Posted on 12/21/2006 8:35:52 AM PST by Red Badger
Tongue in Cheek List Will Make Your Day
May be Contrary to What is Recommended – But it’s Christmas!
Holiday Season, Everywhere, 2006 –
1. Avoid carrot sticks. Anyone who puts carrots on a holiday buffet table knows nothing of the Christmas spirit. If you see carrots, leave immediately. Go next door; they're serving rum balls over there.
holidays.jpg 2. Drink as much eggnog as you can – quickly; like fine single-malt scotch, it's rare. In fact, it's even rarer than single-malt scotch. You can't find it any other time of year. So drink up! Who cares that it has 10,000 calories in every sip? It's not as if you're going to turn into an eggnog-aholic or something. It's a treat. Enjoy it. Have one for us. Have two. It's later than you think. It's Christmas!
3. If something comes with gravy, use it. That's the whole point of gravy -- it does not stand alone. Pour it on. Make a volcano out of your mashed potatoes. Fill it with gravy. Eat the volcano. Repeat.
4. As for mashed potatoes, always ask if they're made with skim or whole milk. If it's skim, pass. It's like buying a sports car with an automatic transmission.
5. Do not have a snack before going to a party in an effort to control your eating. At a Christmas party you eat other people’s food for free. Lots of it. Hello?
6. Under no circumstances should you exercise between now and New Year's. You can do that in January when you have nothing else to do. This is the time for long naps, which you'll need after circling the buffet table, carrying a 10-pound plate of food and that vat of eggnog (see above.)
7. If you see something really good, like frosted Christmas cookies in the shape and size of Santa, stand near them and don't budge. Snarf down as many as you can before becoming the center of attention. They're like a beautiful pair of shoes. If you leave them behind, you're never going to see them again.
8. The same goes for pies. Apple. Pumpkin. Mincemeat. Have a slice of each. If you don't like mincemeat, have two apples and one pumpkin. Always have three. When else do you have a shot at more than one dessert? Labor Day?
9. Did someone mention fruitcake? Granted, it's loaded with the mandatory celebratory calories, but avoid it at all cost. I mean, have SOME standards!
10. One final tip: If you don't feel terrible when you leave the party or get up from the table, you haven't been paying attention. Reread tips; start over, but hurry, January is just around the corner.
Remember this motto; live by it during the holiday season:
"Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, chocolate in one hand, martini in the other, totally worn out and screaming, "What a ride!"
Or as I've always said, it is better to regret something you didn't do rather than something you didn't.
Should read, "better to regret something you did do rather than something you didn't"... past my bedtime...
80 proof vodka has only 80 calories an ounce and 0 carbs. I limit as much as I can but it's tough on game nights. I'm a Spurs fan, ya know.
ROFLMAO... Thanks, you just gave me a new tagline...
80-100 proof hard liquor (whiskey, vodka, rum, etc) has 100 to 125 calories per 1.5 oz (shot). So, if you drink screwdrivers or margaritas all night during the game, you could easily consume 500 to 1000 calories when you add the orange and lime juices..........
Me know. Although I thought I had the cal count right. <:O(
I use sprarkling water or diet tonic for mixers. Rarely if ever juice and then only straight cranberry with no sugar added. Or I just drink Miller Lite.
excellent! this is a good way to get your daily garlic intake... garlic works as an antioxidant... the health benefits of garlic are huge! i will have to add garlic to mine so my mashed potatoes can be healthy!
I once remarked while looking thru my cupboards for something to snack on, "How come everything here is "fat free" but me?".............
I often eat a garlic clove like a vitamin pill. Whole. Just drink it down with some water...........
Well, you do know that men just have less body fat than women. Lucky for me my slender hubster likes me 'fluffy.'
Maybe we have less body fat because of the genetics. Women needed to store more fat for the rough times when game and food was scarce, so as to assure the survival of the human race...............
That must be why in certain cultures the man with the biggest wife is viewed to be most successful. Blecht!
I actually had an anorexic friend marry into an old world family....
LOL!
All she heard one holiday was his relatives yelling at him "What kind of husband are you! You can't feed your wife!?!"
Thank you for starting this thread!!!!
I love Freeper's senses of humor.
I should be so lucky. I had anorexia but not enough to be too thin...then again, can we be too rich or too thin?
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