"...I would like to apologize for the petty, narcissistic, its-all-about-me, attention whores we have become."
So, where did you meet my ex-girlfriend?
LOL. Well, I seem to meet a lot of them, so maybe you're a prolific dater?
Seriously, I'm sorry. There is no excuse for that even in deteriorating relationships. I hope you find a good one next time.
Oh...and I don't think I've said it to you, but on behalf of myself and my family...THANK YOU for keeping the rest of us free.