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Not your mama's 'birds and bees' (SF Zoo's animal sex tour tells who is gay, who likes it rough)
San Francisco Chronicle ^ | Wednesday, February 15, 2006 | Patricia Yollin, Chronicle Staff Writer

Posted on 02/15/2006 9:26:06 AM PST by presidio9

It was time for the annual Valentine's Day sex tour at the San Francisco Zoo, but none of the permanent residents got the memo. As human voyeurs learned about the torrid world of amorous beasts, most of the animals barely glanced at each other.

"The wind seems to unnerve them," said Jane Tollini, inventor of the tour that has been copied by zoos throughout North America. "And they had a busy weekend."

They did indeed. Tollini, former penguin keeper at the zoo, led excursions Saturday and Sunday and will do the same this weekend. She came up with the idea 17 years ago.

"I like to watch," Tollini said.

Even though there wasn't much to see on Tuesday, there was plenty to hear about.

"This is the most tacky, tasteless, smutty, down-in-the-gutter tour ever created," Tollini told the 80 or so adults who piled onto two trams and devoted three hours to tales of fornicating felines and hermaphrodite ostriches.

"Animals do everything we do, but they do it a little differently," said Tollini, draped in a pink boa with pink hearts. "The only thing I couldn't find was cross-dressing."

Tollini spent 24 years in the zoo before retiring last year. She's seen bondage, polygamy, group sex, homosexuality, sex with inanimate objects and pedophilia.

Starting off with penises, Tollini moved on to vaginas, including ones "so large you could lose your family and your SUV in them," and to cloacas, those "multipurpose holes" useful for urination, defecation, egg-laying and sex.

Tollini said that cassowaries are the most dangerous animals at the zoo but have "fabulous" sex. The crowd had to take it on faith -- its resident birds, Slash and Hazard, were keeping a low profile.

The black rhinos were similarly uninclined.

"Rhino sex is always violent.

(Excerpt) Read more at sfgate.com ...


TOPICS: Pets/Animals
KEYWORDS: animalsarepeopletoo; anthropomorphism; cityoffruitsandnuts; growupyoudegenerates; homosexualagenda; justgross; perverts; sf; sfanimalsextour
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To: Slings and Arrows

"Rhino sex is always violent. It looks like two Jeeps having an argument," she said. "Once copulation begins, they're locked together for well over an hour."

21 posted on 02/15/2006 9:52:53 AM PST by presidio9 ("Bird Flu" is the new Y2K Virus -Only without the inconvenient deadline.)
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To: presidio9
Oh good grief. I guess the SF zoo is getting desperate for money, so they are trying to appeal to the perverts.
22 posted on 02/15/2006 10:02:28 AM PST by MEGoody (Ye shall know the truth, and the truth shall make you free.)
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To: presidio9
Tollini spent 24 years in the zoo before retiring last year. She's seen bondage, polygamy, group sex, homosexuality, sex with inanimate objects and pedophilia.

Really? Tying each other up? These are some dexterous animals.

23 posted on 02/15/2006 10:06:58 AM PST by fortunecookie
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To: presidio9
He takes that big unit out and humps those logs," Tollini said. "But if you get a splinter in there, you'll find out who your friends are."

I sure hate it when that happens to me.

24 posted on 02/15/2006 10:07:28 AM PST by Billthedrill
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To: presidio9

They've banned Morford from this, haven't they?


25 posted on 02/15/2006 10:10:54 AM PST by RichInOC ("You and me, baby, ain't nothin' but mammals, so let's do it like they do on the Discovery Channel.")
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To: presidio9
Apparently, this person does not realize that animals do commit these acts because they have no moral sense, which is a gift God gave humans.
26 posted on 02/15/2006 10:11:05 AM PST by quadrant
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To: presidio9
They're gonna write a book about this:

Animal Porn

27 posted on 02/15/2006 10:11:54 AM PST by RockinRight (Attention RNC...we're the party of Reagan, not FDR...)
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To: presidio9
Tollini spent 24 years in the zoo before retiring last year. She's seen bondage, polygamy, group sex, homosexuality, sex with inanimate objects and pedophilia.

...brining entirely new meaning to the expression "monkey see, monkey do."

