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The ***OFFICIAL*** Weekend Singles' Thread -- Dear Abby/Dolly (June 2-4, 2006)
DollyCali & all the SUPER singles at FR | June 2, 2006 | Dear Abby/Dolly

Posted on 06/02/2006 5:13:54 PM PDT by DollyCali

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To: DollyCali
women have a desire to be irreplaceable maybe? other gals? ideas? thoughts? those are my observations.

I've sometimes felt that women only want a man if they can take him from another woman. If they don't have that game-playing element, they aren't interested. I realize that the statement doesn't apply to all or necessarily even to most women. It's just one of those things that I notice when I'm feeling frustrated.

To be honest, I've also known guys who seem interested in women only as a game. I was once interested in a young lady in a college Christian fellowship. One of my "friends" from the fellowship immediately decided that he had to have her. I don't think he was interested in her as much as he just wanted to make a game of it and beat me. I thoroughly despise that attitude in either sex.

Bill

261 posted on 06/03/2006 12:42:00 AM PDT by WFTR (Liberty isn't for cowards)
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To: DollyCali
we like to show off our pets here.

I think you'll regret this statement. Meet:

Katrina

Ester Lily

and Elvis

Yeah I know; these are not normal Freeper pets. I bought Katrina and Elvis last October. I've always wanted a pet snake. I think I finally reached a point where I knew I wasn't getting married, so I figured that I might as well try these pets. If I've written off finding the right woman, then I don't have to worry about her not being able stand a guy with snakes for pets.

Bill

262 posted on 06/03/2006 12:59:45 AM PDT by WFTR (Liberty isn't for cowards)
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To: DollyCali
Men????

Yeah, you know, the opposite sex.

:)


263 posted on 06/03/2006 1:11:01 AM PDT by BigSkyFreeper (There is no alternative to the GOP except varying degrees of insanity.)
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To: DollyCali
so I kayak & bike either alone or with the couple conservatives I know

I still haven't been in my kayak this year. I'm wanting to get a new kayak that is a better fit. I think one of the reasons that I haven't kayaked in a long time is that my primary kayak puts my legs to sleep, and I'm just not interested in the discomfort of flopping out of the boat after a couple of hours and not being able to walk very well. When I have kayaked in the past, I've gone almost always alone.

Bill

264 posted on 06/03/2006 1:11:03 AM PDT by WFTR (Liberty isn't for cowards)
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To: tet68
what do you think, just an inch or two off the top?

Let it grow.

265 posted on 06/03/2006 1:13:01 AM PDT by BigSkyFreeper (There is no alternative to the GOP except varying degrees of insanity.)
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To: DollyCali
did you ever have the nightmare where you go to class & have NOT been there all semester.. papers are do, tests etc. You did NOT withdraw legally & now it is "payday"

I used to have this dream fairly often when I was in college. Waking up and realizing that it was just a dream was always a relief.

Someone once told me that this dream is psychologically the same as the dream of showing up in class naked. Both are related to a fear of not being prepared. I never had the dream of being naked. I guess my fear of lack of preparation was different from what some people feel.

Bill

266 posted on 06/03/2006 1:15:18 AM PDT by WFTR (Liberty isn't for cowards)
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To: Rca2000
WHY IS IT that most women only seem to want the nasty, brutish, neanderthal-type guys, (even IF they say, they want the "nice guys", they usually pass them by) who will cheat on them, knock them around, and treat them like trash in general??

Women seem to be drawn to men who are self-confident. Self-confidence seems to be the quality that makes a woman's heart go "pitter-pat." Self-confidence grabs a woman's attention and hormones the way that a beautiful face and shapely body can grab a man's attention and hormones. While one can argue that the truly brutish and nasty "men" are not really self-confident, their behavior projects something that resembles self-confidence. The analogy in women would be the woman who wasn't really pretty but who dyes her hair a bright blonde and has her breasts enhanced so that her appearance grabs attention. She's not really attractive, but she's close enough that she can get some attention. The guy who's abusive gets a woman's attention this way, and some women will follow the relationship for a while.

