Posted on 05/29/2006 10:34:01 AM PDT by sweetliberty
I know there are a lot of homeschoolers on FR with varied experiences and I really need your input. I have always been a believer in homeschooling, but I also know that there are a lot of variables to be considered. For instance, when my daughter was coming up on school age, after much thought and prayer, I decided that, even though I was a stay at home mom and could easily have managed the necessary time to homeschool, the personality dynamics and differences in learning style between me and my daughter were such that she would likely fare better in a quality private school that supported our values. That was a good decision in that situation.
Now, I have a new dilemma. I am seriously considering adopting a child, perhaps two. I am in the midst of the process, but have not yet made any commitment. Over the past 20 years, my attitude toward public schooling has changed dramatically. It used to be one of distrust and disagreement with them because their academic standards were inferior and they tended to undermine and work counter to the values most parents tried to instill in their children. Now my attitude is one of outright contempt for an institution that not only no longer educates, except in all the wrong areas, and whose goal seems to be the systematic destruction of any sense of values, faith, patriotism and independence. It makes the parents the enemy, instead of a partner. It makes an outcast of the child with a traditional family and with traditional values and faith instead of holding him/her up as an example to emulate. It exposes children to knowledge of things that they are not yet mature enough to process. It actively strips them of their innocence while punishing them for being children and doing normal kid things. It seeks to make every child "special" by imposing a standard of mediocrity that prevents any child from being truly special and rewards laziness and "inability" while minimizing, or even punishing, competence and excellence and teaches them to make excuses for failure instead of providing them with tools to succeed. Instead of challenging children to think independently, it forces them into a mold of nanny state group think, seeking to turn out masses of ignorant, low performing, drug dependent, easily manipulated pawns of government will. They not only usurp the authority of parents; they encourage children to "expose" any manner in which their parents are out of "compliance" with the socialist agenda, in effect turning children into government "spies."
Which brings me to my current dilemma. In my opinion, most public schooling is a form of child abuse, so I really don't see it as an educational option. At this point in time, I don't have the luxury of being a stay at home mom, and to the best of my knowledge, there is no easily accessible private school in or near the town I am moving to, so obviously a very big consideration in the decision about taking on the responsibility of a child is going to be making a determination about whether or not I can provide an adequate education and deciding if homeschooling is a viable option. I know of parents who have worked full-time and home schooled and whose school day began after work, but that still leaves a lot of hours in the day to find something suitable for the child/ren to do.
Let me also add that I would be a single parent, which I realize is not an ideal situation; however, let me also add that I deal with the type of children daily that are in need of permanent homes and their chances of being placed in suitable 2-parent homes are often exceedingly slim. While I wouldn't entertain taking on a child with very serious medical or behavioral problems simply because I know that I wouldn't have the kind of time and energy to devote to them that they would require, many of these children just need a lot of love and consistency combined with structure, discipline, education, security, hope and some place to belong. Those are things I can provide. All these children come with baggage and some special needs. It is simply a by-product of the situations they're in. Of course, this in itself is going to effect the way these children learn, and educating a child who is already school age when adopted is clearly not going to be the same as working with a child you've raised and taught from birth.
So, I have several questions. Probably the most obvious is: Are any of you who homeschool single, working parents and, if so, how do you deal it? More specifically, are any of you single, adoptive parents? I would really like to know your experiences. What about accessing the best in teaching materials? I know there are programs out there for the computer, as well as more traditional teaching materials, but I wouldn't know where to start. I know there are also homeschool groups/co-ops of a sort, but I don't know how many other homeschoolers there would be in my area.
Some of you may be wondering why I would consider adopting, given my situation. Well, I must admit that I have asked myself that same question. It's like I have this voice whispering in one ear, "why not? You always wanted more children." And in the other ear is another voice saying, "have you lost your mind?" I guess the real reason though, is somewhere between those extremes. I see these kids who have had no guidance, no direction, no affection, whose past is too painful to remember and who never know what tomorrow is going to bring. I have room in my home and in my heart. I guess it's really that simple.
I wouldn't go that far. High school serves as a great state-sponsored teenage dating service!
Could y'all ping the homeschoolers?
It's like I have this voice whispering in one ear, "why not? You always wanted more children."
Adoption is a huge deal. Your life, your daughter's life, and the life (or lives) of your adoptive child will irrevocably change, because you want more children. Are you willing to effect those lives to fulfill a personal desire?
I know there are a number of homeschool pinglists out there, I'm not sure who is in charge of what. IIRC, Motherbear is the mother of two adopted children. Prayers to you, whatever you decide.
