Zabka!!
Posted on 11/13/2006 6:36:47 AM PST by yankeedame
40 Things That Only Happen In Movies
1. It is always possible to find a parking spot directly outside or opposite the building you are visiting.
2. When paying for a taxi, don't look at your wallet as you take out a note. Just grab one out at random and hand it over. It will always be the exact fare.
3. Television news bulletins usually contain a story that affects you personally at the precise moment it's aired.
4. Creepy music (or satanic chanting) coming from a graveyard should always be closely investigated.
5. Any lock can be picked with a credit card or paperclip in seconds. UNLESS it's the door to a burning building with a child inside.
6. If you decide to start dancing in the street, everyone you bump into will know all the steps.
7. All bombs are fitted with electronic timing devices with large red digital displays so you know exactly when they are going to explode.
8. Should you wish to pass yourself off as a German officer, it will not be necessary to learn to speak German. Simply speaking English with a German accent will do. Similarly, when they are alone, all German soldiers prefer to speak English to each other.
9. Once applied, lipstick will never rub off. Even while scuba diving.
10. The Eiffel Tower can be seen from any window of any building in Paris.
11. Any police officer about to retire from the force will more often than not die on their last day (especially if their family have planned a party). (Caveat: Detectives can only solve a case after they have been suspended from duty).
12. Getaway cars never start first go. But all cop cars do. (They will also slide to a dramatic stop in the midst of a crime scene).
13. If staying in a haunted house, women should investigate any strange noises wearing their most revealing underwear.
14. On a police stake-out, the action will only ever take place when food is being consumed and scalding hot coffees are perched precariously on the dashboard . . .
15. All grocery shopping involves the purchase of French loaves which will be placed in open brown paper bags (Caveat: when said bags break, only fruit will spill out).
16. Cars never need fuel (unless they're involved in a pursuit).
17. If you are heavily outnumbered in a fight involving martial arts, your opponents will wait patiently to attack you one by one by dancing around you in a threatening manner until you have defeated their predecessor.
18. If a microphone is turned on it will immediately feedback.
19. Guns are like disposable razors. If you run out of bullets, just throw the gun away. you will always find another one.
20. All single women have a cat.
21. Cars will explode instantly when struck by a single bullet.
22. No matter how savagely a spaceship is attacked, its internal gravity system is never damaged.
23. If being chased through a city you can usually take cover in a passing St Patrick's Day parade - at any time of the year.
24. The ventilation system of any building is the perfect hiding place. Nobody will ever think of looking for you in there and you can travel to any other part of the building undetected.
25. You will survive any battle in any war UNLESS you show someone a picture of your sweetheart back home.
26. Prostitutes always look like Julia Roberts or Jamie Lee Curtis. They have expensive clothes and nice apartments but no pimps. They are friendly with the shopkeepers in their neighbourhood who don't mind at all what the girl does for a living.
27. A single match is usually sufficient to light up a room the size of a football stadium.
28. It is not necessary to say "Hello" or "Goodbye" when beginning a telephone conversation. A disconnected call can always be restored by frantically beating the cradle and saying "Hello? Hello?" repeatedly.
29. One man shooting at 20 men has a better chance of killing them all than 20 men firing at once (it's called Stallone's Law).
30. When you turn out the light to go to bed, everything in you room will still be visible, just slightly bluish.
31. Plain or even ugly girls can become movie star pretty simply by removing their glasses and rearranging their hair.
32. Rather than wasting bullets, megalomaniacs prefer to kill their enemies with complicated devices incorporating fuses, pulleys, deadly gases, lasers and man-eating sharks.
33. All beds have special L-shaped sheets that reach to armpit level on a woman but only up to the waist of the man lying beside her.
34. Anyone can land a 747 as long as there is someone in the control tower to talk you down.
35. During all police investigations it will be necessary to visit a strip club at least once.
36. You can always find a chainsaw when you need one.
37. Most musical instruments (especially wind instruments and accordions) can be played without moving your fingers.
38. In Middle America, all gas station attendants have red handkerchiefs hanging out of their back pockets.
39. All teen house parties have one of every stereotypical subculture present (even people who aren't liked and would never get invited to parties).
40. Trucks use their horns at random (no hang on, that happens in real life too!).
-Any unassuming cat spotted in the first half of the film will become a shrieking, red-herring surprise to the protagonist in the second half of the film.
-Any Whodunit usually has very little mystery involved: Hollywood is cheap and speaking parts cost money due to SAG/Equity rules.
Their six shooters never run out of bullets and their cartridge belts are always full.
Leo is 5'11'' so he is average heighth, and also a much better actor than Tom Cruise.
Leo is 5'11'' so he is average heighth, and also a much better actor than Tom Cruise.
Women wake up in the morning with all of their makeup, including lipstick, looking perfect.
Even when kidnapped and tied up for a long time, people never need to go to the bathroom.
People's houses or apartments are always much nicer than what their salaries would actually be able to buy them. Even a struggling actress or waitress has a really fabulous apartment.
Women take off their clothes twice as often as men do.
The more wacky and zany a woman is, and the more trouble she causes to a guy, the more irresistible he finds her.
The guy with blond hair and blue eyes is almost always a mean, nasty person. (Women, however, are allowed to be blonde and blue-eyed and still good guys.)
That ain't saying much.
I only tried that once and practically had to shave my head to get the knots out.
LOL! Amen!! I mean, when they're searching for Dracula's crypt, or checking out a spooky house, or something why don't they go at 8 in the morning or 2 in the afternoon? And for that matter, why do ghosts only come out at night? I mean, Dracula I can understand. But ghosts? What are we taking about here -- union rules or something?
And always near beat-up trash cans in dark, wet alleys.
Women, menaced by the bad guy/monster, whatever, chose to run for their lives still wearing their 3" spike heels. I don't even run for the doorbell or the phone in 3" spike heels. Somehow I think that were my life in danger, the heels might be the first thing I shed.
Well, if you're in danger, and if somehow you haven't a gun or knives available, use the heels and aim for his eyes or groin.
The SCREAM franchise played this perfectly.
Any time there is an indestructible serial killer in the vicinity (see "Voorhees, Jason"), and a noise is heard outside at night, any female must strip down to her underwear before going outside (alone) to "take a look."
Err...if it were a ghost union, wouldn't it be Boo-nion rules? :-)
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I did think of another one. People who run TO the window/door when shots are fired right outside.
Talk about making yourself a target.
Zabka!!
I do.It is called a trumpet.I do not know how to play it,but the family sure appreciates it.As the conversation is on movies,a little fake out for our servicemen and women for a good cause is more than justified.I do move my fingers,and would play it if it weren't for my busted lips.Kissed an APC once,lost a few front teeth,but the scars do not heal.
California cars have a ramp in the back and it rolls your car over.
Who orders out for coffee and sandwiches anymore? It was a staple of detective dramas for years...
Every city street all over the world has, along the sidewalk, the following:
A watermelon vendor cart
Stacks of empty cardboard boxes
Plastic barrels
All of which will be struck during a car chase.
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