28 posted on 02/15/2006 10:13:17 AM PST by RichInOC (...Phi Kappa Sigma, Beta Rho '87..."Paul, why do bikers wear leather?" "Because chiffon wrinkles...")
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To: presidio9
"Rhino sex is always violent.

I could have gone my whole life without knowing the details of Lincoln Chaffee's sex life...

29 posted on 02/15/2006 10:15:50 AM PST by RockinRight (Attention RNC...we're the party of Reagan, not FDR...)
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To: everyone

Someone should report this creep to PETA -- exploiting animals' sexuality and privacy without their permission.


30 posted on 02/15/2006 10:16:16 AM PST by California Patriot ("That's not Charlie the Tuna out there. It's Jaws.")
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To: Idisarthur; ClearCase_guy

Idisarthur, back in college on boring Saturday afternoons(early 90's), we would drink beer and watch the "Trials of Life" videos a biology major had been given for Christmas in her dorm room. There is a video in the set of all sorts of animal fights, etc. It was just awful and most of us gals couldn't sit through it, including me. Anyway, it's out there. I think they released it on DVD in the late 90's.

ClearCase_guy, see paragraph above. There was also a mating and reproduction video that we gals watched and you know what? It was graphic, bizarre, and very informative. And last I checked, all of us gals who watched are now married (to men!) and either have kids or have kids on the way. Wanting to know about the sexual habits of animals is not perverse and it's not part of the gay agenda or the bestiality agenda. It's called learning. My 2 cents.


31 posted on 02/15/2006 11:18:02 AM PST by coop71 (Being a redhead means never having to say you're sorry...)
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To: Reddy

Exactly.

HELLO WE ARE NOT ANIMALS!


32 posted on 02/15/2006 11:20:04 AM PST by Eighth Street
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To: coop71
Hey Thanks, that was very informative, I appreciate it.

I sometimes wish I would have studied Biology or Zoology... Math/Computing/Stats won me over.

33 posted on 02/15/2006 12:18:43 PM PST by Idisarthur
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To: presidio9; MeekOneGOP; Conspiracy Guy; DocRock; King Prout; SandyInSeattle; Darksheare; tiamat; ...
Is Morford part of the exhibit?


34 posted on 02/15/2006 1:50:38 PM PST by Slings and Arrows ("I'd rather hunt with Cheney than drive with Kennedy." --fanfan)
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To: coop71

I remember "The Trials of Life"! It was first aired in 1993. What a great series!


35 posted on 02/15/2006 1:52:34 PM PST by Xenalyte (Can you count, suckas? I say the future is ours . . . if you can count.)
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To: Slings and Arrows; Xenalyte

I worry about zoo animal wranglers..

" "I like to watch," Tollini said. "


36 posted on 02/15/2006 1:55:10 PM PST by Darksheare (Leave no clove un hoofed.)
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To: Slings and Arrows
Is Morford part of the exhibit?

He instructs the primates on poop slinging.

37 posted on 02/15/2006 5:16:00 PM PST by glock rocks (Real engineers don't answer "why" questions.)
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To: Idisarthur

No problem. I'll bet eBay or Amazon has the whole set available.

Hey, I wish I studied more bio and zoology myself. Instead I majored in English so go figure...


38 posted on 02/15/2006 7:05:57 PM PST by coop71 (Being a redhead means never having to say you're sorry...)
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To: Xenalyte

I know. They were awesome. They ran those commercials all the time on tv for the videos so when someone in the dorm actually got a set, we were so excited...and then grossed out...and then surprised...and then shocked...and then...(you get the idea)

Really amazing stuff.


39 posted on 02/15/2006 7:08:50 PM PST by coop71 (Being a redhead means never having to say you're sorry...)
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To: coop71

I was staying with my friend Jim the Freak at the time, and he had somewhere to go the day the series aired. He didn't want me messing up his taping of it, so he put a Post-It on the remote that said "No changin' the channel."

Then he put one on the TV that said "Watch in the bedroom, not this one."

Then he just got out of hand and put a trail of Post-Its with arrows on them leading me to the bedroom TV, and then he labeled everything in the bathroom in case I needed some reading material or something. He also stickied all the pots and pans, and everything in the pantry.

He went through two pads of Post-Its that morning.


40 posted on 02/15/2006 7:11:45 PM PST by Xenalyte (Can you count, suckas? I say the future is ours . . . if you can count.)
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