Posted on 03/29/2006 4:48:11 AM PST by gobucks
"I just want to be a wife and a mother". That is what she said about 10 years ago when we married. But she also wanted to work. One thing led to another, then to an MBA, and now she has a great job with high pay. And she is pregnant again, which of course we're thrilled about. Little Gb was born last summer, and this is welcome news, given how many years it took to bring this about.
But lately, she has made it plain: she wants to become a full time stay at home wife and mother. Her career now has zero allure. And so, upon my shoulders it is looking like the full weight of supporting the family will rest. This is a road that is quite alien for me I have to report. I was born in 1963, and the norm was watching the women of a household do housework, and work outside the home.
I have decided I want this too, though the transition doesn't appear to be one that will be painless. For example, we really like the house our two incomes pay for. But, nonetheless, given the "Back to Puritanism" road we took a few years ago (which we know directly led to solving the infertility question), this step is inevitable for us.
So, now, I'm looking for Freeper Advice, from wives and/or Husbands. What happened when she stopped working and stayed at home? How did that make things better or worse? How would have you changed the process to make it more smooth? And if you had to do it over, would she still quit her job, and stay at home?
It takes courage by your wife to want to make the change to what will be a new career for her.Give her time to adjust and be willing to help her out after work to give her a break even if she doesn't ask.Just knowing you will back her up makes all the difference.
You set the atmosphere, you are the boss.What kind of boss will you be? The home and childern, we look at it as an after thought. We have lost the value of all a home can be.It takes courage to put your trust in a man but that is what God would say is best for the family. Her time and effort invested at home will pay dividends for your family because you are making the investment. It feels like you're going against the grain, shows us how far we have come from where our values are.There is no greater or more dignified job then running your home.A big job, hats off to your wife.
Roy in Richardson,Tx
Your children are your future, invest in them wisely. Look forward - NEVER back. We have no regrets.......I stayed home with my three. Enjoy life, it's the reason we are here. ;)
Bottom line: If you bring them into the world, UNLESS YOU HAVE ABSOLUTELY NO CHOICE, don't stick them in a daycare every day. That leaves only dinner and bathtime to spend with your child. Daycare workers will spend a far greater amount of time with your kids than you do, and that's not why you became a parent. You might regret spending too little time with them, but do you think you'll EVER regret spending too much?
It's worth the sacrifice. They are worth the sacrifice of material things. You really have only about 12 years to make a great person, then they become teenagers and you turn into their support system. 12 years goes by really quickly. You should do this, GB. Go for it. Your kids deserve it.
Of course ... but this forum, on just about every subject, has proved its worth over and over; there is really no question about the next steps ... it is the how and maybe a look at things not thought about thoroughly enough...
FR is a useful, very useful, place for such things...
Bump.
So what happened? Did your wife like the comments on this thread? What was her reaction?
Did you have a change of heart?
My wife never looks at this stuff on the computer.
I have to bug my wife to read her email!
However, I was wondering what gobucks wife thought. I included you on the bump since you seemed rather perceptive about his public inquirey.
My wife also. We differ, in that she usually has things to do, that are meaningful, while I spend time talking to strangers on the computer.
I would definitely say go for it. My wife and I together work one full-time equivalent (I'm 80% and she's 20%) and we love having it this way. I'm at home with our daughter 1 day a week and make sure there's plenty of daddy time that way. She's home most of the time but also at work enough to maintain sanity. I'm fortunate enough to have a job that provides benefits even though I'm not full-time.
Another thing I think is important is to find a way to live on one income immediately and put all of the second check into savings. That's actually a great thing to do even if you don't have kids as it does give a lot of flexibility down the road. We're actually choosing to live on 80% of our income (10% tithe, 10% savings/retirement) and building our budget around that level. It completely takes the stress out of it. We buy our cars with 100,000 miles on them and built our own house to eliminate car payments and minimize the mortgage. We also did a budget, each of us having our own portions that we're responsible for.
Even with our part-time arrangements, another thing that's changed is that sometimes I'll want to stay home after a full day at work and she'll be going stir crazy and want to go somewhere. Like someone else said, good communication will take care of that.
"My wife also. We differ, in that she usually has things to do, that are meaningful, while I spend time talking to strangers on the computer."
Sorry for the tardy reply. Mrs. Gb for certain had a certain, satisfied 'I told you...' air about her after she read this thread, but she also said something very similar that mrs. sr said to him. My wife thinks Freepers have way too much free time, and she thinks about 99 percent of what I spend here is wasted.
I would say, maybe 40 percent, at most.... :)
"My supervisor, in contrast, dumps her little boys at daycare even on her day off."
That is flat out sad; I have a neighbor who does the same thing.
"Max has such a way with words, doesn't he? ;-) "
Yep, and the SUV story was actually a really good one in the point it makes. My thanks!!
Katnip captures well the tone of all your replies when she wrote:
I finally quit a year and a half ago when he was 12. We moved to a much cheaper state and are squeaking by on my husbands small pension.
If I could have anything in this world it would be to be able to go back to when my son was small and be home with him. I can never get that back, nor can he.
Actually, I didn't quite know what folks would write, and I certainly expected quite a few comments from working moms.
But in this case, the 'Get to work, and have her be a full time Mom' crowd has so emphatically made the case, well, I can report that if I had doubts about the road, they sure as heck are gone now. Now it is just a question of timing and relocation.
I thank you all - and very much appreciate the directness. (I wish you all were my neighbors ... for I bet I'd love, most of you anyway, your kids playing w/ mine...).
Btw, Mrs. Gb loved that I went to the trouble of doing this thread, but as with my other topics here, she wishes I spending less time thinking and more time doing. It is a work in progess. Again, my thanks.
Don't worry....with your kind and loving attitude and care toward your wife, all will be well!
My thanks, and I must confess, my attitude towards her is rather easy to maintain, given my attitude toward Him...
Your priorities are spot on! :)
Good luck to you and your family. You will never regret it, and I bet you'll be surprised to learn that tightening your financial belt isn't as painful as you imagine.
You are welcome...again, the worst part will be the financial adjustment...but the bonding between Momma and kiddos will be invaluable...and you will get major brownie points too.
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