Posted on 03/30/2006 9:36:04 PM PST by MadIvan
Samantha of Sex and the City, it is fair to say, would not approve. The casual attitude to sexual relations embraced by the most liberated of the characters in the television series turns out not to reflect the views of 21st century women quite as well as widely imagined.
Researchers investigating female attitudes to sex and their sexuality were surprised to find that most women have rather more traditional, conservative views on one-night stands than they expected.
Around nine out of 10 of those questioned felt casual sex was immoral and that those women who engaged in it were not doing so primarily for pleasure.
They said they felt sorry for women who had one-night stands, that they were lacking something in their lives and if they had not simply lost control through drink and drugs they were seeking emotional rather than physical connection.
Dr Sharron Hinchcliffe, a psychologist from the University of Sheffield, presented her findings at the annual conference of the British Psychological Society in Cardiff yesterday.
Dr Hinchcliffe said: "Our results did not fit in with the image we have of today's independent woman who can go out and get sexual fulfilment without the ties of a relationship.
"There was a view that if women had one-night stands they were doing it for reasons other than their own pleasure, more out of a feeling of being desperate, needy or looking for something, or that they had lost control through drink or drugs.
"They said they did it for reasons that were different to those of women in relationships - which they said were for pleasure and to express their love for their partner. They defined it as deviant behaviour.
"They referred to the women as emulating male behaviour. It was certainly the view that it was not the way women should behave.
"Some of the respondents said these things even though they admitted they had had one-night stands themselves. I was surprised at how judgmental they were.
"It makes me question whether women have really gained all the sexual freedom they are supposed to have gained since the Sixties."
Dr Hinchcliffe and colleagues carried out in-depth interviews with 46 women selected from the electoral roll aged 23 to 83, with an average age of 48.
Around 10 per cent of the sample disagreed with the majority view of "no strings" sex as immoral. Dr Hinchcliffe said that if anything the women in their early thirties were more negative about one-night stands than those of women in their fifties.
Some of the participants also expressed concerns about women having casual sex exposing themselves to sexually transmitted disease.
A survey of 1,095 men and women carried out on behalf of Amnesty International UK and published in November found that more than a third of people believed a female rape victim was totally or partially responsible if she had behaved in a flirtatious manner with her attacker.
Dr Tuppy Owens, of the Sexual Freedom Coalition, a group that campaigns for sexual freedom between consenting adults, said: "I don't like the expression 'one-night stand'.
"Two people just banging away at each other can be pretty meaningless and an empty experience, unless there is some passion, care and feeling towards the other person. However, if you go out wondering what might happen, ready to give as well as receive, you might have the most wonderful adventure.
"Perhaps if they had asked the questions in a different way they would have got different answers."
Norman Wells, the director of Family and Youth Concern, said: "It shows that most women are seeking more than the fleeting gratification that temporary sexual relationships can offer.
"Sexual intimacy was never meant to be engaged in outside the context of lifelong union between one man and one woman.
"By divorcing sex from marriage in our thinking and in the sexual education given to children and young people, we are promoting something that runs contrary to our basic longings for stability, permanence and commitment."
Yes I now, I always think about what to tell my 11-year-old daughter. I was raised with morals and dignity. Girls who were loose I was told had none of the above. I also believed my mother knew everything I did even when she was not around and that scared me! LOL she would tell us "don't disgrace the family".
"You think MTV is real life? Please."
Unfortunately, what our kids see on TV becomes in their mind, the 'norm' whether they live that way or not. If enough kids see the same crap on TV, they begin to act like what they see--on the tube. It gives them a ready answer to the questions of how they fit in and what distinguishes them from the rest of people out there, playing to an age-old adolescent sense of rebellion.
I see kids of a Norwegian or Germanic heritage running around with their britches flying low doing 'gangsta' hand signs and listening to hip-hop and gangsta rap, in a state that has very few blacks (mainly, I am told because of the harsh winters). They didn't learn this stuff from Nana over lefse and lutefisk, they got it from the boob tube.
Of course. Google "oxytocin" - it's almost biologically impossible for a woman to have one-night stands and enjoy them. It's behavior driven by a deep need for love and attention, which can never be fulfilled in the way they are trying to fulfill it.
As for the "all American women are whores" stuff that keeps getting reposted on FR, I can only say that you tend to find in people what you believe you are going to find - and people in turn tend to react to you in a way that conforms to your expectations. The posters who make these statements have chosen to create their own negative reality instead of a positive one, so there is no way to reason with them. When they are ready, they will learn better.
