Posted on 08/15/2006 7:43:53 AM PDT by Millee
Peter Kay's "Garlic bread, it's the future - I've tasted it" has been voted the best comedy one-liner ever.
The line featured in his one-man show and was later aired in his cult comedy Phoenix Nights.
It's funny, but is it really the funniest line ever? Is there a one-liner you can think of that has had you in stitches? Have you ever had your work colleagues cracking up with a one-line beauty?
How about this one: a bad day of fishing is better than a good day at work.
I have had a lovely evening...but this wasn't it.
Ahem...#30
A FEW WORDS FROM THE VISIONARY STEVEN WRIGHT:
All those who believe in psychokinesis raise my hand.
The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
I almost had a psychic girlfriend but she left me before we met.
OK, so what's the speed of dark?
How do you tell when you're out of invisible ink?
If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked
something.
Support bacteria - they're the only culture some people have.
When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.
Ambition is a poor excuse for not having enough sense to be lazy.
Hard work pays off in the future. Laziness pays off now.
Everyone has a photographic memory. Some just don't have film.
Shin: a device for finding furniture in the dark.
Many people quit looking for work when they find a job.
I intend to live forever - so far, so good.
Join the Army, meet interesting people, kill them.
If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?
Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.
Dancing is a perpendicular expression of a horizontal desire.
When I'm not in my right mind, my left mind gets pretty crowded.
Boycott shampoo! Demand the REAL poo!
Who is General Failure and why is he reading my hard disk?
What happens if you get scared half to death twice?
I used to have an open mind but my brains kept falling out.
I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.
Why do psychics have to ask you for your name?
If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.
If at first you don't succeed, then skydiving definitely isn't for you.
A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking.
Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.
For every action, there is an equal and opposite criticism.
The colder the X-ray table, the more of your body is required to be on it.
The hardness of the butter is proportional to the softness of the bread.
The severity of the itch is proportional to the reach.
To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is
research.
You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.
The problem with the gene pool is that there is no lifeguard.
Monday is an awful way to spend 1/7th of your life.
The sooner you fall behind, the more time you'll have to catch up.
A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
If you must choose between two evils, pick the one you've never tried before.
Change is inevitable....except from vending machines.
A fool and his money are soon partying.
Plan to be spontaneous tomorrow.
If you think nobody cares about you, try missing a couple of payments.
Drugs may lead to nowhere, but at least it's the scenic route.
I'd kill for a Nobel Peace Prize.
Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of checks.
Borrow money from pessimists-they don't expect it back.
Half the people you know are below average.
99 percent of lawyers give the rest a bad name.
42.7 percent of all statistics are made up on the spot.
A conscience is what hurts when all your other parts feel so good.
That is a really funny one liner.
"Jesus Christ was the only person who came back from the grave that didn't scare the **** out of everyone." -Sam Kinison
Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day; teach a man to fish and he will lie for the rest of his life.
That's a good one.
"a bad day of fishing is better than a good day at work"
So true, so true. Of course there's good fishing and great fishing. Great fishing is where you actually catch something.
OR
There's fishing.......and there's catching.
(see the tagline)
General:
You're just jealous because the voices talk to me.
Insulting:
I'll try to be nicer if you try to be smarter.
Comeback to the classic pickup line- 'I'd sure like to get in your pants'
Thanks, but there's one A-hole in there already!
-----
"Garlic bread, it's the future - I've tasted it" That's the funniest one-liner ever???? Would hate to see the runners-up.
I just don't get it, either "Garlic bread, it's the future.....and the present...and the past" would be funnier, IMHO.
I may not be as good as I once was but I'm as good once as I ever was.
"I'd like to say she was the most beautiful girl I've ever seen. I'd like to say that but I'm just not that big a liar."
It's not how deep you fish, it's how you wiggle your worm.
That's what PapaT's t-shirt says, anyway.
:-)
"You know the world is going crazy when the best rapper is a white guy, the best golfer is a black guy and the tallest guy in the National Basketball Association is Chinese."
-Chris Rock
LOL.
Remember, in just two days, tomorrow will be yesterday.
Touché :)
You know you're old when someone compliments you on your alligator shoes and you're barefoot. (Phyllis Diller)
"My wife and I were the inspiration for 'Love Story'"
Algore
I never gamble; I just throw $100 at the dealer - it saves time!
--Ed Yeager (comedian and writer)
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