Posted on 10/27/2006 11:31:40 AM PDT by gobucks
Recently, my wife gave birth to our daughter. We used the Bradley Method: natural childbirth, no meds, no epidural, no pitocin. In a way, childbirth is like flying....
On a recent thread, I gave a brief birth story, designed to encourage other parents considering Bradley. But here, my aim is simple: a few words to convict the hearts of cowardly men who are unwilling to help their wives, and instead, weakly lean on medications to get them through the 'trauma' of childbirth. Yes, guys, exclusively, are the source of the epidural problem.
One could argue on and on that a woman is the one who has to bear the pain, the agony, of the contractions. That for men to even discuss this subject is silly at best, arrogantly patriarchal and insensitive in the worse direction.
But hear me: for a man to back down from the reality of the childbirth he initated is folly. Epidurals, pain meds, drugs, laughing gas ... whatever. Most of these 'interventions' are designed to perfectly numb the transformative experience childbirth is supposed to be. On the surface, of course, the doctors and hospitals want to minimize the 'pain' of childbirth - which they think will maximize the 'joy'.
But the truth is plainer. While the pain is muted, yes, the joy is muted far more. True, the child to mother bonding experience doesn't depend too much upon how many meds are involved.
But, Natural childbirth is about bonding, not just child to mother, but father to child and, more importantly, husband to wife (as the norm). Eagerly sought out epidural-childbirth, however, is a message from the Father to his family: "I don't have what it takes for the childbirth, and chances are good that pattern will remain henceforth regarding fatherhood and husbandry".
Natural childbirth is hard to pull off without the Dad being there, being supportive, being strong. And the fact is clear that if the Dad starts out in a mode of being supportive to the extent required by the Bradley method, then by implication, the coming years will show a Dad whose manhood supports a degree of Fathering that is beyond effective written description, to say nothing of the husbandry!
Of course, some Mothers reading this would argue that cutting out Dad is the idea all along, and a darn good idea. But these words are not for them...
These words are for those few guys out there who suspect deep in their hearts that there has got to be something more to living besides serial guy-driven exploits....
There is more to life than making 'mom' happy, indeed. Guys, another way to say this is: God didn't create you to be a life-support-system for a sperm donation machine, that coincidentally also brings home a paycheck. Husbandry is a noble calling, and stuffing your ears to avoid the calls is what boys, by default, do.
Stand up, and be MEN, you boys encased in the bodies of MEN. Stand up, unstuff your ears, and be the man your children can look up to.
One could argue that Epidural Nation, which is known as the USA, and the door mat that was once known as the WTC towers, have no connection to each other. But the men who flew those planes had no fear of us - and why not?
The kind of Men who fear the pain of helping their wives through the pain of childbirth are the kind of American Guys the hijackers evaluated as they planned their way to 9-11. The American Guys who, as a rule, were not, and still are not, man enough to inflict the kind of pain that SHOULD HAVE deterred the WTC attacks from the start. The kind of guys, for example, who empathize deeply with the 'struggles' guys like Bill Clinton endure.
For me, this has been the nagging question all along: what did those supposedly crazy men in the planes perceive was missing in the average heart of the "American Man"?
What did they witness that was missing such that these Arabic men had no fear of us, no fear for their homelands, no fear for their families, and felt free, felt bold enough, to attack us, the strongest nation the world has ever seen?
In short, just WHERE is the starting point for an 'American Man'? Why, the the birthing rooms of our nation of course - and who, I ask, is missing from these rooms?
American MEN are missing.
Good, loving, supportive guys are now present in the millions .... but they are chicken-hearted, and lazy, eager to get back to their dens, Lazy Boys, and remote controls. It is, indeed, football season, and Tressel's men are doing a great job.
But the football watchers? Those guys are setting a bad example, and they are making us more vulnerable, not less, to the attacks we have seen up to now.
The Epidurals are not the problem - the guys who lean on them are the problem. Men are the solution.
Stand up Men - and enter the birthing room as a man. Our Future Men depend on it.
You sound just like one of my aunts or sisters!
Ya know, since time immemorial the midwives and doctors have been hustling us out of the room...
...or nieces, or sister-in-laws!
You mean they dont like you either? or did you mean that to be nice? :o)
MM
Handsome dog you have there, what breed?
Men who insist that their spouses or partners undergo "natural childbirth" should have a 5 lb canned ham pulled out through their nose and see how they like it.
Yep, you're just like 'em!
She's a Newfoundland. Im not sure if she would like to be called handsome, but I will pass on your compliment. :o)
She's actually a great dog.
MM
Sorry - no amount of husbandly support can substitute for a good epidural. Epidurals have no effect of "dulling the joy" whatsoever.
One of the things I hate about natural childbirth devotees is they make a religion out of it.
BTW, would you care for a knee replacement sans anesthetic with your wife holding your hand and offering her heartfelt support to endure and enjoy the pain? Didn't think so....
Same difference.
Your son sounds like mine. I had to send dad home to get the 3 month size baby clothes to take him home. Still, at 20, the tallest of all of us, not an ounce of fat on him, though. All muscle and height. Sometimes I marvel that little short me gave birth to someone so, well, so big.Came in handy when I had to get stuff off of high shelves.
LOL In that case, you have my condolences.
MM
A lady in the neighborhood walks her dog every night, and it looks a lot like a Newfie. Only her dog's coat is predominately brown, with traces of black. Very well behaved dog.
Pain during childbirth was a consequence of Eve's sin, not the original design. Should we not treat pain arising from other conditions either because we were "designed to have pain?"
Unintentionally funny post ping!
Wow! Someone else who actually has had natural childbirth. My last two were homebirths, because I liked the freedom. Plus, I hated going to the hospital with contractions a minute apart only to leave a few hours later because I had not progressed.
It sounds gross, but the only comparison I can make as far as pain. I have bathroom issues that were more painful than childbirth.
That, standing up, is kinda what gets the female unit pregnant to begin with, ain't it?
I will do that. Thank you. :o)
My dog, Bella, is pretty well behaved...her biggest problem is that she drools. Oh, and she's not a very good watchdog. She's protective but wouldnt hurt a flea. LOL
I would recommend a newfie to anyone that has children too.
What a girl!
Stand up! Be a man!
Grit your teeth and pop those little tax deductions out with a smile on your face, clean up your own mess and then clear the top field.
not one word about encouraging women to suffer was in my argument. It is the avoidance of suffering by guys, the unrelenting pursuit of 'relief' by guys, that I am pointing out is the essential overlooked, and never-remarked upon, problem....
in short, it is easy for the guy to say to his wife 'of course natural childbirth is too much to bear' - 'by all means, skip any thoughts of unmedicated birth ... seeing you suffer any pain at all is unfair, unjust, and unAmerican.'
My point is that the epidural for him brings out more of the guy in him, and dampens ever more so his spirit to 'be a man'.
But, in Epidural Nation, I'm pretty much seen as a nut anyway on a lot of other subjects too ...
but ... maybe, just maybe .... one guy will stop, and reconsider his lack of a 'birth plan'...
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