negative. When I looked at the facts, I had to admit that things had gone poorly by any reasonable measure.
If you can wake up every morning determined to be happy and succeed 9 of 10 times, that's great. I mean it when I say that I'm impressed. I suspect that your mindset is more like that of the salesman. You can tell yourself that things can be good even though you may face evidence to the contrary, and you can eventually convert that confidence into good returns. I'm speculating about you, and I understand that I can't expect to be right about someone who is a stranger except for five or six lines of text on an internet forum. If I'm wrong, I apologize. If I'm anywhere close to being right, maybe there's more good information that you can add to this thread.
I want to give another illustration. In the course of earning my engineering degrees, I've taken many classes on many subjects. In some cases, I can understand the theory and the practice of some topic fairly easily. In some cases, I can understand the theory, but I have a hard time with the practice. In other cases, I can do the practice well enough by following a few guidelines and principles, but I have a hard time with the theory. Sometimes, when I can do the practical applications, doing them enough times makes the theory clear to me.
To some extent, my original questions are about practice rather than theory. I'm asking for discussion of things to do to prepare for marriage or things to do once remaining single seems inevitable. My idea was to put out some practical ideas without addressing theory. To me, your reply seems more about theory, or maybe the practice of a mindset that some of us simply don't have. If you could take what you know but step outside your perspective, is there a different way to say what you know that would make it easier to understand for someone with a completely different mindset and perspective?
Bill
PS. Has anything that I've said in this post made the least bit of sense?
I don't have a favorite song, but I worked out tonight including five or ten minutes on my punching bags. Few things can look as silly as an overweight, middle-aged engineer beating on a punching bag. I don't know whether that counts, but it was the best that I could do.
Thanks for the confirmation. I had big reservations about seeking someone at work. Strangely enough, we have quite a few couples of both work at the plant. To some extent, they avoid the 24/7 thing because they work in different areas and usually go all day without seeing one another. I also agree that I really don't want to deal with the office gossip aspects of the situation.
Yes, your post to me, as well as your other posts, make a great deal of sense, and are well thought-out.
I knew that I could not live in the abject despair if I didn't try to get, and succeed at getting, the attitude that I now have about that part of my life and my life now.
My heart's desire, since I became an adult, was to have someone to share my life with. The comment I posted was about how I came to terms with that, not an easy thing for me to do after many failed relationships and a failed marriage.
As for giving advice to anyone, since everyone is different, as you so excellently pointed out, everyone needs to look within themselves and find what will get them through the difficult times, whether it's a relationship, a job, or whatever. If that takes professional counseling, I say go for it, anything which will help.
I certainly do realize that each of us are different in our ways of looking at life, and that our life experiences are different. What I am also saying is eventually one will reach a point at which they say to themselves, "I'm either going to let this get me down, or I'm going to do something about it.
One of my favorite movies is "The Sound of Music". One of my favorite lines from that movie is, (and I may not have this exactly right) "whenever God closes a door, He opens a window".
"whenever God closes a door, He opens a window".
I just hope that I'm not in a tall building when He does.
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