I am open to considering about any age. It is going to depend more on the individual child and/or situation than on a set of predetermined criteria, but I'm inclined to think the best fit would be elementary school age.
One of the many reasons I have a preference for homeschooling is to avoid politically "corrected" textbooks and to get around some of the imposed social "curriculum" that has little to do with a solid core education. How do you avoid that using their texts?
I appreciate the information and will bookmark this thread for reference. Thanks.
I know that adoption is a huge deal, that is why I have no intention of entering into it lightly, if I choose to go through with it. My daughter is 27 now and I have an 8 year old grandson. Daughter thinks it's a great idea. I wouldn't dream of taking such a step without discussing it with those whose lives would be impacted by my decision.
My dad, on the other hand, thinks I'm nuts, but childrearing was never his strong suit anyway. As long as I don't adopt a black child, he will be supportive. My dad still holds significant prejudices and while I don't hold the same views, I do respect my father. He is much better than he used to be, but nowhere near the point of accepting a black, or racially mixed, child into the family.
I need to be in California for my 4th grandchild's birth for 2-3 weeks, and this isn't too much to ask, is it? But there's no one who can keep these kids here and continue their studies during the critical month of September.
I don't know how you can manage this all by yourself. I know some couples have done it working days, in deed, a family of doctors, but then, I suspect their children had no serious problems like the ones you are probably going to take on.
I don't know what state you are in, but you need to contact your local support group for homeschoolers and see what the requirements are before you make a committment to do this.
I could possibly get my granddaughter into a daycare somewhere, but who would take a 10 year old Asbergers student who is HUGE! I cannot think of anyone but family, and everyone is either working, or caring for sickly family members and couldn't handle the extra burden just now. This is just ONE type of problem you would run into with homeschooling adopted children all by yourself.
I hate to be pessimistic, and I love homeschooling, but you need help.
If you are thinking of adopting, keep your opinions quiet about public schools. If the question is asked, tell them, "Oh, of course they will be taught in the public schools."
I am cautious about what I say, but I work for CPS, so most of my coworkers know what I think of public schools anyway. It will probably be someone who doesn't know me who actually completes my home study though.
The only way it would be even somewhat okay is if you become a foster parent and make that your full-time job. Look into it. It pays quite well in most states. That way you could be at home with all the kids. The difficulties and baggage these children come with can be overwhelming. If you aren't always there, you leave your own child there to face it alone. She is probably nowhere near equipped to handle the situation.
My own daughter is 27 and thinks it's a great idea, so I don't have any children at home. Also, I work for CPS, so I cannot be a foster parent. It is considered a conflict of interests. And you are sadly misinformed about what foster parents "make." Here, the board payment is $400 - $450 a month per child, depending on the age of the child, and the foster parent must have an independent source of income. Privately contracted therapeutic foster parents are compensated at a significantly higher rate, but they are dealing with children with more severe problems that require a great deal of time and energy and are only allowed to take one or two kids at a time in most cases, and one of them has to be home/available all the time.
Have you already made up your mind?
No. As I said in my original post, I'm in the process and keeping my options open, but I haven't made any commitments at this point and I am weighing things very carefully, because if I do take that step, I'm in it for the long haul.
Just remember that the same kooky liberals who run the public schools you disrespect also run the foster care system. That's why I have the attitude I have about it. As for adoption, in your situation I would not do it. No way! Definitely I wouldn't homeschool and work full-time. But I am not you, and I think it is very generous of you to consider it.
I don't have kids, and I know it's cool to bash public schools on FR but read your rant against public schools as exaggerated fear mongering. I don't think you can take something as local as a school system, and make these huge sweeping generalizations like "schools make parents the enemy".
Find out about YOUR school in YOUR town. Be actively involved in it, and decide. The schools in my town that I went to are still OK, and most of my friends' kids attend them. In your situation I don't know where else you expect to park a newly adopted child all day "day care?" and still expect you both to have the energy for school at night.
Look at the national teacher's organizations. Look at the curriculum. They've made themselves the enemy of parents who share my values. It may vary a tad from school to school, but it is way more widespread than you suggest. I wouldn't support them if the government didn't force me to.
My mother taught in public school, for a time, and most of my husband's family still does. The current principle at my old elementary school taught 5th grade when I was there. I know these people, and teachers, like people in any field, are all over the board on how good they are, but that's part of the learning too. I just don't buy into this paranoid view of public schools, but then I'm not on some of the fringes that don't want my child to learn about Darwin.
I think it's great when a parent who is home all day wants to homeschool, but in this case, it doesn't seem all that practical.
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