Posted on 05/29/2006 10:34:01 AM PDT by sweetliberty
I know there are a lot of homeschoolers on FR with varied experiences and I really need your input. I have always been a believer in homeschooling, but I also know that there are a lot of variables to be considered. For instance, when my daughter was coming up on school age, after much thought and prayer, I decided that, even though I was a stay at home mom and could easily have managed the necessary time to homeschool, the personality dynamics and differences in learning style between me and my daughter were such that she would likely fare better in a quality private school that supported our values. That was a good decision in that situation.
Now, I have a new dilemma. I am seriously considering adopting a child, perhaps two. I am in the midst of the process, but have not yet made any commitment. Over the past 20 years, my attitude toward public schooling has changed dramatically. It used to be one of distrust and disagreement with them because their academic standards were inferior and they tended to undermine and work counter to the values most parents tried to instill in their children. Now my attitude is one of outright contempt for an institution that not only no longer educates, except in all the wrong areas, and whose goal seems to be the systematic destruction of any sense of values, faith, patriotism and independence. It makes the parents the enemy, instead of a partner. It makes an outcast of the child with a traditional family and with traditional values and faith instead of holding him/her up as an example to emulate. It exposes children to knowledge of things that they are not yet mature enough to process. It actively strips them of their innocence while punishing them for being children and doing normal kid things. It seeks to make every child "special" by imposing a standard of mediocrity that prevents any child from being truly special and rewards laziness and "inability" while minimizing, or even punishing, competence and excellence and teaches them to make excuses for failure instead of providing them with tools to succeed. Instead of challenging children to think independently, it forces them into a mold of nanny state group think, seeking to turn out masses of ignorant, low performing, drug dependent, easily manipulated pawns of government will. They not only usurp the authority of parents; they encourage children to "expose" any manner in which their parents are out of "compliance" with the socialist agenda, in effect turning children into government "spies."
Which brings me to my current dilemma. In my opinion, most public schooling is a form of child abuse, so I really don't see it as an educational option. At this point in time, I don't have the luxury of being a stay at home mom, and to the best of my knowledge, there is no easily accessible private school in or near the town I am moving to, so obviously a very big consideration in the decision about taking on the responsibility of a child is going to be making a determination about whether or not I can provide an adequate education and deciding if homeschooling is a viable option. I know of parents who have worked full-time and home schooled and whose school day began after work, but that still leaves a lot of hours in the day to find something suitable for the child/ren to do.
Let me also add that I would be a single parent, which I realize is not an ideal situation; however, let me also add that I deal with the type of children daily that are in need of permanent homes and their chances of being placed in suitable 2-parent homes are often exceedingly slim. While I wouldn't entertain taking on a child with very serious medical or behavioral problems simply because I know that I wouldn't have the kind of time and energy to devote to them that they would require, many of these children just need a lot of love and consistency combined with structure, discipline, education, security, hope and some place to belong. Those are things I can provide. All these children come with baggage and some special needs. It is simply a by-product of the situations they're in. Of course, this in itself is going to effect the way these children learn, and educating a child who is already school age when adopted is clearly not going to be the same as working with a child you've raised and taught from birth.
So, I have several questions. Probably the most obvious is: Are any of you who homeschool single, working parents and, if so, how do you deal it? More specifically, are any of you single, adoptive parents? I would really like to know your experiences. What about accessing the best in teaching materials? I know there are programs out there for the computer, as well as more traditional teaching materials, but I wouldn't know where to start. I know there are also homeschool groups/co-ops of a sort, but I don't know how many other homeschoolers there would be in my area.
Some of you may be wondering why I would consider adopting, given my situation. Well, I must admit that I have asked myself that same question. It's like I have this voice whispering in one ear, "why not? You always wanted more children." And in the other ear is another voice saying, "have you lost your mind?" I guess the real reason though, is somewhere between those extremes. I see these kids who have had no guidance, no direction, no affection, whose past is too painful to remember and who never know what tomorrow is going to bring. I have room in my home and in my heart. I guess it's really that simple.
I work part time and homeschool. My DH teaches math in the morning and I take over when I get home. I know that it most certainly can be done as a single working parent. I would highly recomment reading "So You're Thinking About Homeschooling" by Lisa Whelchel.
I'll post more later when I have more time.
My advice as a homeschooling working single parent ? You need someone at home with a kid until they are about 10-11 or until you can rely on their trustworthiness. After that, if you have done your job, they can be fairly self-sufficient, especially if you are available for consulting at the end of the phone line.
However, I applaud you for your ambition to raise one or more of these kids. I believe your biggest challenge will be bonding with them and developing trust. You should read several books before even going on to the subject of curriculum - invest some time in yourself. Read "The Art of Education" by Linda Dobson and any book by Raymond and Dorothy Moore. There are lots more to recommend, but these are my favorites.
I brought my "wounded" kid home from school at age 11. I had an excellent relationship with this child but after years of "abuse" by various schools of this very gifted child, there was a lot of work to be done in repairing her image of herself as a capable child. She was an avid reader of very advanced material, but math skills were lacking, and she had some physical issues related to severe stress.
I settled on a program of 2-3 hours of self-directed, self-motivated study, with all other time as her choice(not to include TV, computer or video games of more than 1 hour per day). Read anything, shore up basic math skills, hands-on science, helping with chores at home, volunteer work at the Children's library, and volunteer work at a therapeutic riding stable. I required academic work, but she was allowed a voice and some choices. For the record, the skills I consider essential are reading and comprehension(and related skills), proficient writing, understanding how the world works(science and sociology) and good math skills thru algebra and geometry. Anything else is a bonus.