Another factor is that our society really doesn't tell young women that getting into relationships with these kinds of men is wrong. When a guy goes after a woman who's physically attractive but has no character qualities, our society is quick to tell him that he's acting wrongly. If negative consequences come to him, society says that he was stupid for not wanting a woman with better qualities. Society will say these things to a guy even though society celebrates a woman's beauty. However, when a woman chases a guy who's clearly a loser and gets hurt, society says that criticizing her actions constitutes "blaming the victim." We create entitlements to take care of women whose pursuit of bad men puts them in difficult circumstances. Some people even try to create domestic violence laws to try to use the government to force these men to be what their women want and need. While a woman who's been burned in that situation may feel foolish and feel that she's done wrong, society doesn't tell her before these consequences hit that she needs to put her fantasies on hold for a bit and really analyze whether the relationship is right. If it isn't, she needs to walk away in spite of how certain aspects of his personality make her feel so good.

And WHY has desiring to live a life of decent moral quality, the way that God dictates in the bible, become so unpopular nowdays, among CHRISTIANS and CONSERVATIVES??

When I was in church, church people told me many stupid things and gave me a tremendous amount of foolish advice. On many of the big picture issues, I can see advantages to doing things "God's way." On the other hand, much of the advice given by the church is really just "church agenda" and isn't God's will. Unfortunately for me, I followed the church's advice for too many years and ended up too old to find the relationship that I needed by the time I figured out that the church had been telling me stupid things.

One answer to your question may be that people are starting to wise up. Their rejection of what you see as God's way may only be a rejection of things that you believe and they don't. Another possibility is that many people like me now realize that since the relationship that I really needed is no longer possible, the next best thing does go against Biblical teaching. However, I'd still rather have the next best thing than the completely unacceptable situation I was getting from the church.

Bill

267 posted on 06/03/2006 1:38:28 AM PDT by WFTR (Liberty isn't for cowards)
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To: DollyCali
I can relate somewhat to question #5. I sorta hated my parents (moreso with my mother) when I was growing up. I always wanted to do the same things my brother and my friends were doing, things like playing basketball on the school team, but mom would always have the penchant to say "No". It frustrated me to no end, so we ended up compromising by my becoming the manager of the team which allowed me to participate with my brother and my friends in some way.

Anything I wanted to do, I would ask first, and usually the responses were, "We'll talk to your father", "We'll see", or simply and flat out "No".

I never realized until after I graduated high school and was on my own that the reason my mother would say "No" or something resembling a "No" was because she loved me and wanted to protect me from harm or being hurt. You could say I became older and wiser.

I see this sort of anguish and frustration that I had as a teenager, bubble to the surface with my grandmother, who I am a caregiver for. She has Alzheimers, and she cannot perform complex tasks like turning the TV on, or starting the microwave, the washer and dryer or the dishwasher, starting the water in the tub for her bath, cooking the meals, or cleaning the dishes or driving a car. So, I take care of those jobs and let her do easier and simple jobs like wiping the table after a meal, folding her cleaned clothes, letting her do her grocery shopping (I sometimes help with that) and letting her watch on TV what she wants to watch.

I've never been married, I feel terminally single sometimes, but with my grandmother to take care of, I've found I've developed skills as a father and a husband.

There was a day when my grandmother told me during one of our meals that some woman is going to be lucky to snag you because you really know how to cook! (I actually taught myself with a lot of experimentation).

In closing, don't hate your parents, or even your grandparents. Sometimes, people have a funny way of showing they love you.

268 posted on 06/03/2006 1:42:18 AM PDT by BigSkyFreeper (There is no alternative to the GOP except varying degrees of insanity.)
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To: Maximus_Ridiculousness
Where Did the Dots Go?

