Dimensional Door - Freeople Thread 30

December 31, 2006 | Me

[Lady Jag]

Deepest apologies for upsetting you!

[Soaring Feather]

[Lady Jag]

Subject: Mammogram


"The First Time's Always the Worst"

The first mammogram is the worst. Especially when the machine catches on fire.

That's what happened to me. The technician, Gail, positioned me exactly as she wanted me (think a really complicated game of Twister - right hand on the blue, left shoulder on the yellow, right breast as far away as humanly possible from the rest of your body). Then she clamped the machine down so tight, I think my breast actually turned inside out. I'm pretty sure Victoria's Secret doesn't have a bra for that.

Suddenly, there was a loud popping noise. I looked down at my right breast to make sure it hadn't exploded. Nope, it was still flat as a pancake and still attached to my body.

Oh no!" Gail said loudly. These are perhaps, the words you least want to hear from any health professional. Suddenly, she came flying past me, her lab coat whipping behind her, on her way out the door. She yelled over her shoulder, "The achine's on fire, I'm going to get help!"

OK, I was wrong, 'The machine's on fire,' are the worst words you can hear from a health professional. Especially if you're all alone and semi-permanently attached to A MACHINE and don't know if it's THE MACHINE in question.

I struggled for a few seconds trying to get free, but even Houdini couldn't have escaped. I decided to go to plan B: yelling at the top of my lung (the one that was still working). I hadn't seen anything on fire, so my panic hadn't quite reached epic proportions. But then I started to smell smoke coming from behind thepartition. "This is ridiculous," I thought. I can't die like this. What would they put in my obituary? Cause of death: breast entrapment?

I may have inhaled some fumes because I started to hallucinate. An imaginary fireman rushed in with a firehose and a hatchet. "Howdy, ma'am," he said.  "What's happened here?" he asked, averting his eyes.

"My breasts were too hot for the machine," I quipped, as my imaginary fireman ran out of the room again. "This is gonna take the Jaws of Life!"

In reality, Gail returned wiht a fire extinguisher and put out the fire. She gave me a big smile and released me from the machine. "Sorry! That's the first time that's ever happened. Why don't you take a few minutesto relax before we finish up?"

I think that's what she said. I was running across the parking lot in my backless paper gown at the time. After I'd relaxed for a few years, I figured I might go back. But I'll be bringing my own fire extinguisher.

[Pippin]

Thanx

This'll complete my disguise. LOL!

[Pippin]

Nightmare city!

[null and void]

Depends...

[Lakeshark]

Lines:

I think she's a bit spacey......
Marty, I think we're in danger of forever obliterating the space/time continuum
Lost in space
Lust in space
Hey, have you seen my diapers?
Exploring the boundaries of space
*Cueing theme from 2001, A Space Oddysey*
Honey, can you give me some space here?
Space, the final frontier
Grannie9, wearing her thong in the "Miss Space" bathing suit contest
Doorlock takes her mascot with her in her space capsule.
SL takes her spatial understanding and actually finds herself in Siberia
Cardhu opens his new gym on the space shuttle, and finds his soulmate

*swimming fast and hiding behind reef*

[Lady Jag]

[Cardhu]

Adjustable? Don't the springs suffice???

I was meaning to mention that - what pathetic springs Nully - you must have searched high and low for such crud. Do you want my wimmin bottoming out in cadence to the Post Horn gallop. Bruised bottoms do not happy campers make.

We have to change those... pronto.

I do believe Nully you are trying make all the money for your retirement fund on this job alone.

[Lakeshark]

ROTFLOL!!!

*Gasping for breathe*

[Cardhu]

I remember on my last week in the Navy, I was told I was to go to Gibraltar – “You can´t do that to me.. I will be a civilian in less than a week.” “Not worry you’ll be back in time” quoth they, “In a pigs eye“ quoth I - implicit trust in any government enterprise is not one of my failings..

However, I flew out there with a gaggle of WRENS (Women´s Royal Naval Service) to take part in a five day NATO communication exercise. These sweethearts, had just completed their communication training and had never left home before, so it was a great adventure, even more so being English, they would actually see the SUN.

Their first night watch, they jauntily bounced along the tunnels deep inside the rock – singing Hi Ho.. Ho Ho it is off to work we go… seven snow whites, digging for diamonds in the bowels of the mountain.

Next day, our intrepid communicators would spend the whole day at the beach ---soaking in the sun cooking their snow white bodies a lobster red.. Each day the evening journey to work was more subdued now they were more like vicious ferrets in the darken tunnels.

And in the light of the offices one would think they were rats peering through a haystack with their hair totally unmanageable.

Wimmin, bless their hearts do no wear well sunbathing all day, and grubbing around in tunnels all night. So I have seen transformations like that – but in her case it looks like meths.

[Cardhu]

A gym on a space vehicle --- sounds interesting - 10,000 push-ups without breaking a sweat. Almost beats my finger exercises.

[Soaring Feather]

That so! Hmmm home made tummy tuck.

[Cardhu]

Here's a little something to add to your Feng Shui.

Perfect my Lady Jag just what my dungeon gym needs to promote harmony betwix Nully´s hard edged curves and the air filled softness of that little fellow.

I had though the wimmin would have brought Fengs Shui to my cozy set-up, but I now realize that you are right, as always.

Can you just point that thing in another direction?

[Cardhu]

After reading your treatise on Mammography - I believe you have what it takes to be my dungeon mistress.

Just let me know what items or appliances you need. Oh! and consult with Lady Jag as to placement she is interested in such things.

You may, of course, practice on Nully, gratis.

[derllak]

I can't for the life of me follow this thread. You guys shouldn't post until you've had your morning coffee.
Einstien himself couldn't make sense of this mess! :P

[Lady Jag]

Uh-uh! If I point that fung shui in another direction, it becomes a Democrat.

[derllak]

Lol Libby! Thanks for the mammy-gram tips! Wait, that just doesn't sound right.........

[derllak]

Doorlock?? Lameshark, you are fin! :P

[sweetliberty]

If it made TOO much sense, it would stop being fun.