Well I don't think College students neccessarrily are a good indicator, I am sure you will see higher acceptance of one night stands among college girls than gals not in college in that age group... Or at least I highly suspect you will.
However post college, I suspect you will see that acceptance drop.... peer influence and all that.
While I agree with you that many women who are promiscuous use sex to find love (typically how men act)... as opposed to the more traditional action of females to use love to find sex... to make the statement "its almost biologically impossible for a woman to have a one night stand and enjoy them" pretty overarching and not supported by fact.
Even if you believe women are generally hard wired for committment and trust before orgasm can occur, sheer statistics of biodiversity would prove that that broad statement is incorrect. Let alone the psychological or physiological issues of lust.
Maybe many, but not the majority. My opinion.
I will certainly say that many if not most TALK as if they do. But don't actually engage in it. They just want their friends to think they do so they are not perceived to be what we used to call "square".
Internet dating websites, Russian Brides, what have you... Should remain free and open choices for men and women. Even if all it comes to is a string of one night stands.
Freedom includes the freedom to make bad choices. "Acts of Capitalism between consenting Adults".
Let's leave it at that. We already have too much government.
Maybe you should go talk to a mathematician. Do a little comparative analysis on the number of women that age and the number who go to spring break and act like sluts. Then subtract the number who go there and are just spectators.
I have two nite stands one on either side of the bed
Its real tiresome because there is a lot of arguing, name calling with little or no results
Bottom line, the turn away from our historical and cultural roots of Christianity have cause a moral break down which allowed radical feminism to occur
Oh and one more thing:
Eve was deceived, Adam caved
So men have a complicity to their own determent, i.e. Feminism could have NEVER flourished if men had stood up and not caved into it
Women want strong, moral men who can be a leader
BTW if you want a “moose” (moral conservative women) than you need to go where the “moose” are ( full gospel, doctrinal sound church)
Nine out of ten? I want the names and numbers of all those one out of ten who obviously need saving...I've got some time off.
And about 7 out of 10 were lying through their teeth or being hypocritical as hell.
Men don't have one night stands with only 10% of the female population.
You got it.
Well, speaking as a guy, I can't say I've ever wanted a woman that I could label a "moose"... that just doesn't have an alluring ring to it at all....
I agree that any thread about the interactions between men and women always bring out the bitter on both sides... after all lets face it... if you are going to be hurt badly, odds are pretty good its going to be someone of the opposite sex involved.
Men are of course complicite... being someone who has great respect for women, but has never had any tolerance for the radicalized feminist movement, and mocked them and called them on their mental insanity face to face many a time, I can say this as well.
At least some of the radicalization of the feminist movement has been a direct result of the sheer boorishness of many many boys and men. I am not talking about locker room sophmorics, I'm talking disgusting behavior. There was a time, men were taught to understand every woman everywhere was or potentially was someones mother, sister, grandmother and deserved respect just as if they were yours... An unattractive female may not have had many callers, but she didn't face the sheer verbal and emotional hostility from men that man today seem to endure with impunity... particularly from men.
And when they get in groups its even worse.... I know I'll beat my kid senseless I ever hear some of the things come out of his mouth that I have seen and heard thrown at women unabashedly by men in public.
One part I found so demeaning was this American chap sitting in a chair with a glass of whisky puffin on a cigar while these prospective Russian brides walked round in circles.
Actually what you looked at was more or less an organized sex tours. Most Russian women have learned to stay away from those parties and the only thing there are the prostitutes.
LOL, just a silly term of course
However you are right when you say "the radicalization of the feminist movement has been a direct result of the sheer boorishness of many many boys and men...and...but she didn't face the sheer verbal and emotional hostility from men that man today seem to endure with impunity... particularly from men.
And this type of behavior is displayed right here on FR on a daily basis by males who claim to be conservative!
You are right also that when women are being treated in such a vile manner, right here on FR, very, very few male posters will defend the women or call out the offending male poster on his unacceptable behavior
Once again, moral conservative women worth having, want strong moral men who are leaders and I will add, protectors also
so........what does that say about the men?
Well I don't make a distinction in the political leanings of the men involved.... Whether one is a conservative or a flaming liberal it makes no difference.. you still should be treating all people with respect... and to be completely rude and ignorant to a woman based purely on the fact she isn't attractive or thin, is rediculous, unconscionable and disgusting.
You don't have to date every woman you meet, you don't have to find them attractive, but to treat them as less than worthy of simple kindness and dignity is unconscionable... and I know that at least some of this sort of behavior is what turns otherwise rational and reasonable women into man hating shrills... as does too unfortunately those who have been victimized sexually in their lives.
This of course is not all radical feminists, but it is a percentage of them.
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