When I stare at the '+', the purple dots slowly disappear, and I see a lime colored dot going around in a circle.

269 posted on 06/03/2006 2:28:22 AM PDT by BigSkyFreeper (There is no alternative to the GOP except varying degrees of insanity.)
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To: MissAmericanPie

>>was going to be men's chest waxing, to do, or not to do

Darn! I should have stuck around.


270 posted on 06/03/2006 3:01:48 AM PDT by The Raven
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To: DollyCali

I was rummaging through the cheap DVDs yesterday and picked up "American Beauty"

Have you seen it?


271 posted on 06/03/2006 3:10:40 AM PDT by The Raven
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To: The Raven

yes, on American Beauty (no to chest waxing)..

I liked AB & think it is more of a guy flick maybe? Good cast. Let me know what you think. I saw it just once in theater when it came out. Several men I know saw it several times in theater & got tape or DVD

Are you staying the same locale next week as you did last year? Maybe Kit & I could meet you in that area.or we could do the Lizard again. Easy to find


272 posted on 06/03/2006 4:06:07 AM PDT by DollyCali (Don't tell GOD how big your storm is -- Tell the storm how B-I-G your God is!)
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To: DollyCali; All

Thanks for pinging!

Here is a question geared more toward women. Although women are attracted to men who are confident, charming, funny, etc., I'll log onto online dating sites where many profiles will ask for the aforementioned qualities, but they must be "at least" 6'1" or "must be big and muscular", or something to that effect.

Speaking from personal experience, women may like my personality but can't quite get past the fact that I'm not a big, strong guy (in case you are still skeptical, check out my profile page.) Are women who have these "must be this tall to ride the rollercoaster" requirements simply being shallow or do I just not have enough physical aesthetics to work with?


273 posted on 06/03/2006 4:06:26 AM PDT by GOP_Raider (FR's token San Francisco Giants fan)
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To: DollyCali

>>Are you staying the same locale next week as you did last year?

Yep - in the silos. Today I'll see if I can figure out my schedule and let you know.


274 posted on 06/03/2006 4:11:48 AM PDT by The Raven
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To: DollyCali

>>Let me know what you think

I watched it yesterday. I thought it had underlying liberal stuff galore.


275 posted on 06/03/2006 4:16:37 AM PDT by The Raven
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To: BigSkyFreeper
Wow, how did you (rather then your parents) get the responsibility of grandma? Do you live with her? She with you? (I am care giver to my mom... she was given 6 months to live - that was in 1992 - another story, another time)

Yes, it sounds like you have been given EXCELLENT partner/husband training. Patience is one of the most difficulty things for couples. Being patient with the other's differences/shortcomings.

Interesting thoughts on your relation & "after thoughts" on parents. The biggest differentiation of the parents is the fine line between protecting with love & concern & OVER protecting. My younger brother was overprotected by my mom. NOT permitted to participate in any HS athletics or club activities.(and he was good) etc. She just wanted him to stay home with her.(My mother, whom I live with, is still the same...Wants me to always just stay home with her. But she can't pull that with me like she did with a teenager)

He ended up in wrong crowd after they moved to new area. Dad at 19(future wife 16).. that lasted a few years.

He now 35+ years later is doing fine. Air force career. Got his college degree & advanced degree. Wonderful 2nd wife (1st wife left him while they were in Germany.. she was only 18, tied down with toddler & wanted to party & go to discos).

His second wife is from heaven. They have two kids, now in college, he works for State of OK in networking, they are financially comfortable & are VERY involved in a great church

I agree with your grandmother. You are tremendous husband material. You are obviously mature & have learned some valuable people skills. Young couples "learn" often on each other but the hurts along the way are sometimes to much for them to overcome at younger ages.

