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Oh no, not again (Chelsea Clinton is now a "hottie" and she's ready for the political mix)
New York Daily News ^ | 01/25/06 | Channeled by Chris Rovzar

Posted on 01/25/2007 11:35:49 AM PST by presidio9

Dear America, It's Chelsea Clinton. Remember me? We got to know each other way back in the summer of 1991, when I was 11. Yep, that's right. I was the one with the ill-fitting velvet dress and the princess sleeves. Yeah, the one with all the bows.

We've been through a lot, you and I, haven't we? So many seminal moments. You saw me go through my headband phase, I saw you go through NAFTA. I did complicated dances in ballet class, you did complicated dances in the Middle East. They let me into Stanford, you didn't let gays into the military.

But quite frankly, even though you did your best to leave me alone, America, those years were pretty hard on me. Oh, please. Don't pretend you couldn't tell.

Have you seen photos of yourself when you were in middle school? You probably had braces, and you probably wore clothes that your impossibly geeky parents picked out for you. The pictures probably caught you just as you were going through an awkward growth spurt and you didn't know how to hold yourself in public. And let's not even talk about your hair.

Now imagine if those pictures were on the front pages of newspapers and magazines all over the country.

Imagine if they stayed there. For eight years.

It was a little rough, America. Sure, my curls were always slightly out of control. Fine, my jumpers were always a little bit too prim. And I've learned in the last six years that maybe you would have liked me better if I'd been more of a drunken floozy.

But I survived, somehow. And we sort of lost touch. I got my life back, and I even dated some hot guys! I made friends with Donatella Versace, and I learned not to wash my hair every day. Quite frankly, I'm kind of a hottie now. And quite frankly, I make a lot more money than you do, America. Things were really going great, lately.

But then those two words came along: "I'm in."

I know a lot of you think of Hillary Clinton as a frosty mom figure. Well she's MY frosty mom. You thought turning down nationalized health care was hard? Try telling her you're not going to law school!

As you well know, there's no arguing with Mom. So I'm trying to get used to the idea, and I figured I should get in touch with you, America. See how you were doing, because we might be stuck together again for a while.

And this time, I think I'm ready. Every time I eat a burger, I'm prepared for you to point out my "baby bump" the next day. If I have dinner with Andy Samberg, you'll say we're sleeping together (do you have his number, by the way?). If I wear a ring, you'll say I'm engaged. If I go on vacation with a guy, you'll say I'm engaged. And if I wear too many pantsuits, you'll say I'm engaged - to a woman.

I lived through it before, and I'll live through it again, America. Because there's only one thing better than having two Clinton Presidents of the United States:

Having three.

TTYL!!

Chelsea


TOPICS: Chit/Chat
KEYWORDS: bushtwins; celseaclintonpig; firsttwins
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To: Moose4; the_devils_advocate_666; Risha

Eh. She's average-looking, no better, no worse.

Please. She looks EXACTLY like her mother, and her mother is an unattractive woman. The press tends to favor her with the best possible shots, and she wears a lot of make-up, but at the end of the day, she really IS still plain-old U-G-L-Y. This wouldn't be an issue if the left didn't periodically try to sell the idea that she nothing but a ravishing beauty. She is not. And she is fair game because she is an adult, and she has placed herself in the limelight on many occasions.

21 posted on 01/25/2007 11:53:02 AM PST by presidio9 (There is something wonderful about a country that produces a brave and humble man like Wesley Autrey)
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To: Froufrou
the crew from "Queer Eye 4A Straight Guy" would tackle her, maybe

I guess she's masculine-looking enough...

22 posted on 01/25/2007 11:53:55 AM PST by presidio9 (There is something wonderful about a country that produces a brave and humble man like Wesley Autrey)
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To: the_devils_advocate_666

She's not an unattractive young woman.

She also can't help who her parents are.


23 posted on 01/25/2007 11:58:07 AM PST by trillabodilla (Jesus Saves)
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To: presidio9

She looks about 50yrs old in this pic! Yech!


