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Ah, the Whizzinator. Source of so much confusion and pain.
Posted on 02/27/2006 5:31:39 AM PST by Abathar
PITTSBURGH -- It turns out the microwaved penis was a fake.
A convenience store clerk in the Pittsburgh area was freaked out when she thought she had put a severed penis in the store's microwave oven.
The clerk said a couple came into the store and asked her to heat up something for them. The clerk did and caught a glimpse of what she thought was a penis wrapped in paper towels.
McKeesport police Chief Joseph Pero said the woman who came into the store with the fake penis was actually trying to cheat on a job application drug test.
Prosthetic penises that contain drug-free urine are sold on the Internet. According to the woman, the couple stopped to warm the device in the microwave so the urine would pass the body temperature test.
Police plan to interview the woman Monday.
I don't think she really thought this one through.
Just when you think you've heard everything...
Looks like she couldn't withstand the scrote-iny
McKeesport hijinks.
Drugs have that effect on people.
a woman using a fake penis to cheat a drug test. hmm...
Paging Mr. Smith. Mr. Onterrio Smith. Please pick up the tan whizzinator and proceed to the application area.
Why do you think they call it DOPE? :-)
Paging Ms. Lorena Bobbit. Ms. Bobbit please meet your party at the microwave counter.
......nevermind.
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Ah, the Whizzinator. Source of so much confusion and pain.
Best Headline of the Week nominee.
You passed the drug part of the urine test but we're concerned as to why your body temperature is 180 degrees.
(McKeesport police Chief Joseph) Pero said police weren't sure why the woman was storing the urine in a device mimicking male genitalia.
Damn! 4 seconds. Yer fast!
She must not be a Sitzpinkler.
Reminds of "Detachable Penis" by King Missile (for some reason)
(Lyrics)
I woke up this morning with a bad hangover
And my penis was missing again
This happens all the time
It's detachable
This comes in handy a lot of the time
I can leave it home when I think it's going to get me in trouble
Or I can rent it out when I don't need it
But now and then I go to a party
Get drunk
And the next morning I can't for the life of me
Remember what I did with it
First I looked around my apartment
And I couldn't find it
So I called up the place where the party was
They hadn't seen it either
I asked them to check the medicine cabinet
'Cause for some reason I leave it there sometimes
But not this time
So I told them if it pops up to let me know.
I called a few people who were at the party
But they were no help either
I was starting to get desperate
I really don't like being without my penis for too long
It makes me feel like less of a man
And I really hate to have to sit down every time I take a leak
After a few hours of searching the house
And calling everyone I could think of
I was starting to get very depressed
So I went to the Kiev and ate breakfast.
Then as I walked down Second Avenue toward St. Mark's Place
Where all those people sell used books and other junk on the street
I saw my penis lying on a blanket next to a broken toaster oven
Some guy was selling it
I had to buy it off him
He wanted 22 bucks but I talked him down to 17
I took it home
Washed it off
And put it back on
I was happy again
Complete
People sometimes tell me I should get it permanently attached
But I don't know
Even though sometimes it's a pain in the ass
I like having a detachable penis
I am sure the next we hear about microwaved whizonators will be some woman who bought one 'pre heated' at a drive-thru and got her crotch scalded.
If you are going to go to all the trouble of buying a fake penis to beat a drug test, wouldn't you at least warm it up in your own microwave?
I didnt realise drug free urine was in demand, I flushed away about 20 bucks worth this morning when I got up.
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