Curriculum was not the issue - doing "academic" work at her pace in any area was. Study - of something - must occur, along with reading, but completing a workbook or curriculum was never a goal. I bought a lot of books, spend money on science experiment supplies, private music and art lessons, horseback riding lessons, gardening supplies like seeds and tools, and good science and literature-related DVDs for evening hours. We used the library for a lot of free resources.
Five+ years later, I have a happy, healthy, motivated child who knows her interests and seeks out her own sources of learning. I regard as the highest compliment that she tells friends that when she has her own children, she plans to homeschool them from the beginning because it's the best plan for life.
I am convinced this is because I basically followed the Moore's strategy of balance in creating the whole person. Academics, service and responsibilities at home and out of the home, and hands-on work of some type following an interest.
I hope this helps.
"The fact that they tend to just insult us instead of do anything about it proves that they really only care about their own agenda."
I'm not sacrificing my child future and values to satisfy the ego of even an excellent teacher, who still has to obey a hopelessly flawed system. Yes, I think you COULD call that "my own agenda"
I have homeschooled for over 14 years and have counseled many homeschoolers on the net and in person (hundreds) No one is an expert, but I do love helping others.
I also share your views in many areas of this subject.
Read "Dumbing us Down" or "Underground History of American Education" by John Taylor Gatto or even just "The Six Lesson Schoolteacher" (same author)
http://www.cantrip.org/gatto.html
and eyes will be opened, or further opened.
About homeschooling. I've seen homeschooling families be full time workers and I've never yet see it work for more than a year or so AT MOST. Of course I haven't seen every case, but I've seen many. Also, as has been said, that's with older, able bodied young people too, not with youngsters.
They need guidance, assistance, parental companionship and molding their character until an age much older than you might realize. It's not enough to just pour information into their brains.
I seriously encourage you to put off the idea of homeschooling a high needs child (or any child) while you work full time. I understand that you want to help someone, but your situation is not suited for this, indeed, it would take quite a rare and unusual situation for this to even be acceptable for the child.
Here's a good article:
http://homeschooloasis.com/help_article_1st_page.htm
Good for you! My term was weak without an adjective. They should have an agenda, and that is to educate kids in reading, writing, and arithmetic. It's their liberal re-education agenda that I mind.
Parents are the main ones who should have an agenda, and when that agenda comes into conflict with the school's, then it is their job to get their kids out!
They were also vigorously debated when I was in school, and I believe they still are. You really think there are no debates and speeches and argument papers on abortion, euthanasia, even politics? Of course there are, on both sides, in high school, where such discussions belong.
It is pretty difficult to have objective discussions when the conclusion is predetermined.
Ah - but it's not just in 'public school' where the discussions are less than objective and the conclusion is predetermined now, is it? You want to home school because you want the child to think like you. That's your right, but it's hardly 'objective'.
I respect my parents because although I knew their views on many issues, they never tried to edit my exposure to 'correct' points of view, I never heard them say "now the teachers are going to fill your head with things, don't listen!" Sometimes I came home from school with ideas that were different, and you know what happened? My dad would debate these ideas with me. And you know what? At the time, sometimes I agreed with him, and sometimes I didn't. But the more time has passed, the more right I think he was. But I came by that view from experience, and from learning it for myself. I love my friends that are homeschoolers, but if the reason they are doing it is to shelter and protect from outside views, then I think they just don't have enough faith that they are actually right.
I expect you are probably right about that. We have to set realistic boundaries for ourselves, and I'm inclined to think that homeschooling as a single parent in this kind of situation is probably not realistic. On the other hand, IF I go through with adopting, I would still seek out some of the materials available to supplement whatever education he/she was getting, because I still believe the responsiblitlity for quality education falls on the parents, even if the child is in school.
From my point of view, it has nothing to do with politics. It is the schools themselves that have politicized education. I understand that the teachers are at the mercy of a very flawed system, even as I am in my profession, and thank God there are good and committed teachers who have the fortitude to manage it. I couldn't do their job. But then, I've had many people tell me they couldn't do mine. Lord knows, were it not for caring teachers, many of these kids would have nobody at all.
I just believe that the public school environment is unhealthy, for many reasons. I don't think there is a thing in the world wrong with sheltering a kid from some of the influences and images his senses are bombarded with in public school, whether unintentionally or by design. He will have to deal with them soon enough, and tossing him in there and having faith that he will turn out okay makes about as much sense as exposing a kid to smallpox instead of innoculating him against it, having faith that he will come through it okay. Maybe he will, but if he doesn't, I believe that God holds parents accountable for the choices they make on the child's behalf.
Thanks for listening to me and not thinking that I was trying to slam you. I think you have a wonderful, giving heart and I hope you can find fulfillment somehow, somewhere, and continue in your efforts to help children.
First things first.
Our experience. We agreed back in 1988, before we married, that any children were we blessed wirh - we would educate outside the institutions - public or private.
Had our first in 1989. In 2005 he entered 10th grade in high school. He cannot be abused by the system, because he had that 12 years solid formation.
By his Mama that was at home 24/7/12 years. And, I made $17,500 the year Ben was born. There is a larger story about our second son. But, the only way it worked for us was a Mama at home and a Daddy doing what he could to support it. Many times, that was tenuous, at best.
Why go into it one legged?
For clarity, here - I do recognize your good intentions. Get all the support you can from real people in your real area before you do this.
Then you dropped the dime on me - which was not right to my response. Do the right thing. I have never had a post pulled. Recant your abuse on me.
I only used the "out of my mind" rhetoric off the original post. Direct quote. Uh, and per MY freepmail, you will unping me? Thanks. We have lived homeschooling for sixteen years. Have posted some here n the subject. But, if you are the newest latest boss - I'm done.
Sorry this is so vague, but my advice would be to try finding an involved & supportive church in the city that you're moving to. Particularly if you can find one with a lot of homeschooling parents.
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