24 posted on 01/25/2007 11:58:30 AM PST by micho
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To: Letaka

Don't read this darlin, it's not good for your heart! Oops, too late


25 posted on 01/25/2007 12:01:04 PM PST by Sherri-D (An optimist is the human personification of spring.)
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To: trillabodilla

We'd all be attractive if we had surgery to change our looks.


26 posted on 01/25/2007 12:03:00 PM PST by Sherri-D (An optimist is the human personification of spring.)
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To: trillabodilla
She's not an unattractive young woman.

Yes. She is.

27 posted on 01/25/2007 12:03:06 PM PST by presidio9 (There is something wonderful about a country that produces a brave and humble man like Wesley Autrey)
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To: presidio9

She just needs some help with makeup and hair. Her neck and throat are way lighter than her face and her eye makeup is too dark. If she doesn't want to let her hair down, she may as well cut it shorter.


28 posted on 01/25/2007 12:12:47 PM PST by Froufrou
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To: presidio9


Who has the picture of clinton in the tight shirt and her boyfriend exchanging the dirty looks?
29 posted on 01/25/2007 12:15:59 PM PST by Vision ("Delight yourself in the Lord; and he will give you your heart's desires." Psalm 37:4)
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To: presidio9
Give her a few years and she can get a job as a model......

For the picture in the card game "Old Maids".

30 posted on 01/25/2007 12:16:56 PM PST by TruthWillWin
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To: Vision
Was that the guy that offered Bill 100 goats for his daughter?

Chelsea might now be an African concubine if the guy had offered her parents 100 VOTES instead of 100 goats.
31 posted on 01/25/2007 12:19:59 PM PST by silverleaf (Fasten your seat belts- it's going to be a BUMPY ride.)
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To: Vision
Was that the guy that offered Bill 100 goats for his daughter?

Chelsea might now be an African concubine if the guy had offered her parents 100 VOTES instead of 100 goats.
32 posted on 01/25/2007 12:20:08 PM PST by silverleaf (Fasten your seat belts- it's going to be a BUMPY ride.)
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To: presidio9
And I've learned in the last six years that maybe you would have liked me better if I'd been more of a drunken floozy.

Chelsea, you must have really been wasted when you went through your Tara Reid phase (although considering the chronology, it's more accurate to say Tara, Brittany, Lindsay et.al. are going through a Chelsea phase). You may have forgotten, but we've got the pictures.

33 posted on 01/25/2007 12:25:24 PM PST by Oztrich Boy (Sheik Hilali: Cultural learnings of Australia for make benefit of most glorious nation of Islam)
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To: presidio9
This wouldn't be an issue if the left didn't periodically try to sell the idea that she nothing but a ravishing beauty.

Well, compared to 'others' on the left....


34 posted on 01/25/2007 12:25:48 PM PST by uglybiker (AU-TO-MO-BEEEEEEEL?!!)
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To: Moose4
but compared to this? No comparison....


35 posted on 01/25/2007 12:31:11 PM PST by Eagle of Liberty (Islamists are like children. You cannot reason. They only understand rewards and punishments.)
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To: Oztrich Boy
You may have forgotten, but we've got the pictures.

Free Image Hosting at www.ImageShack.us

[of course, there are plenty of silver spoon drunk chicks to go around:]

Free Image Hosting at www.ImageShack.us

36 posted on 01/25/2007 12:31:33 PM PST by Wormwood (Your Friendly Neighborhood Moderate)
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To: Kerretarded

now she's hot...


37 posted on 01/25/2007 12:35:47 PM PST by tai-pan (Jack Bauer for President)
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To: Froufrou
Well now that the Queer Eye guys are done with Saddam, why not !

Cheers,

knewshound
38 posted on 01/25/2007 12:35:53 PM PST by knews_hound (Sarcastically blogging since 2004.)
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To: presidio9
"So many seminal moments."

I think those belonged to her father.

39 posted on 01/25/2007 12:38:47 PM PST by andy58-in-nh
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To: presidio9
the spawn of Clinton...
( If you say that right, it rhymes)
40 posted on 01/25/2007 12:47:19 PM PST by verum ago (The Iranian Space Agency: set phasers to jihad!)
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