Posted on 09/22/2006 3:57:06 PM PDT by DollyCali
Dear Abby/Dolly will be a 3-4 times a year part of our Weekend singles Thread. Questions will come from YOU. Answers will come from Me… and you on the thread. Please kick in with your thoughts, disagreements, and personal stories. We can learn from each other.. And now.. ON WITH THE SHOW!
I am a divorced woman who basically is dateless. I rarely go many places & am considered by most attractive, moderate build, weight but still no dates. You are considerably older than me yet seem to be out all the time. Can you share your secret?
The most important thing: Be yourself but first KNOW yourself. Don’t involve yourself with things you dislike or are lukewarm about with the hopes of meeting men to date. Go to activities & functions that are important to you & when threre throw yourself heart & soul into the activity.
Since you asked about me I will tell you that the men I date are ones that I believe are attracted to my being a tomboy. I play rough, do heavy activities(kayaking rough waters) biking(long distance & rough rides on trails or on roads) extreme long hikes off trails thru water, underbrush etc, cross country skiing NOT on trails & rough terrain for examples.
I don’t mind getting messed up along the way, am NOT crazy about correcting my makeup hair on dates, and have no problems in getting my shoes wet, dirty etc.
I date men 20 years younger as well as 20 years older & in everywhere between
Many people that are looking for "love, romance, long-term, lifelong" partner but seems to think that they are "above" anyone with "baggage." In my mind, the attitude alone is "baggage" on the part of the person seeking a partner.
It is extremely difficult to take on the burdens and problems of another, but the reality is, we all have problems.
Any ideas on how to change the minds of the masses without offending them in the thought that they are not "perfect?"
Yes, it is the old idea of a person NOT living in reality. They do NOT make good partners as they have a narcissist view of life.. Your second line is the answer. You can waste your life trying to change them but I think they learn the most by having reoccurring problems in relationships & falling on their face along the way. If they THEN truly introspect, they might have a chance. There is “Pollyanna” is all phases of life. Your hi-lighted one of them.
It seems to me folks in recovery groups often find some great potential mates OR the kukos in life. It is up to us to be ale to sort it all out. You can’t change folks but you can chose well.
We had this same struggle with Jeff, … re: Halloween, Easter bunny, Santa Claus.. etc. I let son Jeff always participate but made sure there were heavy duty discussions on the real centering of the activity & the hazards along the way. We didn’t go crazy with pricey costume etc & a few years instead of trick or treating we had the kids all over for a fall costume party.
At one of the churches we were at there were similar functions with emphasis on teaching the truth about Santa, bunny & the Halloween problems.
Now if your kiddie is really young the teaching is pretty simple & added to each year.
I know some parents completely prevent any Halloween participation for religious belief reasons.
If you “clean up well” and I guess I do, these same men love to take you to classy restaurants & the theater.
It is funny but for me it is really easy to get to know someone when you play with enthusiasm & carefree mentality.
What about “troublemakers” in the workplace. I have had people I barely know stirring up the waters & causing me to walk on egg shells. (this taken from discussion on a thread a few weeks ago between several of our men). What can I do.
Not much unfortunately. Some folks get their kicks from making other people miserable (does the word “terrorist” come to mind?) If in this situation you must go the extra mile to keep your nose clean & avoid any appearance of a problem. Women have done a LOT of harm to innocent men for whatever reasons but telling falsehoods or stretch “big time” the truth.. If you have one of these, never chat alone with them. ALWAYS have another trusted person with you to verify what was said. They are often just jealous &/or very insecure about their job. They will always try to make themselves look good & they feel unfortunately a good way to do this is to make OTHERS LOOK BAD.
nuttin.
nuttin at all...
boring, eh?
no sound in this house at all except the tv.
I don't even have that...
so just total silence? I'd go batsh-t crazy if I had that here.
I worked for 10 hours today and had total morons ask me the dumbest questions. I'm actually enjoying it...
LOL. I think some people are just idiots to start with.
Yep...
Just don't start talking to yourself.. {;0)
Thanks for your kind words. I'm very flattered by what you had to say. While I've had some difficult times, my job is not hard most of the time. My job requires some specialized knowledge, but that's not quite the same as being hard.
The professor was wrong to put you in the situation of handling chemicals without training or protective equipment. Federal law says that they are supposed to make a Materials Safety Data Sheet (MSDS) available for every chemical with which an employee might come in contact. The MSDS should tell you what the potential hazards are and how to protect yourself. If you've worked in a valve shop, you probably know that by now, but I think it's worth saying in case someone else is reading this post and needs to understand how to protect himself or herself. An employer should also require training and protective equipment.
In the past, colleges haven't really been bound by the same kind of safety regulations that apply to industry. I worked with sulfuric acid in grad school, and I don't remember wearing latex gloves. Maybe I had them and just forgot that I used them. I'm pretty sure that I had an old pair of safety glasses that I wore in the lab. Mostly, I remember that drips of the stuff would get on my jeans and dissolve holes in the jeans when they got wet. I've never had to deal with formaldehyde, but they should have had a chemical hood where you could work with the stuff. The hood would pull the fumes away from you so that you would have good air.
The greenhouse job sounds wonderful. It's neat when we get to do things like that.
Bill
Talking to your self is okay. when you start answering, it's time to worry.
You mentioned all the things that you do with your kids. How much did you do with your husband or with previous boyfriends before you had kids? Did you ever get a chance to drop everything one evening and go out to see or do something for a few hours because you thought it would be fun at the time? Did you get to spend significant amounts of time with a guy in a romantic relationship where you could focus on one another? If so, then why are you sorry to hear that I want the chance to have those same experiences? Are you saying that all of those times together really weren't good times? If they were good times, why shouldn't I get the same chance to enjoy them in my life?
The guys I knew who really saw children as an asset were guys who had already had good one-on-one relationships with women. In the words of that one lady, they had also had a chance to have their one-on-one fun and make those memories. Having done all of that, they were ready to include children in the future experiences and future memories. Because of their situation, a woman with children fit their needs.
Bill
you are funny.. true however!
ROFL!!
I agree that an online relationship could be difficult to make into a marriage. Making the commitment to marriage without having lived in the same town and been in one another's presence on a regular basis would be a tough commitment to make. Likewise, one or the other person moving without the commitment of marriage is also difficult. I wouldn't want that kind of stress at the beginning of a marriage, but some people can make it work.
Bill
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