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VANITY- Parenthood Later in Life
7-31-06 | myself

Posted on 07/31/2006 11:28:23 AM PDT by Muzzle_em

I've always done everything on my own time-table, including waiting until after age 30 to get married. My husband and I remained childless and planned to never be parents, but now in my early 40's I'm feeling differently. I also am blessed in that I would be able to stay at home with the baby.

For every story I've heard about age-related fertility issues, I've also heard of yet another couple who thought they couldn't get pregnant, didn't worry about birth control, and got a nice little surprise.

I would like to hear from Freepers who have become parents either again or for the first time after age 40. Is it easier to parent or more difficult? Are you enjoying it more? Did doctors try to push you into trying IVF?


TOPICS: Chit/Chat
KEYWORDS: baby; child; children; invitrofertilization; ivt; kids; muzzleemindeed; notnews; parenthood; vanity
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To: Muzzle_em
Go forward. But now is the time if you are all ready 40.
41 posted on 07/31/2006 12:23:00 PM PDT by tallhappy (Juntos Podemos!)
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To: Muzzle_em

My cousin adopted a baby when she was 50. She's 65 now an she says it was the best thing she's ever done in her life. Good luck to you.


42 posted on 07/31/2006 12:24:14 PM PDT by Hildy
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To: Hildy; Muzzle_em

I say go for it. Who cares how old you are? Keep yourself healthy, exercise, eat good food without junk and pesticides, pray, meditate,etc. This world needs happy children.


43 posted on 07/31/2006 12:25:27 PM PDT by cyborg (No I don't miss the single life at all.)
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To: 2banana

My wife and I are 59 and are raising 2 G-children ages 9 and 7- challenging to say the least.


44 posted on 07/31/2006 12:31:23 PM PDT by midnightson (Mama-the ultimate prognosticator- said there'd be days like this.)
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To: Muzzle_em

I was 35 and my husband was 38 when our first and only daughter was born. We had been married for 13 years when she arrived.
To describe her a 'spoiled' would be an understatement - however - being older (and wiser) we have not raised her to be a socialist/liberal as we might have done if we had her in our 20s.
Tell your wife to practice ignoring all of the know-it-all busy bodies that she will encounter. If I had listened to half of their 'advice' - I would have lost my mind.

Beware of those teen years though - right now she is 17 years old - and is at the mall, in my car, with my checkbook, spending her Dad's money!


45 posted on 07/31/2006 12:37:06 PM PDT by SelmaLee (Woof!)
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To: Muzzle_em
At 53, I play hoops with my teenaged sons, and just bought myself a new bicycle so I can ride with my five year old daughter. They don't care how old I am, we all just love each other. There are no guarantees in life - just last week a work acquaintance, 33 years old, had a brain aneurysm while on vacation, died and left three small children. Live life and take good care of yourself.

One small piece of advice though - get a hot tub, because you may think young, but your old sports injuries will be back to say howdy!

46 posted on 07/31/2006 12:41:00 PM PDT by Ol' Sox
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To: Muzzle_em
My father was 13 year older than my mother. ALthough they had 2 kids already, he was 51 and she was 38 when she had me. They had another one 18 months later (Frisky guy!). My father died at 70, and my mother at 79. I was blessed that my father was able to retire when I was 11 and teach me many (many) things before he died (I was 19, and he was healthy to the day he died). Both died suddenly of natural causes.

Having kids later in life seemed to work out fine for them. My only regret was that I lost them when I was still relatively young. It did make me grow up and take on a lot more responsibility than I wanted to at that age.

Experiencing what I went through, I had my kids young and am looking at the last one leaving home before I get to retirement. Heck, I'm even enjoying my first grandson now! Good Lord willing, I'll have another couple decades to enjoy them.

47 posted on 07/31/2006 12:42:09 PM PDT by Dubh_Ghlase
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To: Muzzle_em

I'm 48, my daughter is 16 months. She is my joy. I have three grandchildren, 7, 5, 2 YO. Sometimes I think its rediculous that their aunt is younger than them. I'm enjoying her more, I think, than my older kids. Although at the end of my day my feet are complaining. Maybe she will regret that dad isn't a little younger. OTOH, life beats non-existence.


48 posted on 07/31/2006 12:42:51 PM PDT by lafroste (gravity is not a force. See my profile to read my novel absolutely free (I know, beyond shameless))
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To: lovecraft

I'm SURE you nailed the reason for their negativity right there! :-)

Women should encourage each other, not snipe and compete with each other!


49 posted on 07/31/2006 12:46:11 PM PDT by Muzzle_em (taglines are for sissies)
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To: Ol' Sox

LOL!


50 posted on 07/31/2006 12:49:42 PM PDT by Muzzle_em (taglines are for sissies)
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To: Muzzle_em; carlo3b

Carlo, got any advice for this wonderful lady?


