Posted on 04/10/2006 10:24:02 PM PDT by Number57
As he approaches the stairs up to airforce one a secret service agent notices that he is carrying a wild boar under his right arm.
The conversation gos like this:
Agent: 'That sure is a nice pig you got there Mr. President'
Bill: 'Yep, 'cpet around these here parts we call this a Razorback'
Agent: 'Well that sure is a nice razorback you got there Mr. President'
Bill: 'Yep, I got this here razorback for Hillary'
Agent: 'That was one hell of trade Mr. President. I'm glad you're on our side.'
Two cannibals are eating a clown when one says to the other:
"Does this taste funny to you?"
"Yeah, but my metabolism was funny to begin with."
I heard they found Vince Foster with a lot of carpet fibers on his clothing. Did he have a second job as a carpet installer?
Dirty Joke:
A Drunk in a bar asks the bartender where the toilet is; the bartender just points to a door across the room. The drunk staggers across the bar, opens the door, enters the room, then closes the door.
A few minutes later a terrifying scream is heard from the bathroom. A few customers and the bartender enter the room; they can't find the drunk. The room looks empty. As they start to leave the room, they hear a groan come from behind the door. They move the door, and there is the drunk, sitting down behind the door.
"What's wrong with you?" asks the bartender.
"Every time I flush this toilet, my balls hurt like *ell!" manages the drunk....
The bartender steps back, shakes his head and says "they ought to; you're sitting on the mop bucket!"
The dog answers, "I'm lookin' for the man that shot mah Paw!"
Q: What's brown and sticky?
A: A stick!
Four blondes are driving to Anaheim for a day at Disneyland. They exit on the proper ramp and when they get to the bottom they see a sign that says 'Disneyland left'. So they turn around and go home.
LOL
A Rabbi, a Priest, and a Minister walk into a bar. The bartender looks at them and says, "What is this, a joke?"
This one is funny, I just heard it around St. Patrick's Day.
_______________________
An Englishman, a Scotsman, and an Irishman walk into a pub. They proceed to each buy a pint of Guinness.
Just as they were about to enjoy their creamy beverage three flies landed in each of their pints, and were stuck in the thick head.
The Englishman pushed his beer away from him in disgust.
The Scotsman fished the offending fly out of his beer and continued drinking it as if nothing had happened.
The Irishman too, picked the fly out of his drink, held it out over the beer and then started yelling, "SPIT IT OUT, SPIT IT OUT YOU LITTLE BASTARD!!!"
This is so funny that it will boggle your mind. And you will keep trying it at least 50 more times to see if you can outsmart your foot. But you can't!!!
1. While sitting at your desk, lift your right foot off the floor and make clockwise circles with it.
2. Now, while doing this, draw the number "6" in the air with your right hand. Your foot will change direction!!!
I told you so... And there is nothing you can do about it.
What's the difference between a drunk and an alcoholic?
Drunks don't have to attend meetings!
ROFLMAO! I love it!
A priest and a rabbi are seated next to each other on an airplane. About 30 minutes after take off the priest turns and says to the rabbi:
"Rabbi, is it true that you're forbidden to eat the meat of a pig?"
The rabbi responds, "yes, that is true."
The priest digs a little deeper with, "well, have you ever given into temptation and tried it?"
The rabbi, looking sheepish, says "yes, when I was a young man, away from my family at school, I once had 3 strips of bacon with my breakfast."
There followed about 10 minutes of uncomfortable silence between the two, broken by a question from the rabbi.
"Father, is it true that, as a priest, you are forbidden to have sex?"
The priest responds, "yes, that is true."
The rabbi, remembering the priest's next question, then asks, "well, have you ever given into temptation and tried it?"
The priest, now also looking sheepish, replies, "yes, while I was in seminary, I once made love to a girl from the local town."
The rabbi smiled knowingly and said, "beat the hell out of bacon, didn't it."
So I said to my waitress with the glass eye, "Say Crystal? How bouta cuppa coffee??!"
hahaha... my kids are gonna roll their eyes at that one, but I love it! Besides, they're awfully cute when they roll their eyes.
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