Oh no, not again (Chelsea Clinton is now a "hottie" and she's ready for the political mix)

New York Daily News ^ | 01/25/06 | Channeled by Chris Rovzar

[presidio9]

Dear America, It's Chelsea Clinton. Remember me? We got to know each other way back in the summer of 1991, when I was 11. Yep, that's right. I was the one with the ill-fitting velvet dress and the princess sleeves. Yeah, the one with all the bows.

We've been through a lot, you and I, haven't we? So many seminal moments. You saw me go through my headband phase, I saw you go through NAFTA. I did complicated dances in ballet class, you did complicated dances in the Middle East. They let me into Stanford, you didn't let gays into the military.

But quite frankly, even though you did your best to leave me alone, America, those years were pretty hard on me. Oh, please. Don't pretend you couldn't tell.

Have you seen photos of yourself when you were in middle school? You probably had braces, and you probably wore clothes that your impossibly geeky parents picked out for you. The pictures probably caught you just as you were going through an awkward growth spurt and you didn't know how to hold yourself in public. And let's not even talk about your hair.

Now imagine if those pictures were on the front pages of newspapers and magazines all over the country.

Imagine if they stayed there. For eight years.

It was a little rough, America. Sure, my curls were always slightly out of control. Fine, my jumpers were always a little bit too prim. And I've learned in the last six years that maybe you would have liked me better if I'd been more of a drunken floozy.

But I survived, somehow. And we sort of lost touch. I got my life back, and I even dated some hot guys! I made friends with Donatella Versace, and I learned not to wash my hair every day. Quite frankly, I'm kind of a hottie now. And quite frankly, I make a lot more money than you do, America. Things were really going great, lately.

But then those two words came along: "I'm in."

I know a lot of you think of Hillary Clinton as a frosty mom figure. Well she's MY frosty mom. You thought turning down nationalized health care was hard? Try telling her you're not going to law school!

As you well know, there's no arguing with Mom. So I'm trying to get used to the idea, and I figured I should get in touch with you, America. See how you were doing, because we might be stuck together again for a while.

And this time, I think I'm ready. Every time I eat a burger, I'm prepared for you to point out my "baby bump" the next day. If I have dinner with Andy Samberg, you'll say we're sleeping together (do you have his number, by the way?). If I wear a ring, you'll say I'm engaged. If I go on vacation with a guy, you'll say I'm engaged. And if I wear too many pantsuits, you'll say I'm engaged - to a woman.

I lived through it before, and I'll live through it again, America. Because there's only one thing better than having two Clinton Presidents of the United States:

Having three.

TTYL!!

Chelsea

[presidio9]

Eh. She's average-looking, no better, no worse.

Please. She looks EXACTLY like her mother, and her mother is an unattractive woman. The press tends to favor her with the best possible shots, and she wears a lot of make-up, but at the end of the day, she really IS still plain-old U-G-L-Y. This wouldn't be an issue if the left didn't periodically try to sell the idea that she nothing but a ravishing beauty. She is not. And she is fair game because she is an adult, and she has placed herself in the limelight on many occasions.

[presidio9]

the crew from "Queer Eye 4A Straight Guy" would tackle her, maybe

I guess she's masculine-looking enough...

[trillabodilla]

She's not an unattractive young woman.

She also can't help who her parents are.

[micho]

She looks about 50yrs old in this pic! Yech!

[Sherri-D]

Don't read this darlin, it's not good for your heart! Oops, too late

[Sherri-D]

We'd all be attractive if we had surgery to change our looks.

[presidio9]

She's not an unattractive young woman.

Yes. She is.

[Froufrou]

She just needs some help with makeup and hair. Her neck and throat are way lighter than her face and her eye makeup is too dark. If she doesn't want to let her hair down, she may as well cut it shorter.

[Vision]

Who has the picture of clinton in the tight shirt and her boyfriend exchanging the dirty looks?

[TruthWillWin]

Give her a few years and she can get a job as a model......

For the picture in the card game "Old Maids".

[silverleaf]

Was that the guy that offered Bill 100 goats for his daughter?

Chelsea might now be an African concubine if the guy had offered her parents 100 VOTES instead of 100 goats.

[silverleaf]

Was that the guy that offered Bill 100 goats for his daughter?

Chelsea might now be an African concubine if the guy had offered her parents 100 VOTES instead of 100 goats.

[Oztrich Boy]

And I've learned in the last six years that maybe you would have liked me better if I'd been more of a drunken floozy.

Chelsea, you must have really been wasted when you went through your Tara Reid phase (although considering the chronology, it's more accurate to say Tara, Brittany, Lindsay et.al. are going through a Chelsea phase). You may have forgotten, but we've got the pictures.

[uglybiker]

This wouldn't be an issue if the left didn't periodically try to sell the idea that she nothing but a ravishing beauty.

Well, compared to 'others' on the left....

[Eagle of Liberty]

but compared to this? No comparison....

[Wormwood]

You may have forgotten, but we've got the pictures.

[of course, there are plenty of silver spoon drunk chicks to go around:]

[tai-pan]

now she's hot...

[knews_hound]

Well now that the Queer Eye guys are done with Saddam, why not !

Cheers,

knewshound

[andy58-in-nh]

"So many seminal moments."

I think those belonged to her father.

[verum ago]

the spawn of Clinton...
( If you say that right, it rhymes)