The most difficult thing for those who wait until late 30s or 40s (or later) for marriage they often become very self centered & it is hard to be a giver/compromiser, which is vital in a successful marriage/partnership. The cooking is a bonus. A lot of women don't like to cook or love to share the cooking.
276 posted on 06/03/2006 4:21:19 AM PDT by DollyCali (Don't tell GOD how big your storm is -- Tell the storm how B-I-G your God is!)
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To: The Raven
Now I need to re-see it. Guess I don't remember much detail. I recall the fantasizing of dad mostly as the central theme.
277 posted on 06/03/2006 4:22:39 AM PDT by DollyCali (Don't tell GOD how big your storm is -- Tell the storm how B-I-G your God is!)
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To: GOP_Raider
You ask a great question! (AND YOU ARE VERY HANDSOME!)

This is a strange part of attraction. We are all attracted to different MORPH types & different PERSONALITY types. Getting both together is sometimes difficult.

Lets look at morph types:(I will use (Male)cinema personalities, as they are well known & I am a movie fanatic)

These are all "HUNKS" to women, but have different: builds, bodies, sizes" (they are often cast into rolls that depict the appearance) Type 1 - Pretty Boys.. Tom Cruise, Michael J. Fox, Leonardo De Carprio, Johnny Depp. Attractive, smaller often, facial has fine features leaning towards feminine. Still can be STRONG & powerful males.

Type 2 - Hunky Hulks. - Avg height, muscles/strength -Sylvester Stallone, Russell CRowe, The Arnold,

Type 3 - Average... build, height, strength present but not overstated - Mel gibson, Frank Sinatra,Richard Gere, John Travolta, tobey Mcquire; Robert DeNiro; Al Pacino; Matt Damon

Type 4 - Commanding - tall, sometimes lean to Avg but muscular, face angular & chiseled in appearance NOT necessarily the super handsome. Micahel Douglas, Sam Elliot, Clint eastwood, Dwayne Johnson,Gene Hackman, Denzel Washington, Harrison Ford, Nic Cage, Ben Affleck, Sean Connery, Anthony Hopkins

Type 5 - Character = shorter varied builds not a protector type - Robin Williams, Tom Hanks, Tommy Lee Jones, Jack Nicholson, Danny Devito

NOW .. there are roughly 5 different types of men here & Each group has a group of women who are attracted to them for whatever reason in their background, psyche etc. Often women have a shopping list of personality traits that should accompany the "look" That is where it gets tough, doable but tougher.

. Men do the same thing with women. They have an attraction to a certain build/set of features. It could be lotsa hair, tall/lean, full figured, large breasts,hips or thighs, short/petite, athletic look, soft/cuddly look, lots ot love look..

There is someone for everyone!

A friend of mine has 9 siblings. I met his brother Frank about 10 years ago. Frank was very distraught & was coming to live with my friend. His wife of 10 years left him for another man. Well, common story, but NOT so common as you see "wife" was a thalidomide baby. no arms, legs etc.

Not actually a babe in the modern line of thought.

Appearance is NOT everything. It is part of the packaging for sure, but the part inside is the treasure you offer to others & you look for for yourself.

And yes, if you are rejected by some, they can be partially shallow, or JUST NOT ATTRACTED to your morph type!
278 posted on 06/03/2006 5:02:21 AM PDT by DollyCali (Don't tell GOD how big your storm is -- Tell the storm how B-I-G your God is!)
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To: WFTR

Beautiful pets!

We had snakes when my son was growing up.

Good freinds of ours had BIG ones.. 4 huge ones.


279 posted on 06/03/2006 5:05:35 AM PDT by DollyCali (Don't tell GOD how big your storm is -- Tell the storm how B-I-G your God is!)
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To: WFTR

I just got out for the first time on Sunday afternoon. Felt good. I don't cramp up because I get in/out of kayak a lot to beach/river comb.

My kayaks are also pretty roomy for legs & hauling stuff.. Swifty & Otter


280 posted on 06/03/2006 5:07:18 AM PDT by DollyCali (Don't tell GOD how big your storm is -- Tell the storm how B-I-G your God is!)
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