Posted on 02/10/2007 11:08:57 AM PST by WFTR
Do you have a good place to run her? I just returned from a 3.6 mile walk along the road near my home. Unfortunately, the influx of people to this area after the storms means that the whole area is going from a rural/suburban setting where walking along the road is safe to a denser suburban setting where I may not be able to have a safe or pleasant walk.
I've found that walking is good for my mental state if I have a safe, pleasant place to walk and don't have to drive to get there. If I have to get in and out of my car, I lose some of the emotional benefit. I do some other exercise. Those activities have some benefit to my head, but nothing beats walking to relax me and help me think clearly.
The walking is also good for me physically, but I've never found that walking gave me big results.
You could be right. I've only known people who went to Toastmasters, not been there. Say, the engineers I know met at work. Maybe they have a social group, though.
The one singles group in town that I thought was interesting was at one of the museums, where they have a single happy hour once a month. Just a couple hours, not long enough for anyone to get sauced.
I would NEVER look for a women only book club. 'Splanation: I did my independent study work in feminst lit. Not my choice. Gag me.
I don't really have any strategy for that either. I just write my novel as usual.
Are you doing any research for the characters in your novel? Could you incorporate research for your own life into research for you novel's characters? If you have a plot for your novel, could you create a similar plot for your own life as if it were a novel? I know that all of this is easier said than done, but I wondered whether you'd ever looked at strategy for your own life in the way that you'd plan a plot for a book.
If you're happy with this situation, that's great. Beyond the default personality, what about your plans for life? Is there anything in particular that you would advise for people planning to stay single?
I took no offense. I just didn't pick up the right meaning.
I've also learned that certain fears serve no purpose other than to rob someone of the 'today' s/he has.
I agree that this can be a problem. Unfortunately, I'm not always successful fighting those fears. I guess no one always wins against them.
Most people change. Maybe you don't. For all you know, your arthritis could get so bad down the road that you wouldn't want your four seasons anymore.
I could decide by that time that I don't want all four seasons. Mostly, I talk about the retirement property as an example of a change that one might make after deciding that a relationship isn't going to happen. I still think that if a relationship is a possibility, finding the dream home together would be more fun.
It sounds like your goals might best be served by moving where you want and finding someone after you get there.
My field of engineering is pretty specialized and the relatively small job field means that I don't have good geographic flexibility. I'm trying to keep career options open, and I might look at going somewhere better. Unfortunately, I can't plan on being able to find work in any location that I might like.
Thanks again for the good thoughts.
Bill
That's a good thought.
I would NEVER look for a women only book club. 'Splanation: I did my independent study work in feminst lit. Not my choice. Gag me.
LOL
Thanks. I used to do the same thing; tell myself it would be no big deal, plan on being alone for the holiday, etc., but always found - of course on THE holiday & AFTER having turned down invitations and/or failed to make a plan - the loneliness would come on strong and I'd cry and be alone and feel pretty bummed. A few friends pointed out that we are human and holidays ARE special, though, and suggested that if I "fail to plan, I plan to fail" and somehow that stuck with me, so now I make a plan.
But the best of plans don't always work - this Christmas I totally flaked on going to this one party I'd planned to go to, mainly because the hosts (longtime, dear friends) told me "we want to introduce you to ___" and at the last minute I got intimidated and felt like there was no way I could match up to the good descriptions my friends probably gave that guy - total self-esteem downer moment. So I stayed home and called my best friend and admitted I didn't feel like being "interviewed" as a potential date by the mutual friend, and I felt like that whole scenario would be uncomfortable due to that factor. That was an overreaction - it would have been simple to show up and meet the guy and enjoy everyone else at the party I already knew - but at the time, avoiding it seemed like the thing to do. Yet I remain single, and avoiding that party was part of my contribution to my ongoing single status.
Right now I actually have to go pick up the gift I reserved and go to the b-day party of a newlywed friend - she's sickeningly happy and their apartment is full of sickeningly cute framed "couple" pictures, too (LOL!). Hope you have a nice evening.
