Posted on 08/15/2006 7:43:53 AM PDT by Millee
Peter Kay's "Garlic bread, it's the future - I've tasted it" has been voted the best comedy one-liner ever.
The line featured in his one-man show and was later aired in his cult comedy Phoenix Nights.
It's funny, but is it really the funniest line ever? Is there a one-liner you can think of that has had you in stitches? Have you ever had your work colleagues cracking up with a one-line beauty?
"Hello, room service? Send up a larger room."
"I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception."
"I have had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn't it."
"Remember men, we're fighting for this woman's honor; which is probably more than she ever did."
Mark Twain on Jane Austen:
Jane is entirely impossible. It seems a great pity that they allowed her to die a natural death.
A lifetime of fishing sounds good to me;)
Hmmph, I don't get it.
"Kids these days. They get pregnant from eating chicken. I mean it's finger licking good and one thing leads to another."
"I know my wife cheats on me. I bought a used car and found her dress on the backseat."
"My wife and I decided to quit smoking. Now we only smoke after sex. I've had the same pack since 1975. I'm worried about my wife, she's up to four packs a day!"
Rodney Dangerfield, the king of the one-liners.
Fletch: "Nice briefcase. What? Couldn't guess your weight?"
I'm not confused...Oh, wait, maybe I am.
From a DU poster from yesterday's DUFU.
I'd give my right arm to be ambidextrous!
And one from Blue Collar Comedy:
"I believe the way to a man's heart is not through his stomach....it's a little further south."
"'twas a woman who drove me to drink, and I never had the courtesy to thank her for it." - W. C. Fields.
"And you, madam, are ugly. But I shall be sober in the morning." - Winston Churchill, replying to Bessie Braddock MP who told him he was drunk.
The funniest one-liner ever:
"I joined the jihad to meet new women and explore new career opportunities."
Best knock-knock joke:
"Knock-Knock"
"Who's there?"
"Control Freak. Now you say, 'Control Freak who?'"
This girl calls me up and says, 'Come on over, nobodys home.' I went on over. Nobody was home!
W. C. Fields on water - I never drink the stuff, fish f*** in it.
"I NEVER make a mistake!" (I thought I did once but I was wrong.)
How about...."You might be a redneck if......"
Build a man a fire and he'll be warm for a day; set a man on fire and he'll be warm for the rest of his life.
Some guy asked me at my yard sale how much this lamp was. I told him it was $1.25. He said, "But, there's no lampshade," and I said, "That's why it's $1.25. Get out of my yard." --Jake Johannsen
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