Posted on 10/25/2006 9:57:46 PM PDT by CAWats
Raymond Merrill bought a $5,000 engagement ring for Regina Filomena Rachid and declared in e-mails, "I have more kisses for you than there are stars in the sky."
Rachid's photos adorned his computer desktop and the walls in the San Bruno home he was fixing up. He had a stack of the Brazilian woman's glamour shots -- one with her topless, her jeans seductively unzipped partway. Wedding plans were discussed, messages on his computer show.
Merrill, a 56-year-old divorced carpenter and musician, thought he had found love online.
(Excerpt) Read more at sfgate.com ...
This point is absolutely true. Marrying for love while ignoring $$ is the domain of the young or the foolish.
A friend of mine has two daughters. One of them has acted like trailer trash. She had an oopsie kid, then finally married a guy who doesn't want to work, so she's the one out there bringing home the bread (fortunately she likes her work). On top of that, the guy has a genetic problem which was passed on to one of the kids she had with him, and which may shorten the kid's life.
The other daughter was described by her mother as a princess. She knew, from a young age, that she did not want to marry a poor man. She has been married for nearly 10 years to a young man whom she loves, who loves her, and who ALSO makes a good salary. And she just had her fourth kid.
When I was her age, I didn't want what she wanted, but I have to say now that maybe she knew something which I didn't at that age... and I have to admire her for knowing what she did want and then getting it.
I was the idealistic one when we met.
If he were a carpenter, would you be his lady?
Reportedly, he said, "I'm dying to get me one of those..."
I was the idealistic one when we met.
That is ironic! Very interesting. I have heard other men say that in their opinion, men were more romantic and women more practical.
Seems to me that in America, a lot of us are taught not to be so obviously interested in the financial status of a potential mate; but that other cultures are more practical and up-front about the economics of marriage and other relationships.
I imagine that that might be a holdover from the days when marriages were arranged more from the standpoint of economics and less from the standpoint of love.
Watching my parents' horrible marriage, I grew up with the idea that if you accepted a man's money and became his wife, he would expect the woman to obey, and he might expect to "own" her because he was supporting her. Also seemed to me that the working conditions and job security weren't great for marriage, either.
Watching my father and his attitudes (he felt as if he owned us, and he didn't like or respect women), I was scared sh!tless that I'd end up with someone as mean as he was (not a happy thought for me).
Fortunately, I discovered along the way that not all men are like my father. I also think that some men let women get away with far too much.
"If he were a carpenter, would you be his lady?"
At this point, I'm not picky. If it moves, I'll take it. LOL
I wouldn't be happy if I had to support a capable adult. 'Wife' isn't a real job and neither is 'mother' for that matter.
"'Wife' isn't a real job and neither is 'mother' for that matter."
You're just plain dumb, aren't you?
I appreciate a man of his word.
Wow... You really don't think being a wife and mother is a real job? Then I don't know how to explain to you that it really is.
It may not be considered as "important" as the job of a man who is CEO of a Fortune 500 company, but it is a job. And if a woman is the wife of that CEO, she has to know how to entertain in the corporate world, because a lot of such companies interview both the man and his wife to see if they fit into the corporate culture.
The woman "keeps the home fires burning." She makes a home for the man and the kids to come back to. She carries a great deal of the responsibility for what kind of home it is, in terms of atmosphere.
When I was younger, I thought that the job of being a wife and mother not only didn't have very good working conditions, but it didn't seem to get very much respect in general, nor did I myself respect it very much. I didn't understand at all why some women really wanted that job and found it more fulfilling than working outside the home.
My ideas and understanding have changed in the intervening years.
Let me put it to you this way: If you had children, would you prefer them to be raised by your wife, or by some strangers in day care? Because while day care is definitely better than letting toddlers roam the streets, most folks don't think it's as good as being raised by one's own parents. Kids do need their parents.
One last dig, I suppose: If a man supports a woman, at least she usually voluntarily does the housework (well, in most cases). When I've been in relationships where I paid more of the bills (or where, like this one, I have supported the guy for nearly all of the last four years), the guy in question usually did not volunteer to do very much in the way of housework.
I have, most of the time, had to ask the guy to do something, even if it was something that really obviously needed to be done (such as taking out the garbage before it crawls away). And for some tasks, since he didn't learn them from his mother, I have had to take him step-by-step through whatever it was that I wanted him to do.
However, he can now make pretty decent tuna sandwiches. He can open cans and heat up the food. He will empty the dishwasher if I ask him to. He will wash and fold laundry. But he still doesn't know very much about cooking, though fortunately he will eat most anything I cook.
He does have low vision, which has been a nearly lifelong handicap, though he is very good with computers. He is now starting work as a medical transcriptionist (I work as one as well), which is a field in which I have met some other visually handicapped people.
Well, in my experience, a lot of men will do their own housework until a woman shows up... at which point it is frequently left up to the woman! ;p
I can take care of myself. And I would prefer to have my kids in daycare and my spouse contributing.
Hey, whatever floats your boat!! I'm just glad I'm not either your wife or your offspring!!
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