51 posted on 07/31/2006 12:55:29 PM PDT by jellybean (Proud to be an Ann-droid and a Steyn-aholic)
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To: Muzzle_em

I will be 44 next week, and while we are still awaiting bloodwork results, it looks like I am pregnant with our first child. I don't know what the future will bring, of course, but I do know (as someone already said) that it is hard to imagine myself being 60 and childless.

Just to comment on the fertility issues, since I have been through that in spades lately: Even if you decide to try naturally, instead of doing IVF, do go to your doc and get a thorough physical workup, and make your husband do the same. There are fertility issues that can be completely hidden until you get tested for them, and if you have those, you might as well be banging your head against the wall because you will NOT get pg with some of those issues. For instance, I had a uterus full of fibroids, but had no idea, since I had no symptoms. And your husband could have sperm issues and have no idea (and a test that he had one year or 5 or 20 years ago has no bearing on the present -- you need to find out what it is right now). Also, you can get blood tests (such as FSH) which will tell you about the quality of the eggs you have left. Many of these tests are inexpensive, and your regular insurance should cover them. But really, go get checked out thoroughly, because otherwise you could be wasting time that you could be spending considering adoption or IVF or whatever.

As for doctors pushing IVF, I have not experienced that. What I have experienced is my doctors being realists, and telling me what the statistics for women my age are, and presenting facts to me and my husband so that we could make informed decisions. If you get a doc who is really pushing one option or another, you need a different doc.


52 posted on 07/31/2006 12:55:51 PM PDT by Hetty_Fauxvert (Kelo must GO!! ..... http://sonoma-moderate.blogspot.com/)
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To: Muzzle_em

I had my youngest child when I was 39 and my husband was 53. He has been the light of our lives. It's true, they do keep you young.

I also became pregnant last year at 45, but sadly miscarried- which is more common for older women.

My grandparents raised my cousin due to the death of his parents. They were in their 60's when they were handed a newborn. They did a good job, and never regretted it. So it can be done when you are older, and it can be done well.

And it is very rewarding.



53 posted on 07/31/2006 12:57:13 PM PDT by Reddy (America, Bless God!)
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To: Muzzle_em
'had four boys by age 26 - gave u p on having a daughter...until I hit 39, still wanting that daughter and realizing if it were ever going to happen, I had to make a decision.

2 weeks before my 40th, I had my "little" girl - over 9 lbs.

She is now 32 and mother of 3 darling daughters. I cannot imagine my life without all the love and joy this wonderful person brings into my = and my families - lives.

I have 15 grandkids - I am rich beyond measure
54 posted on 07/31/2006 1:04:20 PM PDT by maine-iac7 ("...but you can't fool all of the people all of the time." Lincoln)
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To: Muzzle_em

My wife and I had our first son born January 2006. She was 39 and I was 40 then. Our only regret is we didnt have a child sooner. Do it!


55 posted on 07/31/2006 1:04:35 PM PDT by ßuddaßudd (7 days - 7 ways Guero » with a floating, shifting, ever changing persona....)
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To: Muzzle_em

And what family wouldn't want to experience puberty and menopause at the same time, LOL.

Seriously though, I was older (not quite 40 though) when my one and only was born.

We never saw it as a problem. I have friends and family members in their 40's who have had children, and I've never heard complaints from any of them. They see it as a blessing. But I will say, if there is a hard part, it's not having the baby when you're forty, it's running after the 2 year old when you're 42.


56 posted on 07/31/2006 1:04:59 PM PDT by dawn53
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To: Muzzle_em

My mom had me naturally when she was 42. So I'm the youngest by 6, 8, and 10 years and have a half sister nearly 20 years older than me :)


57 posted on 07/31/2006 1:09:09 PM PDT by onja ("The government of England is a limited mockery.") (France is a complete mockery.)
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To: Muzzle_em

Just to let you know that your risk for having miscarriages goes up after age 30, your risk for having multiples goes up after about 35, and your risk for having a down syndrome child goes up after 35.

I have twins before my risk went up, and I had three miscarriages before I had my first child.

I would not go through trying to have a kid after age 40. I would adopt.


58 posted on 07/31/2006 1:12:37 PM PDT by luckystarmom
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To: lovecraft

I would be happy to talk with her if she wants to FReepmail me. : )


59 posted on 07/31/2006 1:31:28 PM PDT by Politicalmom (Nearly 1% of illegals are in prison for felonies. Less than 1/10 of 1% of the legal population is.)
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To: Muzzle_em

We just adopted a beautiful little girl at 47 years old.....BTW, we already have 3 kids of our own, the youngest is 15...

Both my wife and I are in great lean shape, eat properly, rest take vitamins....low blood pressure and resting heart rates.....plus we exercise.....

It won't be a problem as long as you stay in great shape.....The stresses involved in raising young children take a toll on you when your young, these demands will be tougher when you are older...

Best of Luck!


60 posted on 07/31/2006 1:39:58 PM PDT by nevergore (“It could be that the purpose of my life is simply to serve as a warning to others.”)
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