You're most welcome. You're a smart man. You work in a big plant. Are there no women there? Just wondered.
I've had my share of relationships. The best ones aren't the fireworks and weak knees, IMHO. The best is when every look is a paragraph, every touch is a volume, every awakening is a masterpiece.
Well it is a sci-fi novel whose main characters are soldiers. Naturally, none of the characters are anything at all like me and I have already completed 132 pages on it.
I could do a short story about what you recommended, but I do not know how I could make it exciting lol. In terms of strategy, usually while writing one event (such as a battle), I am planning the next event in my head (the aftermath of the battle or next battle or other thins the characters do).
Having said that, I have been married for seven years to a person who is a perfect fit for me. I found him quite by accident, through work, and I wasn't looking at all. I was lucky, but I would be happy if I were single, as well. There are really great things about both situations, and there are really sucky things about both, too.
I think when you focus too much on what might be or what you don't have, you not only become depressed/angry/bitter about it, you just might push away the person you are looking for.
I have a sibling who always wanted to grow up and get married. And as soon as she was 18, that is exactly what she did. She is now on her fourth marriage, and is still not happy. She always wanted to be married, but marriage never makes her happy. The grass is always greener on the other side of her fence.
Relax. Buy the land. Live your life in a way that makes you happy right now. And I bet, in that process, you will be surprised by who you meet.
do stuff, die , stop doing stuff.
Is there anything in particular that you would advise for people planning to stay single?
Free advice is worth what you paid for it especially unsolicited free advice. Save your pennies go see and do what you want and don't let anyone grind you down.
Even if you don't want to dive into the politically active arena, at least you know the women you will meet will have shaved armpits.
Seriously, with groups like that, you will have an automatic shared interest with which you can strike up a conversation. Having the same conservative outlook on life would seem to me to be a very important aspect of a successful relationship.
I've always felt hugely awkward about dating someone at work. I know that "everyone does it" these days, but I'm still not comfortable crossing that taboo.
The best is when every look is a paragraph, every touch is a volume, every awakening is a masterpiece.
Nicely stated.
Yeah, I can see how your story wouldn't lend itself to plots that you could turn into your own relationship strategies. I fiddled with fiction at one time, and making a normal relationship exciting can be a challenge.
Thanks for the kind words. The "relax and let it happen" strategy has never worked well for me. Come to think of it, I've never had much luck with that strategy in any area of my life. However, I am focused on finding the best path forward under the assumption that I won't find a partner. The situation bothers me, but I wouldn't want to go the route that your sister has. I plan things pretty hard and pull back if the situation isn't right.
I've been involved in several campaigns in the five years that I've been here. I've never met anyone who was appropriate for me, but I have met some nice married people. I did meet one young lady who I need to call. She's less than half my age, so a romantic relationship probably isn't appropriate, but I need to maintain the friendship. Thanks for the reminder.
I'm assuming that means she's twenty something. Go for it. Happiness comes in all shapes and sizes. Don't apply rules to it when you just might be happy.
Even if she is not "the one", if you were to go out with her for a while you might find another avenue while socializing with her.
You DO need to relax a little. I have never read so many rigid boundaries. Loosen up, have fun, call that woman, see what happens. Life is too short to have so many restrictions.
Plan less, live more. : )
Yeah I would need to start a new story for that, and it would be near impossible for me.
Bill
PS. She wasn't home.
If you could learn to write those kinds of stories, there'd be big money. Women like to read, and a guy who can write for them can market his writing. My one advantage is that the first person to encourage me to try fiction was a young woman. She was really just a friend, but I did find her attractive. She had read my political writing but wanted me to try fiction because political writing bored her. As a result, my first tries at fiction were little "chick flick" short stories that I thought she might like. I thought they were horrible, but she kind of liked them. Maybe you can find some young lady just to evaluate your writing. Of course, I can say this easily but I can't find someone like that for myself. If you find one, ask if she has a sister. If I find one, I'll ask the same for you. LOL
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