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You know you've been a nurse too long when:

Discussing dismemberment over a meal seems perfectly normal.

Your idea of a good time is a code at change of shift.

You believe in aerosol spraying of Prozac.

You believe that "shallow gene pool" should be a diagnosis.

You believe that chocolate is a food group.

You believe that the government should require a permit to reproduce.

You believe that unspeakable evil will befall you if someone should say "Boy, it sure is quiet around here!"

You admire a stranger's veins.

You have referred to someone's death as a transfer to the "Eternal Care Unit."

You don't think a consult with Dr. Kavorkian is inappropriate.

You have had to leave a patient's room before breaking into uncontrollable laughter.

When ordering labs, you have wanted to order a "feces on the brain" profile.

You are astounded when somebody in the lab speaks English.

You encourage an obnoxious patient to sign out AMA.

You can calculate the "tooth to tattoo ratio" without a calculator.

You have ever bet on someone's blood alcohol level.

You have used your status to get out of a speeding ticket.

You've called in sick on a full moon.

You've got voodoo dolls labeled with doctor's names..and lots of needles stuck therein.

You believe that every waiting room should come with a valium salt lick

You have restrained someone, and it was not a sexual experience.

You barely consider the raise your employer offers you, before moving on to another job.

You aren't sure who your boss is.

You know how to say bedpan in five languages.

You keep oxygen equipment in your locker, just in case there's a code on the same day as cost containment is implemented by your employer.

You recognize that unionization is professional.

Did you hear about the nurse who died and went straight to hell?? It took her two weeks to realize she wasn't at work!

You may be a nurse if..... You believe that every patient needs TLC... Temazepam, Lorazepam and Chlorpromazine.

You would like to meet the inventor of the call light system some night in a dark alley.

You believe not all patients are annoying, some are unconscious.

Your sense of humor gets more warped each year.

Your kids get their presents in TED stockings and hospital pillowcases. And their presents are wrapped with Micropore tape.

You know the phone number of every late night food delivery place by heart.

Almost everything can seem funny ... eventually.

When asked by the doctor what color that patient's diarrhoea was, you show them your shoes.

You can identify different causes of diarrhoea by the smell of it.

Every time you walk you make a jingling noise because of all the keys, scissors and clamps in your pocket.

You can tell the pharmacist more about the medication they are dispensing than they know.

You use bladder lavage bags to drip water onto your plants when you're on holiday.

You refuse to watch ER because its too much like the real thing and it triggers flashbacks or... Your family refuse to let you watch ER because you spend the whole time correcting everyone and pointing out upside down X-rays.

You avoid answering the phone on your day off in case anyone from the hospital is trying to call and beg you to work.

You've been telling stories in a restaurant and made someone at another table throws up.

You notice that you are using even more 4 letter words than you did before you started nursing.

You've seriously considered catheterising your children before a long car journey.

Every time someone asks you for a pen you can find at least 4 of them on you. Most of them have the names of laxatives on them.

You don't get excited about blood; unless it's your own.

You live by the motto "to be right is only half the battle, to convince the doctor is more difficult"

You've basted your Christmas turkey with a 50ml syringe.

You've told a confused patient that your name was that of your co-worker and to shout if they need help.

Your bladder can expand to the size of a Winnebago's water tank.

When checking the level of a patient's orientation you aren't sure of the day yourself. Or if nightshift, the month.

You find yourself checking out other customers' veins in supermarket queues.

You can sleep soundly at the hospital cafeteria table on your dinner break and are not embarrassed when you wake up

You avoid unhealthy looking people in the shopping centre for fear that they will drop dead near you and you'll have to do CPR on your day off.

Your finger has gone into places you never thought possible.

You've seen more penises than any prostitute.

You've sworn to have "Do Not Resuscitate" tattooed on your chest. Soon.